Breaking News
Local Stoner Switches Into Lockdown Mode Without Noticing Any Real Difference
EASY TRANSITION: A Sydney man who is a heavy cannabis user says he's settling into lockdown conditions without any noticeable impact on his normal life. "Yeah luckily for me it doesn't really affect me too much," says Rob Morris. "The...
#BREAKING: Biloela Family Request Deportation Back To Sri Lanka After Seeing How Boring Perth Is
The Murugappan family have formally volunteered deportation back to Sri Lanka after arriving in Perth, where their young daughter is being treated for a serious illness. "This place is terrible," says father Nades Murugappan. "It's just so fucking boring here."...
“Did You Really Shit Your Pants At Engadine Maccas?” The Queen Puts Our PM On The Spot
Queen Elizabeth II began her brief meeting with Australia's PM on the sidelines of the G7 summit by asking him the toughest question of all. "As Head of The Commonwealth I feel it my duty to ask you something I'm...
Palaszczuk Cancels State Of Origin Series, As Queensland Records New Covid Case
The 2021 State of Origin series has come to an abrupt end, after Queensland recorded a new case of Covid-19. "We've been left with no other option but to withdraw from the series," says the Queensland Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk. It...
Dymocks Donates Its Stock Of Meghan Markle’s Book To Ease Melbourne’s Toilet Paper Shortage
Australian bookseller Dymocks is donating its fast-growing stockpile of Meghan Markle's new children's book to help ease Melbourne's ongoing toilet paper shortage. "We've already tried slashing the prices of the book to no avail," says Dymocks head of retail, Carol...
#BREAKING: Failed Politician Embraces Human Headline In Desperate Bid For Attention
A deluded, attention-seeking billionaire businessman has plunged to new lows today, announcing a partnership with Israel Folau. Clive Palmer has announced his mining company Mineralogy will sponsor Folau’s return to rugby league with a team nobody has ever heard of:...
‘Influencer’ Updates Instagram Bio To ‘News Reporter’ After Posting Selfie Video Outside Ch 7
A local influencer is jumping head first into the news reporting industry. Amber McKinley is filming her own content and posting it as regular news updates on her Instagram account. "Now let's have a quick look at the markets," she...
PM Announces Ban On All Travel From The Maldives, To Prevent Slater Coming Home
Former Australian cricketer Michael Slater has been left stranded overseas after Australia announced a ban on all travel from the Maldives, where Slater is currently located. "Banning travel from overseas is a tough, but important measure," says Scott Morrison. "We...
Facebook Launches Inquiry Into Why So Many Boomers Think Satire Is Real
Facebook's CEO says he's 'concerned' about the growing incidence of baby boomers interpreting satire news as factual information. "Misinformation on the internet is a problem," says Mark Zuckerberg. "But we want to show people over 55 years old that satire...
New Targets: Scott Morrison Pledges To Meet With Brittany Higgins By 2050
At the White House Climate Summit, Australia's Prime Minister has made a new commitment to finally arrange a meeting Brittany Higgins by 2050. "We need to set realistic targets," says Scott Morrison. "These things just don't happen overnight." Mr Morrison...
