Posts by DBT
Canberra Residents Coping Easily With Lockdown, As Boredom Levels Remain Unchanged
After their first full day of lockdown, ACT residents say they’re coping relatively well. Manuka’s Chris Williams says the transition has been simple. “I’ve actually been able to pivot easily into lockdown mode, without noticing any real difference to my regular life.” The 29 year old says Canberra’s limited lifestyle options means all he ever does is stay home and watch TV or surf the internet. “A decade or so ago I used to go to Fyshwick to buy porn, but now with the internet I don’t even have to do that.” And he’s not alone. Another Canberra local told…
Read More‘I Miss Our Regular Chiswick Lunches:’ An Eastern Suburbs Woman Shares Her Covid Heartbreak
A brave Paddington woman has opened up about how covid is destroying her livelihood. “I’ve had the Chiswick lamb home delivered a few times during lockdown, but it’s just not the same as being there,” says Tiffany Harrington. The 27 year old is calling on the state government to allow the popular eastern suburbs restaurant to re-open. “All of our regular Friday long lunch Chiswick crew have been vaccinated,” she says. “Chiswick should be allowed to re-open to those who’ve had the jab.” She says the ongoing restaurant closures are having a devastating effect on her mental health. “I really…
Read MoreBarnaby Joyce Calls For Massage Parlours To Be An Essential Service, As ACT Enters Lockdown
Nationals leader Barnaby Joyce is calling for all ‘massage parlours’ to remain open, as ACT enters lockdown. “There’s a lot of stress around because of the outbreak in Canberra,” says Joyce. “We need relief.” He says those needing most relief are local politicians. “We are leading the country through this crisis,” he says. “Maybe we could just keep open all the massage parlours within a 5k radius of Parliament House. It’s an essential service.” The Deputy PM also argues that Canberra massage parlours create a lot of stimulus which flow through to the local economy. The massage industry is welcoming…
Read MorePrisoner Requests More Time Behind Bars In Desperate Bid To Avoid Sydney Lockdown
A prisoner at Sydney’s Long Bay correctional centre has formally requested an extension to his jail sentence, as he seeks to avoid the city’s harsh lockdown measures. “I prefer it on the inside ey,” Mick Danks told DBT. “I might be locked up, but at least I’m not locked down, haha.” Prisoners are not subject to the same public health orders as civilians outside jail, as all new inmates do a mandatory two-week quarantine period upon entering the facility. “There’s no covid in jail bruh,” he says. “I can eat, exercise and socialise in large groups. Plus I don’t have…
Read MoreNetflix Moves Virus Disaster Film ‘Outbreak’ To Its Documentary Section
If you’re feeling like the last few years have been like something out of a dystopian sci-fi drama, you’re not alone. Streaming platform Netflix has announced that the 1995 medical disaster thriller film ‘Outbreak’ has been added to its non-fiction / documentary section. “We believe this new classification makes sense,” says Netflix Boss Jean Harper. “Given the events of 2020 and 2021, we now see Outbreak as an accurate portrayal of modern life.” The film, starring Dustin Hoffman and Morgan Freeman, focuses on the outbreak of a killer virus in the U.S.A. The police and military are deployed to help…
Read More#BREAKING: PM Agrees To Stand Aside Until 70% Of Australia’s Population Is Vaccinated
Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce is set to take over running the country, as the PM agrees to temporarily stand aside. “My government and I have decided this is the best course of action for the nation,” says Scott Morrison. “I’m burnt out and just need a Bex and a good lie down.” The PM says he’ll return to office as soon as 70% of the population is vaccinated. So far only 20% of Australians have got the jab. “I cant say how long I’ll be off work for, but this is not a race,” says the PM, who is…
Read MoreByron Shire Mayor Begins Mass Roll Out Of CBD Oil, As The Area Begins Lockdown
The Byron Shire mayor says CBD oil is the key to containing Covid-19, after a Sydney man took the virus to the popular coastal town. “All we need to do is stay calm,” says mayor Sam Hendry. “Our immune systems will do the rest.” It comes as the Byron Shire, Richmond Valley, Lismore, Ballina and The Northern Rivers enters a snap seven-day lockdown. Residents are encouraged to get free doses of CBD oil, as soon as possible. “Please remember, this is a race,” says mayor Sam Hendry. “CBD oil tents will be set up on Thursday mornings at the Byron…
Read MoreBondi Influencer Finally Agrees To Stay At Home, After Her Botox Wears Off Completely
A Sydney influencer says the latest lockdown is now beginning to take a big toll on her lifestyle, as her latest round of cosmetic injections finally wears off completely. “My face is looking pretty dire,” says Bondi’s Elle Bracken. “I had fillers about 5 weeks ago, but with all the cosmetic clinics closed, I’m now a full week overdue for a top up.” The 35 year old says she’s been socialising and dating as normal during lockdown so far, but now she’s finally agreed to the state government strict stay at home orders. “Don’t worry, there’s no way I’m going…
Read MoreRegulators Force ‘Big Brother VIP’ To Be Renamed ‘Big Brother’
Regulators have ordered the Seven Network rename its new reality TV show ‘Big Brother VIP,’ after a full line up of ‘celebrities’ appearing was released. “The acronym ‘VIP’ suggests there are ‘very important people’ on the show,” says the ACCC’s Pam Hallard. “But we know now that is definitely not the case, except maybe for Caitlyn Jenner.” The ACCC has ruled the show title ‘Big Brother VIP’ is both misleading and deceptive. “Most of the cast members’ only claim to fame is appearing on an earlier reality TV show,” says Pam Hallard. “Unfortunately that doesn’t make you a ‘VIP,’ especially…
Read More#BREAKING: Man In Singles Bubble For Ten Days, Still Not Getting Any Action
HIGH AND DRY: Tensions are high between a Sydney man and his female singles bubble buddy. For the last 10 days, Mark Wilbur and Jessica French have been in an exclusive singles bubble as per public health rules, however there still hasn’t been any intimacy. “What’s the point of all this?,” Mark Wilbur told DBT. “I was under the impression that entering into this singles bubble basically meant guaranteed sex.” “But I haven’t even had a kiss. I don’t understand what the point of all this is.” Yesterday the couple sat down for talks on the matter, where Jessica French…
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