Posts by DBT
#BREAKING: Royal split confirmed, as Kate Middleton spotted at run club
LOOKING FOR LOVE: After weeks of speculation, it’s now been confirmed that Kate Middleton and Prince William have in fact split up. It comes after the Princess of Wales was photographed while making the most of her newfound single status at a London run club. “There is no other conclusion to draw from this photo,” says one Royal commentator. “Absolutely nobody goes to run club unless they are single and keen to meet new people.” Looking happy and healthy in the photo, Kate Middleton appears to have fully recovered from her recent abdominal surgery. “With her hair tied up and…
Read More“It’s so nice to leave the city and get out into the countryside,” says Bondi Junction man walking a lap of Centennial Park
“It also helps justify my man bun,” he says. RURAL RETREAT: In a daring quest for tranquility and a taste of the great outdoors, a Bondi Junction couple has escaped the hustle and bustle of the city by going for a walk in Centennial Park. “I’m so glad we didn’t get sucked into the weekend brunch scene at Bills Bondi again,” said Marc Drake to his wife. “It’s like a whole other world out here.” Armed with nothing more than designer sunglasses and their mobile phones, the couple traversed the park’s vast expanses of grass and trees, marveling at the…
Read MoreRental crisis hits new low: Bondi man offering his own bed as ‘share accommodation’ on domain.com.au
RENT BOY: In a bold move that has redefined the concept of share accommodation, a resourceful Bondi man has listed his own bed as a rental opportunity on domain.com.au. Alex Stern is offering to share his ‘comfortable queen size’ bed in his studio apartment for $300 per week, utilities not included. The ad describes the arrangement as an ‘intimate co-living experience’, and all applicants are asked to submit a photo of themselves. “I’m flexible on price to be honest,” Alex Stern told DBT. “It really depends on the quality of the applicant.” Reactions to the unconventional listing have so far…
Read MoreMerivale unveil new Totti’s wood-fired puffy bread flavoured vape
SMOKE AND MIRRORS: Merivale says it’s aiming to offer the taste of Totti’s famous puffy bread to everyone, even those who are unable to get a reservation at the popular restaurant chain. “Here at Merivale we’re all about inclusion,” says a spokesperson. “That’s why we’re excited to announce the release of a groundbreaking new product: the Totti’s Wood-Fired Bread flavored vape.” Inspired by the irresistible aroma of freshly baked bread wafting from Totti’s famed wood-fired oven, the vape promises to deliver the authentic taste with every puff. “It’s a great option for those who want the taste of Totti’s bread,…
Read MorePremier surprised people are leaving Sydney in droves, despite the closest thing to a half decent night club being a 6am run club
DAWN DISCO: The NSW Premier says he doesn’t understand the mass exodus away from Sydney, despite the city’s extreme cost of living and crippled night-time economy thanks to the lockout laws. Sydney’s night clubs are slowly being replaced by run clubs, as locals are forced to find new ways to socialise. “I used to be out partying till at least 6am,” says one former night club enthusiast. “But these days 6am is when I’m just arriving at run club.” And he’s not alone. Thousands of young Sydney residents are being forced to trade in their dancing shoes for running shoes…
Read MoreKim Kardashian “outraged” and “disgusted” over Princess of Wales photoshop scandal
DIGITAL DECEPTION: In a bizarre turn of events, the world’s most famous reality star says she’s in a state of shock after Catherine, Princess of Wales admitted to digitally altering a family photograph. “The Royal Family are people we are meant to look up to, and yet they are duping all of us,” said Kim Kardashian in an exclusive interview with DBT. Kardashian also provided DBT a photo of herself on the beach to run with this story, but she continues to deny claims that she photoshops her own images. “The key to happiness is being true to yourself and…
Read More“I’m marrying Rupert for his sexy body and good looks,” reports Murdoch press
LEAD STORY: News Corp media outlets around the world are today reporting that it was Rupert Murdoch’s ‘sexy’ body and good looks which lured his sixth wife-to-be. The Australian newspaper quotes Murdoch’s new fiancee Elena Zhukova, 67, saying: “I never thought I’d marry a 92 year old, but when I saw his rig, I couldn’t resist.” “Rupert is such a good looking and compassionate young man.” Another newspaper within the News Corp stable, The Daily Telegraph, is reporting that Ms Zhukova “has no idea” that Rupert Murdoch is a billionaire. “I’ve no idea about his work history,” she is quoted…
Read MoreKEEPING UP APPEARANCES: Westfield Bondi shopper using Kookai bag to conceal items she just bought at Kmart
FASHION FAUX PAS: The eastern suburbs fashion scene is in shock tonight, after a Westfield Bondi Junction shopper was caught red-handed using a Kookai shopping bag to disguise items she bought at discount retailer Kmart. A DBT reporter was on hand at Kmart to witness Kate Medhurst buy a scented candle, a 5-pack of socks and an inflatable unicorn pool float, totalling $10. “At the self checkout, she quickly put the items in the Kookai carry bag and strolled confidently out of Kmart and into the shopping centre,” says our reporter. “I followed her and asked her to show me…
Read MoreCalls for inquiry into how Sydney is among the world’s most expensive cities, but you can’t even buy a decent coffee after 4pm
COFFEE CRISIS: Caffeine enthusiasts are calling on the NSW government to launch a full inquiry into the glaring lack of decent coffee options after 4pm. “It’s an absolute embarrassment to our city which is known for its quality barista coffee culture,” says one coffee lover. “I regularly have to resort to instant coffee after the dreaded 4pm cutoff.” “We’re calling for a full inquiry, and if our voices are not heard, we’ll be calling for a Royal Commission into the matter.” The NSW Premier is so far shrugging off the calls. “You can always go to a McCafe,” says Chris…
Read MoreNew report shows podcast producers now outnumber podcast listeners
PODCAST POLLUTION: A groundbreaking new report has sent shockwaves through the podcasting world, revealing that the number of podcast producers now exceeds the number of listeners. The report by the Geneva-based Institute of Podcast Data (IPD), shows 2.1 billion people around the world now list their primary occupation as podcasters. “That compares to only 1.6 billion people who ever listen to podcasts,” says report author Mark Stanway. “Everyone is so busy making podcasts, there’s nobody left to listen to them.” The report found that the proliferation of podcasts shows no signs of slowing, with everyone from celebrities to your next-door…
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