Posts by DBT
NSW Government Agrees To Replace Captain Cook Statue With Ernie Dingo Statue
One of Australia’s best-known actors has been immortalised in bronze at Sydney’s Hyde Park. A statue of Ernie Dingo has replaced the statue of Captain Cook, which has been the subject of recent vandalism. “We think the time is right to make this change,” says NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian. “We need to celebrate our indigenous figureheads, instead of focusing too much on our colonial past.” The Premier is praising Ernie Dingo who yesterday was allegedly involved in a violent incident after being targeted with racial slur. “Ernie Dingo is a absolute legend,” says Ms Berejiklian. “We know this Hyde Park…
Read MoreNew Zealand PM Announces ‘All Blacks’ To Be Renamed ‘Some Blacks’
The New Zealand Prime Minister has announced the country’s national Rugby Union team will change its name in a push for racial equality. “From today New Zealand’s Rugby team will be officially known as the ‘Some Blacks,” says Jacinda Ardern. “The new name more accurately reflects the ethnic diversity of our team.” “We need to recognise our white players, without marginalising our indigenous players.” Critics say the name change is an over reaction, given the name ‘All Blacks’ isn’t even a reference to skin colour. “That’s not relevant,” says Ardern. “In today’s climate, we don’t want to take any chances.”…
Read More#BREAKING: Woolworths Stops Stocking Charcoal Masks Amid Racism Fears
Supermarket giant Woolworths announced that charcoal, mud and clay masks are no longer available within its stores. “We believe some customers may be using the masks in an attempt to depict a person of colour,” says a statement from Woolworths. “As a result we are no longer stocking them.” It follows Netflix’s controversial decision this week to pull the plug on several shows in which Australian comedian Chris Lilley portrayed a Pacific Islander character. Some regular face mask users told DBT they see Woolworths’ move as an over-reaction. “I use charcoal masks to give my skin a deep clean and…
Read MoreNetflix Removes All Music Videos, Concerts & Movies Featuring Eminem
Streaming platform Netflix has today announced the removal of all content featuring American rapper Eminem. “Eminem is clearly a white person trying to act black,” says Netflix CEO Howard Riner. “We believe this amounts to perpetuating racial stereotypes and racism.” Eminem is well-known for adopting a performance style more common with black rappers, and for popularising hip hop to middle America. He appears widely on Netflix in music videos, concerts and two documentaries; ‘LA Originals’ and ‘The Defiant Ones.’ “All this content has now been removed from our platform,” says Howard Riner. “We are sorry for any offence it may…
Read MorePM Allows Stadium Crowds Of 10,000, As Hillsong Convention Approaches
The Prime Minister is denying claims that his decision to open stadiums to crowds of up to 10,000 is linked to the upcoming Hillsong convention in Sydney. “These are two completely seperate issues,” says Scott Morrison. “The federal cabinet’s announcement today is about sports fans and helping to re-build the national economy.” However the federal opposition says the opening up of stadiums is being done specifically in time for the Hillsong Convention on June 29 at Qudos Bank Arena. “The PM is very keen to raise his hand in prayer once again,” says Anthony Albanese. “He hasn’t been to church…
Read MoreNine Network Announce Pete Evans As Health Reporter for 60 Minutes
Controversial celebrity chef Pete Evans is taking the next step of his career, joining the 60 Minutes team as a full-time health reporter. “To be honest, I don’t know that much about health or journalism, but I’m very happy to be on television on a regular basis,” says Evans. Despite his reputation for spruiking dangerous conspiracy theories, Evans was mysteriously asked to appear as a guest on 60 Minutes last night. And, Channel Nine has announced overnight that as of next month, the chef will join the 60 Minutes reporting team. Media analysts say it cements 60 Minutes’ future as…
Read MoreDoctors Concerned Hospitals Will Run Out Of Intensive Care Beds As Police Brutality Spreads
There’s increasing concern among doctors that a sharp rise in police brutality could overwhelm Australia’s medical system. “Demand for Australia’s existing 2,200 intensive care unit beds could be exceeded within a few weeks,” warns Dr Harry Moncur at St Vincent’s Hospital in Sydney. The warning comes as Black Lives Matter protestors prepare to make their voices heard at protests around the country today. “Unfortunately these protests are a breeding ground for police brutality,” says Dr Moncur. “We’re already seeing a sharp rise in people presenting with symptoms such as difficulty breathing and broken limbs.” Health experts say indigenous communities are…
Read MorePremier Urges ‘Black Lives Matter’ Activists To Stage Protest Via Zoom Meeting
It’s the video conferencing app helping to keep the world feeling connected during COVID-19. And, today the NSW premier has asked Black Lives Matter activists to stage their planned protest tomorrow via a Zoom meeting. “It’s important that we honour people’s right to protest,” says Gladys Berejiklian. “But we need to ensure protesting is done in a COVID safe way.” It follows the state government’s announcement this afternoon that it will seek to make tomorrow’s Sydney protest illegal. “Please stay at home,” says the Premier. “You can make your feelings known safely from the comfort of your own living room.”…
Read More#BREAKING: Lindsay Lohan Seen Looting In West Hollywood
Actress and entrepreneur Lindsay Lohan’s fall from grace continues today. A DBT photographer has captured the 33 year old looting in a West Hollywood shopping mall. “She was there looting among hundreds of others,” says photographer Phil Henson. “But unlike the others, she seemed quite picky in what she was running away with.” The photo shows Lohan holding sunglasses, an Akubra hat and a designer pair of cowboy boots, worth a combined estimated total of $3500. “I saw her running out of a Nine West store,” says Henson. “But she seemed more worried about looking at her stolen goods than…
Read MoreKyle Sandilands Now Offering MasterClass On ‘Attention Seeking’
“Getting attention is easy, even if you’re just a widely-hated, fat bastard,” says the shock jock. Radio shock jock Kyle Sandilands has released a new MasterClass on how to seek attention. In his 15 minute video tutorial, Sandilands shares his insights on how to get in the news headlines and stay there. “I use my radio show to say as many controversial things as possible,” he says. “The goal is to appear in shitty tabloids like news.com.au, Daily Mail and the Daily Telegraph.” MasterClass is a platform where masters of their craft give lessons via video. Sandilands joins a long…
Read More