Posts by DBT
Federal Treasurer Applies For JobSeeker Allowance As Nation Enters Recession
The Federal Treasurer has announced that he’s applied for the JobSeeker allowance, as Covid-19 continues to deal its most severe economic blow since World War II. “There’s no reason why politicians can’t apply for the allowance,” says Josh Frydenberg. “We’re all in this together.” It comes as new data shows Australia’s economy contracted by 7 per cent during the June quarter, confirming the nation’s first recession since the early 1990s. “It’s unclear if there’s any immediate threat to my job,” admits Frydenberg. “But I have to be prepared, and that’s why I’ve applied for JobSeeker.” A federal government spokesperson wouldn’t…
Read MoreLink Found Between Being A Covid Skeptic & Smoking Ice While Still Living At Home With Parents
A landmark new study is providing a deeper understanding of people who think Covid-19 is a hoax. Researchers at Sydney University found 67% of Covid deniers are regular users of the highly addictive drug Methamphetamine. And 48% of them still live at home with their parents, despite being mature age adults. “Covid deniers are unfortunately a growing section of the population,” says lead researcher Stuart Dass. “They are dangerous too as they are putting lives at risk.” The research also found that Covid skeptics are likely to regularly watch Sky News and spend hours per day leaving dumb comments on…
Read More‘George Floyd Should’ve Followed The Law!’ Argues Melbourne Man Who Refuses To Wear A Face Mask
A Melbourne conspiracy theorist has been exposed as a complete and utter battler after sharing his contradictory views on mandatory face masks. At the height of the Black Lives Matter protests in July, Anthony Secombe tried to argue that George Floyd “pretty much deserved to die.” “Floyd was a career criminal and drug addict,” says Secombe. “It’s not the police’s fault if he refused to be a law abiding citizen.” But Secombe’s views on George Floyd’s death appear to be at odds with his refusal to wear a face mask in the midst of a global pandemic. “There’s no way…
Read MoreZac Efron Completes Transformation Into Average Looking, Generic Byron Bay Skater Dude
Zac Efron has today been officially welcomed into Byron Bay’s fast growing skateboard scene. After just 3 months down under, the Hollywood megastar has completed his transformation into a generic Aussie skater dude with the prized purchase of a black Billabong t-shirt. “I’m just trying to fit in,” he says. “I wear all black, with my hat backwards and carry my skateboard pretty much everywhere I go.” While most people would expect the 32 year old worth $25 million to be hanging out at private and exclusive resorts, Efron is doing everything he can to mix it up with the…
Read MoreTony Abbott Granted Overseas Travel Exemption After Agreeing To Never Come Back
A former Prime Minister has been granted a special exemption from the federal government’s ban, on the grounds that he never return to Australia. Tony Abbott has flown to London to start his new role as a UK trade ambassador. “Initially Mr Abbott’s travel exemption request was denied,” says Australian Border Force offical Nathan Wright. “But after negotiation, we agreed to grant the exemption as long as he never sets foot in Australia again.” Nathan Wright says the special agreement between Abbott and federal government officials has bipartisan support. It’s also been welcomed widely by the Australian public. “Tony Abbott…
Read MoreZac Efron Spotted Selling Beaded Bracelets At The Byron Bay Flea Markets
Byron Bay flea markets has a Hollywood Heartthrob as one of its new stall operators. Zac Efron was spotted selling beaded bracelets at the markets on Saturday. “He was just standing in his stall with a ciggie, occasionally calling out ‘two for twenty bucks,’” says one onlooker. “It was weird to see an actor of that calibre doing that.” The High School Musical star was first rumoured to be in Byron Bay in June, riding out the COVID-19 pandemic down under. This week it was revealed he’ll be staying in Australia after successfully extending his tourist visa by nine months.…
Read MoreNetwork Which Banned Ellen For Being ‘Toxic,’ Still Totally OK To Run MAFS
The Nine Network has taken the moral high ground today, pulling The Ellen DeGeneres Show from its on-air line up, amid ‘toxic workplace’ allegations. But the move is being labelled as ‘hypocritical,’ given Nine will continue to air the trashiest and most vile show in the history of television, Married At First Sight. “The sexual misconduct allegations at The Ellen DeGeneres seem completely trivial and innocent when compared to what happens on MAFS,” says media analyst Mark Hirst. “MAFS is riddled with abuse, deception and cheating, and the saddest part is, that is the entire point of the show!” Married…
Read MoreThe Masked Singer Allowed To Resume Filming After Performers Agree To Wear Face Masks
Fans of the reality TV show The Masked Singer are breathing a sigh of relief tonight, after authorities gave the show the all clear to resume production in a Melbourne studio. Yesterday Network 10 announced the suspension of the show, after several crew members tested positive for Covid-19. “We’re stoked to be back in production,” says Network TEN’s Mark Swinerton. “It’s been a tough and very uncertain 24 hours.” The good news for the show came after a studio inspection today by the Federal Government. “The costume masks being worn by the performers were not covid-safe,” says a Department of…
Read MoreEddie McGuire Applies For Job Seeker Allowance After Suspension Of Millionaire Hot Seat
Controversial TV host Eddie McGuire has applied for the federal government’s Job Seeker allowance of $550 a fortnight. It follows the suspension of the TV show he hosts on Channel Nine The Millionaire Hot Seat. The show is filmed at the same Melbourne studios as The Masked Singer, which on Saturday revealed crew members had tested positive to COVID-19. “Everything is up in the air right now,” says McGuire. “I need some financial certainty.” DBT understands Covid is not dramatically effecting McGuire’s other job as President of the Collingwood Football Club, or his other various writing and commentary roles. “But…
Read MoreWuhan Water Park Pool Found To Contain Less Disease Than Ivy Pool On Sundays
A team of researchers are playing down concerns about a huge dance party that took place in a packed Wuhan water park over the weekend. Despite Wuhan being ground zero for Covid-19, the pool at the ‘Wuhan Maya Beach Water Park’ was found to have much less disease than Sydney’s Ivy Pool on Sundays. “The Wuhan swimming pool is as clean as a whistle when compared to Ivy,” says lead researcher Paul Wakehurst from UNSW. “We found traces of Covid-19, HIV/AIDS, Tuberculosis and several sexually transmitted diseases in the Ivy Pool.” Researchers say the sheer diversity and volume of people…
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