Sydney Men Join #MeToo Movement To Protest Non-Consensual Cuddling After Sex

A group of disgruntled Sydney men have joined the #MeToo movement. They’re taking a stand against their partners, who are allegedly forcing them into cuddling after sex. “Enough is enough,” says group leader Tom Issacs. “Just because we’ve had sex, it doesn’t automatically mean I’m up for cuddling.” The men say they feel coerced into doing things they’re not comfortable with and they’re urging others to come forward. “You don’t have to hug your wife or girlfriend after sex if you don’t want to,” says Tom Issacs. “It’s warm, you’re tired, you just want to sleep. They need to stop…

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Vaucluse Mum Hijacks Son’s First Day Of School Photo To Flaunt Her Freshly Botoxed Face

As the school year gets underway for many students in NSW today, some parents are dropping their children at school for the very first time. It’s typically an emotional experience, and one Sydney mum is making the most of it. 39 year old Nicki Webb is accused of using her young son’s first day of school to post a photo of her freshly botoxed face. “She doesn’t care about the first day of school, or her son,” one of her facebook friends told DBT anonymously. “That photo is literally all about showing off her forehead.” It’s understood Nicki Webb visited…

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Uber Launches New Dating App For Single Drivers and Passengers

Ride share company Uber is diversifying into the lucrative dating industry. Uber has launched a new app called Uber Single, exclusively for single drivers and passengers. “It’s very similar to regular Uber, but for single people only,” says Uber’s CEO Honi Ondieke. “Passengers can select drivers they find attractive, and vice versa.” Uber Single also has a rating system, allowing drivers and passengers to rate each other. “I’ve got high standards,” says Uber Single driver Andrew Hindmarsh. “I won’t pick up anything less than a 4.8, unless I’m really strapped for cash.” The app also has an ‘Uber Single Pool’…

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Confectionary Maker Allen’s To Stop Producing Teeth Lollies “As They’re Offensive To Souths Fans”

Australian confectionary brand Allen’s has today announced that from next month it will stop producing Teeth lollies. “We are doing this out of respect to Souths Rugby League fans, who have among the highest rates of dental decay in the Sydney metropolitan area,” says Allen’s CEO Rick Tiller. He says the decision follows a growing number of complaints from Rabbitohs fans who say they find the lollies offensive. But some Souths supporters are labelling the move ‘an overreaction.’ “I love the teeth lollies,” says long time bunnies fan Ray Johnston. “Sometimes I actually position them in my mouth to pretend…

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Man Wearing ‘Thrills’ T-shirt Probably Just Going To Chill At Home Tonight

Appearances can be deceiving. A Sydney man wearing a ‘Thrills’ branded t-shirt on a beautiful Saturday in the height of summer is probably just going to chill at home tonight. “I’ve got some paperwork to catch up on,” says local graphic designer Henry Daniels, who has already spent much of the day at his desk. “I might fire up the Playstation later, but I reckon I’ll be in bed by about 10.30pm latest.” The ‘Thrills’ clothing brand bills itself as ‘a culture defining lifestyle fashion brand, influenced by vintage aesthetics, underground music and art.’ But its being embraced by even…

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Local Biker Angry Nobody Watched Him Ride Loudly Down Darlinghurst Rd

A dejected Sydney motorbike rider is criticising pedestrians around Kings Cross today. When Marc Hendricks rode his excessively loud motor bike down Darlinghurst road this afternoon, he says not one person looked at him. “It’s unbelievable,” he says. “What else could these people have going on in their lives preventing from looking at me and my machine? They obviously have no idea about bikes.” The 45 year old is keen to re-enforce his passion for motor bikes, but he’s quick to differentiate himself from motorcycle gang members. “I’m not a bikie,” he says. “But I do have a menacing beard…

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No Name Aussie Politician Rides Bandwagon By Congratulating The US Democrats On Twitter

Greens leader Adam Bandt has joined the thousands of politicians around the world offering their congratulations to the US Democrats on their inauguration. “The swearing in of the Biden administration represents a triumph of hope over fear. Congratulations @KamalaHarris and @JoeBiden,” Bandt tweeted yesterday. But the US Vice President Kamala Harris has delivered a swift rebuke to Bandt’s tweet. “Who the fuck is Adam Bandt and why is he tagging me on Twitter?” she asked DBT. “I’ve literally never heard of him.” Our Washington correspondent explained to Ms Harris that he’s the leader of the Greens in Australia, but that…

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Trump’s Removalists Seen Taking Tanning Bed Out Of White House

With only hours to go before Donald Trump and his wife officially leave the White House, furniture removalists were spotted with one of his prize possessions. “This is Trump’s personal tanning bed,” one of the removalists told DBT. “He used it a short time ago and now it’s on its way to Trump’s resort at Palm Beach.” The Mar-a-lago resort will be Trump’s home for the time being as he deals with the trail of destruction he’s left behind, including a second impeachment and criminal investigations. “We’ve already moved out Trump’s personal supply of Le Tan bronzer,” says the removalist.…

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Tennis Australia Gives Players In Hotel Quarantine ‘Wii Tennis’ For Training Purposes

Aussie tennis ace Bernard Tomic says his Australian Open training schedule is ‘almost back on track’ after being given a Nintendo console with Wii Tennis on it. “Officials from Tennis Australia gave me the console early this morning and I’ve already clocked up 5 hours match time,” says the 28 year old. Earlier he gave Tennis Australia a big serve, criticising them for strict hotel quarantine conditions, which prevents him from leaving the room, even for important training. “The Wii Tennis is pretty sick actually,” says Tomic. “I had a big match against Novak Djokovic today. Some of the refereeing calls…

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Melbourne Man Stuck O/S Starts Intensive Tennis Lessons To Qualify For Next Year’s Australian Open

A Melbourne born man whose been stranded in London since March has hired the coach of British tennis star Andy Murray, in a desperate bid to qualify for the 2022 Australian Open. “It could be my only way into Australia,” says 29 year old Dave Bracewell. “I used to play a bit as a kid and I’ve still got 12 months to become a world class tennis player.” And while his plan might seem overly ambitious, he says it’s the best chance he’s got of returning home to Melbourne. “So far I’ve applied for 6 different exemptions and I’ve got…

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