Posts by DBT
Bald Man Accused of Cropping Facebook Profile Pic To Exclude Top Of Head
CROP TOP: A Brisbane man is accused of intentionally cropping his Facebook profile photo to exclude the top of his bald head. It’s understood Simon Harvey started losing his hair 5 years ago, at the tender age of 26. “Ever since then, he’s also been wearing hats, even on overcast days,” says one of his friends. “He’s also now begun wearing sunglasses on the top of his head.” With all of Simon Harvey’s Facebook photos set to private, his profile photo remains the only glimpse into how he looks these days. But the IT worker says he has nothing to…
Read More“This One’s For Her Majesty:” Local Man Digs Deep For Excuse To Have Another Line
DBT YEAR IN REVIEW: SEPTEMBER 17 CROWNING GLORY: A Double Bay man is using far-fetched and insensitive excuses to help justify his drug use. While out partying last night, Mark Saxby had already consumed 5 lines in 20 minutes when he delicately rolled up a $5 and yelled; “..this one is for Her Majesty.” “Normally I only use $50 or $100 notes to snort,” he told a DBT reporter today. “But last night I wanted to pay my respects to the Queen, whose face is printed on the $5.” Friends of the 34 year old say he’s absolutely kidding himself.…
Read MoreRetired Taxi Driver Goes Back To Work, Purely For The Social Activity
FOR THE LOVE OF IT: A lonely 71 year old former cab driver says he’s been forced back behind the wheel, but it has nothing to do with money. With a home in Sydney’s north and three investment properties, Ray Smith has no financial problems. Instead, he’s just looking to meet new people. “This weather has been pretty average….” he said to one passenger in a desperate attempt to get a conversation going. “Another one of my favourite conversation starters is ‘are you finished work for the day?’ he later told DBT. Ray Smith says returning to his former job…
Read MoreCh 9 Axes NRL Semi Finals This Weekend, To Allow For Rolling Royal Coverage
GOD SAVE OUR TV: The Nine Network appears to be continuing its rolling royal coverage through to the Queen’s funeral early next week. “Sorry to NRL fans, but we’re committed to keeping our main channel on Royal coverage,” says Nine host Karl Stefanovic while on air a short time ago. In a statement to DBT, Nine says: “Our research shows most Australians want more time to grieve the Queen’s death, and we’ve already got Karl and Ali plus several crews on location in the UK.” In some good news for fans, Nine says the semi-final clashes; Rabbitohs V Sharks &…
Read MoreRenewed Calls For A Cashless Economy As Charles Becomes King
CASH IS KING: Calls for a cashless society are growing in Australia upon news that King Charles’ face is set to grace our bank notes and coins. “I’d prefer to use a credit card than carry round Charles’ face all day in my pocket near my private parts ,” says one consumer. The changes will affect the five, ten, 20 and 50 cent coins, along with the $1 and $2 coins, plus the $5 banknote. “The Queen is currently on our currency now, but at least she’s attractive,” one man told DBT. The Australian economy is tipped to be cashless…
Read More#BREAKING: John Barilaro Announced As New Host Of A Current Affair
PLUM JOB: Dodgy builders and noisy neighbours have a new reason to be concerned. The Nine Network has announced the former NSW deputy premier John Barilaro as the new host of its flagship daily current affairs program A Current Affair. “John is very comfortable on camera and he’s been on the receiving end of a few tough interviews, so he’ll have no problems conducting them,” says Nine’s head of programming Darren Rick. It follows the announcement last night by long time host Tracey Grimshaw that she will be departing the role after 17 years. But some industry insiders are questioning…
Read MoreRENTAL CRISIS: Single car garage in Bondi now listed as ‘studio apartment’ on Domain.com.au
DBT YEAR IN REVIEW, SEPTEMBER 3 LUXE LISTING: Sydney’s rental crisis has plunged to new desperate lows, with a dirty, old one car garage on Blair St being listed as a ‘studio apartment’ for rent. “This is a rare opportunity for someone to enjoy an endless summer lifestyle,” the landlord told DBT. The listing on domain.com.au makes no mention of the garage’s lack of bathroom or running water, but says it’s “only an easy stroll to Bondi Beach.” The ad also notes its “close to transport,” but there are no bus stops or train stations nearby. “Well, it is close…
Read More#BREAKING: NSW Premier Calls On The Shaq To Help Resolve War With Rail Unions
EVERYWHERE MAN: The state government has unveiled its latest weapon in the fight against the ongoing train strikes crippling the transport network. The Premier Dominic Perrottet has today announced former NBA star Shaquille O’Neal will lend a hand in negotiations with rail workers. “It’s time to bring in the big guns,” says the Premier. “I don’t think the Shaq has any particular experience resolving industrial disputes, but he is passionate about social justice.” It follows the Shaq being wheeled out by the PM in support of a proposed referendum on an Indigenous voice to parliament. “While he’s here, we may as…
Read MoreRose Bay Man Referring To Strangers As ‘Brah,’ In Desperate Bid To Fit In At The Coogee Bay Hotel
DOWN SOUTH: An eastern suburbs man has unveiled a subtle switch in language while out at the Coogee Bay Hotel today. Friends of Max Mansfield became concerned when they overheard him saying ‘brah’ several times to strangers. “It’s extremely out of character for him,” say Mansfield’s friends. “I’ve heard him say ‘bro’ a few times before, but never ‘brah.’ The 31 year old securities trader was heard saying to one stranger at the pub; ‘How’s your day going brah?’ ..That’s despite the fact that he rarely travels any further south than the SCG. “He’s just a nerdy guy from Rose…
Read MoreAbbie Chatfield Trying To Get Caught Drink Driving After Seeing How Much Media Attention It Got Kate Richie
DRUNK ON FAME: Sydney influencer and radio host Abbie Chatfield has come clean on her latest ploy for media attention. “So far today I’ve had five Margarita cocktails, two of which I’ve drunk while driving around Kings Cross,” she told DBT in an exclusive interview. She’s attempting to emulate the saturation media coverage gained by her radio rival Kate Richie, who was arrested for low-range drink driving this week. “There’s heaps of cops around here at the moment, which is great,” she says. “Hopefully I’ll get pulled over for a breath test soon.” The 27 year old says she’ll continue…
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