Posts Tagged ‘Theme’
Overly Optimistic Greens Volunteer Attempts To Hand Andrew Bolt A How To Vote Card
TOUGH SELL: Sky News host and climate change denier Andrew Bolt felt the full force of eager volunteers handing out how to vote cards at pre-polling today. “Mr Bolt, have you thought about voting for the Greens this election?” asked one Greens volunteer. “Surely you’re taking the piss?” replied a bemused Andrew Bolt. But the Greens volunteer didn’t give up. A DBT reporter was on hand as the two began a heated debate about climate change and its impact on politics. The pair traded blows on the footpath outside the polling station for at least 20 minutes. But the conversation…
Read MoreTOKEN GESTURE: PM Releases ‘Gender Swap’ Photo In Last-Ditch Bid To Appeal To Trans Voters
SEX APPEAL: One week from the federal election, the Prime Minister is attempting to reach out to transgender and non-binary voters. Scott Morrison released a Snapchat ‘Gender Swap’ photo on his Twitter account this afternoon, showing himself as both a male and female. “Hopefully this goes some way to express my support toward transgender and non-binary Australians,” he says. “I’m as proud a male, as I am a female.” But advocates for transgender equality have been accusing the PM of spreading “alarmist views” and “misinformation” following comments he made about gender-affirming surgery. “Let me be clear,” says Scott Morrison. “The…
Read More‘Buy The Dip’ Says Local Crypto Bro Now Living Back At Home With His Folks
CRYPTO CARNAGE:’ A Melbourne digital currency enthusiast is brushing off concerns about the latest crypto price plunge, saying now is the perfect time to buy. “I know I sound a bit like a real estate agent, but everyone knows: buy low, sell high,” says Jean Entwistle. “The crypto market is perfectly placed to invest and re-build.” It comes amid crypto market mayhem, with $300 billion wiped off the markets in a single night. “I had to move back in with my parents last week, but I’ve never felt more confident about crypto,” Jean Entwistle told DBT. “If you don’t buy…
Read MoreBLACK HOLE: Astronomers Release First Photo Of Sydney Nightlife Taken From Outer Space
INTO THE ABYSS: It sounds like something out of a sci-fi blockbuster, but the latest space discovery is very real. An international team of scientists have released an image of central Sydney at night, taken from outer space. “The black hole shows the Kings Cross, Darlinghurst, and CBD areas,” says France Cordova, from the US National Science Foundation. “You can see in the image, there is literally nothing there.” Sydney’s nightlife became dormant when controversial lock out laws were introduced in 2014. “The lockout laws have been repealed, but the last few years of covid lockdowns have conclusively ripped any…
Read More“This Interest Rate Hike Will Break Me,” Says Man Who Spends $300 A Week On Ciggies
UP IN SMOKE: A Sydney man is in complete denial about the impact his cigarette addiction is having on his finances. Max Donnelly smokes at least one packet of lung busters every day, costing him on average $300 a week. But he claims it’s yesterday’s Reserve Bank interest rate hike that will send him over the edge. “I can’t survive with interest rates at 0.35%,” he told DBT, overlooking the fact that before yesterday, interest rates hadn’t increased in 12 years. “The rate hike will cost me an extra $20 a week in mortgage repayments.” And economists believe the RBA…
Read MoreNew Report Lists Sydney Airport As Australia’s Most Popular Easter Getaway
SHIT SHOW: Sydney airport has been named as Australia’s most popular Easter holiday destination, as chronic staff shortages and a flood of travellers cause heavy delays. “Our report shows many travellers are spending more time at Sydney Airport than their planned destination,” says Linda Lewis from the Transport and Tourism Forum. And the situation is set to worsen as many Australians get their first chance to travel after being pent up for two years during the pandemic. “Now I remember why I fucking hate travelling,” says one Sydney man on his way to the Gold Coast. “I’ve been waiting to…
Read MorePeople Who Avoid Office Small Talk By Working Remotely, Can Save Up To 10 Days Per Year: Report
EFFICIENCY GAINS: As Australian companies attempt to lure workers back into the office, a new report shows it may be costing us dearly. “Our study shows the average Australian worker engages in 35 minutes of office small talk every day,” says Dean Hoddle from UNSW’s Time Management Institute. “That equates to six working days per year, but some people waste 10 days a year chatting to colleagues in the office about non-work related matters.” Dean Hoddle says working from home is considerably more efficient. “Remote work is a great way of avoiding drawn out and generic conversations about the weather…
Read MoreNew Polling Shows The Angry Pensioner Who Abused Sco Mo, Is Now Australia’s Preferred PM
NEW CONTENDER: A frustrated disability pensioner is threatening to derail the federal election, after new polling shows him to be Australia’s preferred Prime Minister. The man – only known as Ray – abused Scott Morrison in a Newcastle pub last night. Today, polling company Newspoll interviewed 5,600 Australians, asking who they’d prefer to be Prime Minister: Scott Morrison, Anthony Albanese, or Ray the angry pensioner. “The results weren’t even close,” says Newspoll’s Lyle Sims. “57% of respondents chose Ray, with Anthony Albanese on 22% and Scott Morrison trailing on 21%. With a large media contingent on hand last night, Ray…
Read MoreSTUNNING & BRAVE: Local Woman Leaves Hair Salon In 80km/h Winds After Cut, Blow Dry & Highlights
FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS: A local woman is being praised for her bravery this evening. Cynthia Thomas spent upwards of $450 today on a cut, blow dry and highlights at the ritzy Joh Bailey hair salon in Double Bay. “After my cut, I was forced to wait in the salon for more than one hour,” she told DBT. “I was hoping the heavy winds would die down a bit, but to no avail.” Then at 5.25pm, Ms Thomas boldly walked out onto Knox Street, amid wind gusts of up to 80km/h. “I knew there was a risk my entire hair style…
Read MoreTransport NSW Announce New Ferry Service From Dee Why To Chatswood, Via Pittwater Road
FLOOD RELIEF: Sydney Ferries has today announced a new service from Dee Why, traveling 13 kilometres inland to Chatswood. Transport NSW says there will be six ferries per day starting at Pittwater Road. “With many road and rail services closed or delayed due to flooding, we’re stepping up our ferry services,” says Transport Minister David Elliot. “The new Dee Why to Chatswood service will take about one hour, depending on weather conditions and traffic.” And, as rain continues, Transport NSW isn’t ruling out opening more ferry services. “The NSW Liberal government remains committed to providing quality transport for the people…
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