“Sydney’s air quality is so poor today,” says man who takes a hit of his vape every 14 seconds

SMOKE & MIRRORS: Sydney’s air quality has plummeted due to smoke from a major bushfire burning more than 400 kilometres away in the state’s north-west. “All this smoke is so bad for my lungs,” says local man Quincy Ryan. “I’m an asthmatic as well, so my GP has told me to stay indoors as much as possible.” The 32 year old says his rampant vape habit is not a factor. “No, the bushfire smoke is way more harsh than my vape,” he says while exhaling a plume of blueberry flavoured vapour. “If anything my vaping trains my lungs for these…

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#BREAKING: Boomer on the loose, trying to make small talk with strangers about the hot weather

GOOD CHAT: Sydney-siders are being advised to avoid an elderly woman who is walking around trying to engage strangers in conversation about the heat. “The woman is described as friendly, with greying hair and probably around 65 years old,” says Inspector Lyle Cummings from NSW Police. Witnesses say she’s approaching people and saying, ‘hot enough for you today,’ and then laughing slightly. “Yes, it’s hot, everyone knows that!” one man was heard replying to her. “We don’t need to talk about it every 10 seconds.” Police say the woman may be lonely or bored, and was last seen in the…

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Westfield Bondi Junction now charging $20 entry fee, as shoppers queue for the air conditioning

AIR CON: Shoppers going to Westfield at Bondi Junction to escape today’s scorching heat are in for a surprise. “In a bid to keep the centre from overcrowding, we’ve introduced a $20 entry fee,” says a statement from Westfield Bondi Junction. “At this stage the fee applies for today only, but we’ll see.” It comes as thousands of shoppers head indoors to escape the 40 degree temperature outside, the hottest day in years. The unprecedented entry fee is getting a mixed reaction from shoppers. “It’s a small price to pay to shop in comfort,” says one local shopaholic. Others say…

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Sydney man buys tickets to see Seinfeld in Perth so he doesn’t have to deal with the traffic leaving Olympic Park

SEINFELD HACK: An eastern suburbs man is taking the unprecedented step of flying to the other side of the country, just to avoid the gridlock traffic whenever there’s an event on at Sydney Olympic Park. Paul Watts has purchased tickets for his girlfriend and himself to see Seinfeld’s stand up comedy show at Perth’s RAC Arena, even though the same show is on in Sydney at Qudos Bank Arena, only 20 kilometres from his home in Dover Heights. “Last time I went to a concert at Olympic Park, it finished at 10pm, but heavy gridlock traffic meant I only got…

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“I’m so relieved the actors’ strike is finally over!” says woman who appeared once as an extra on Home & Away in 2017

BIG BREAK: A Sydney actor says the end of the actors’ strike in Hollywood will give her a much needed career boost. “The strike has halted production in the USA, but it’s also impacted the film and TV industries in Australia,” says Marie Julanti. “It’s been devastating to be honest. I’ve been forced to return to my regular job working as a sales assistant at Supre.” With the six month strike now set to end, the 27 year old Erskineville woman says she’s looking forward to get back in front of the camera. “Acting is my one true love,” she…

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“AI is not a threat to my job,” says eastern suburbs trust fund recipient with no job

JOB SECURITY: As many workers try to adapt and upskill in an ever-changing job market, Sydney’s Evan Emery-Smyth says he’s not concerned about AI. “If anything AI will just help the existing workforce,” the 37 year old man told DBT. “I think it’s only going to create efficiency.” But questions are being raised about his ability to talk about the impact of AI on labour markets, as he hasn’t held a job for the last 10 years. “I might go back to work soon,” he says. “I just haven’t found a career I love yet.” The Rose Bay man’s Instagram…

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#BREAKING: Hollywood superstar Gwyneth Paltrow and entourage fail to get a table at Totti’s Bondi

TOTTI’S REJECT: Hollywood actress and wellness guru Gwyneth Paltrow was unceremoniously today turned away from Totti’s Bondi, a popular Italian eatery on Bondi Road. “Sorry Ms Paltrow, we are booked out till April 14 next year,” the door girl said. “It’s really difficult to get a table here, even for non-celebrities.” The Goop founder was visibly disturbed about the rejection. “Fuck this place for a joke,” she said to her security staff as she walked away back toward their vehicle. “Plus it took us 45 minutes just to find a parking spot!” She was spotted at Margaret in Double Bay…

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Sydney corporate drone happy unexpected cold snap provides half decent excuse to wear his puffer vest

VESTED INTEREST: Today’s frosty weather in Sydney is a welcome relief for one local finance worker. “I haven’t worn my puffer jacket in a few months because of the heat,” Hamish Robards told DBT while on his 13 minute lunch break. “But when I woke up this morning and checked my weather app I was absolutely stoked!” The 31 year old foreign exchange trader says he was torn this morning about whether to wear his North Face vest or his Katmandu one. “I went for the North Face one today, but it looks like it might be cold again tomorrow. How…

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COST OF LIVING CRISIS: Local man now doing all his grocery shopping at his parents’ place

SELF-CHECKOUT: A Melbourne man is avoiding rising supermarket prices by doing his weekly grocery shopping at his parents’ kitchen. “It’s free and easy,” Samual Merritt-Rimmer told DBT. “The pantry is perpetually stocked and the fridge is full of culinary delights, but sometimes they are out of avocados.” The 24 year old says grocery price rises had initially forced him to start stealing from the supermarket. “I’m still stealing, but at least this way I’m being open and upfront about it.” And his mother doesn’t seem to mind at all. “I always buy extra groceries anyway,” she says. “And at least this…

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HIGH ROLLER: $60M Powerball winner celebrates with a shopping trip to Coles

SUPERMARKET SPLURGE: A lucky Victorian woman is in celebration mode after winning $60 million dollars in yesterday’s Powerball. “Finally I can now afford groceries,” the anonymous winner told DBT as she combed the aisles at her local Coles. “Until now I’ve been relying on fast food and leftovers from my parent’s place.” Onlookers watched in awe, as she added avocados and heirloom tomatoes to her shopping trolley, seemingly unfazed by the recent soaring grocery prices & cost of living crisis. Then – as she selected a variety of imported cheeses and olives from the deli section – a crowd began…

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