Posts Tagged ‘Theme’
Lonely Planet release its new travel guide: ‘The Worst Four Things To Do In Sydney 2025’
TOURIST TRAPS: Travel guide publisher Lonely Planet has released its much anticipated ‘The Worst four Things To Do In Sydney, 2025,’ with The Royal Easter Show taking out the top spot. “Visitors can look forward to three‑hour queue marathons for dodgy carnival rides, manned by ride operators with a scary amount of missing teeth,” says the Lonely Planet guide. “And you’ll leave with debt and diabetes.” Coming in second place is Vivid Sydney. “Lining up to see colourful lights in freezing winter temperatures is an absolute no no,” says the guide. “Everyone knows this, but for some reason they still…
Read MoreEaster weekend away at AirBnB derailed as friends spend first 24 hours arguing over who gets the room with the ensuite
STAND OFF: A relaxing Easter getaway has spectacularly unravelled after a group of friends spent the entire first day of their Byron Bay trip locked in passive-aggressive battle over who would claim the Airbnb’s only room with an ensuite. What began as a wholesome reunion quickly spiralled into an emotional stand-off, as decades of repressed resentment came to the surface. “It was supposed to be a chill long weekend,” said trip organiser Olivia Reid, who booked the house under her name and therefore assumed she’d get the ensuite. “But apparently, booking it, paying the deposit, and bringing board games means…
Read MoreHomeless, unemployed & single; Sydney woman solves all her problems with a single bikini selfie on local Facebook group
BARGAINING POWER: The blurry line between neighbourhood Facebook group and dating/jobs/accomodation website, has been crossed yet again. Amid Sydney’s escalating rental crisis, local woman Lou Grace has posted an alluring photo of herself on Bondi Local Loop, with the caption: “Hey beautiful Bondi peeps, I’m looking for a spare room! DM me ASAP. Must be a modern place and close to the beach xo.” It remains unclear if she’s even offering to pay any rent, or if her mere presence is enough. Either way, her post is raising eyebrows. “Try looking on realestate.com.au like everyone else ffs!” replied one Facebook…
Read More“Buy the dip,” suggests eastern suburbs trust fund recipient who still lives at home with his parents
HIGH ROLLER: An eastern suburbs trust fund recipient was dishing out unsolicited financial advice over lunch today with friends. As global markets fell on fears of a tariff war, Fabian Lollingsworth told friends to “buy the dip.” The 32-year-old, whose own investment strategy currently involves zero rent, free wi-fi, and a fully stocked fridge courtesy of his parents. “This is prime buying territory,” the former private school boy explained. “Fortunes are made during downturns.” Friends who joined him at the table were reportedly less enthusiastic. “He hasn’t paid for his own brunch in years,” one of them told DBT. “And…
Read MorePatrick Schwarzenegger’s much anticipated visit to Bondi Beach abandoned after he was unable to find a parking spot
WIPE OUT: One of Hollywood’s biggest stars has fallen victim to the logistical nightmares of visiting Bondi Beach. White Lotus actor Patrick Schwarzenegger was unable to find a parking spot this afternoon, despite circling the area for almost two hours. “Fuck this, I’m going back to the hotel,” the 31 year old told DBT. “I flew halfway across the world, but I didn’t realise that finding parking at Bondi was the real challenge.” Onlookers saw him driving his rental car up and down Campbell Parade and surrounding streets, frantically peering at signs, double-checking parking apps, and even attempting to park…
Read MorePM now driving an Uber on weekends to help pay for all of Labor’s pre-election spending
FISCAL RESPONSIBILITY: Australia’s Prime Minister is moonlighting as an Uber driver on weekends amid Labor’s extravagant pre-election cash splash. After an $8.5 billion Medicare boost, Labor has today also announced new energy rebates totalling $1.8 billion, with further cost of living relief expected in Tuesday’s budget. “Ultimately tax payers will bear the brunt of all these costs, but I’m just doing my bit to chip in,” Anthony Albanese told DBT on a phone interview while he was driving his Uber. It was a startled passenger who recognised the Labor Party leader as her driver this morning and promptly reported it…
Read More“Artificial intelligence poses no threat to my job,” says eastern suburbs trust fund recipient with no job
JOB SECURITY: As many workers try to adapt and upskill in an ever-changing job market, Sydney’s Evan Emery-Smyth says he’s not concerned about AI. “If anything AI will just help the existing workforce,” the 37 year old man told DBT. “I think it’s only going to create efficiency.” But questions are being raised about his ability to talk about the impact of AI on labour markets, as he hasn’t held a job for the last 10 years. “I might go back to work soon,” he says. “I just haven’t found a career I love yet.” The Rose Bay man’s Instagram…
Read MoreUnexpected cooler weather gives local finance bro perfect excuse to whip out the puffer vest
VESTED INTEREST: A local finance worker was seen walking around Double Bay in a Moncler puffer vest today, even though it’s only March. “Even after a heatwave on Sunday this bloke already has the puffer on, what a muppet,” shouted one onlooker. “Calm down mate, it’s only March,” yelled another bystander. A DBT reporter approached the man in the puffer vest. He fled into a side lane on Knox Street, but our reporter caught up with him on Cross Street. “I haven’t worn my puffer jacket in a few months,” he admitted to DBT. “But I’ve been itching to get…
Read More“Sorry we’re late, train delays,” claims constantly unreliable eastern suburbs man who hasn’t used public transport in 14 years
OFF THE RAILS: A Sydney man has attempted to use today’s train delays as an excuse to run late for dinner with friends. However DBT can reveal Grant Freyer-Stanton hasn’t set foot on public transport since leaving school in 2011. Friends of the 32 year old say he and his partner were 45 minutes late to arrive at their place tonight. “Sorry I’m late, train delays,” he was heard saying to his friends, despite getting an Uber directly from his house in Bondi. “He hasn’t been on a train in 14 years, yet he still uses that excuse like it’s…
Read More#BREAKING: Tropical Cyclone Alfred downgraded to a mainstream news media clickbait conspiracy
MEDIA STORM: In a twist even the most dramatic weather forecasters didn’t see coming, Tropical Cyclone Alfred has been downgraded to a mainstream news media clickbait conspiracy. After days of frenzied warnings and frantic panic buying, it turns out Alfred will be nothing more than a tropical low by the time it makes landfall this morning. “We saw online traffic across all our news sites jump 4000%,” says one media executive. “Honestly it was a fantastic result, and our coverage is not over yet!” Weather forecasters now say Cyclone Alfred is “actually just a mildly damp drizzle.” The news comes…
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