Posts Tagged ‘Theme’
Catching the ferry during a storm now the only vaguely fun thing left to do in Sydney: Report
NANNY STATE: As New South Wales continues to weather relentless storms, Sydney-siders are discovering the city’s last remaining vaguely fun activity. Ferry operators are reporting an unexpected surge in passengers eager to brave the elements. “We just smoked a spliff and got on the Manly Ferry,” one man told DBT. “Honestly it was the best thing that has happened to me since my partying days.” Social media users are seizing the opportunity to document their stormy ferry trips, turning sea-splashed selfies into viral sensations. The NSW Premier is concerned. “We implemented lockout laws to ensure public safety and reduce alcohol…
Read More“Sorry, I have to cancel tonight because of the train strike!” says eastern suburbs woman who hasn’t used public transport in 13 years
DERAILED: A Bondi Junction woman is using the ongoing train strike as a get-out-of-jail-free card to bail on a social engagement, despite not having used the rail network in over a decade. She was due to meet her friend at the Golden Sheaf tonight. “I’m so sorry the trains are striking and it’s too hard to get around.” Imogen Banister told her friend. However her friend remains unconvinced. “She always gets an Uber every Wednesday to the Sheaf anyway,” her friend revealed to DBT. “The last time she caught a train was to school in 2012.”
Read MoreNews Corp reporter sets ambitious new year’s resolution to finally stop writing about Raygun
αRAGE BAIT: A reporter for the national News Corp title News.com.au has set himself a bold news year’s resolution. In 2025, Harry Hackman hopes to report some actual news, a huge departure from his endless stories about the controversial breakdancer Raygun. “Yeah, the Raygun stories always go really well,” he told DBT. “Mainly because everyone hates them so much they leave nasty comments, which means my stories show up in more people’s news feeds.” As 2025 dawns, the young reporter admits the transition away from Raygun stories won’t be easy. “I’ve never covered any real news before, and I’m not…
Read MoreTransport NSW announce new ferry service from Rose Bay to Double Bay, along New South Head Rd
FLOOD RELIEF: Sydney Ferries has today announced a new service to run along New South Head Rd. Transport NSW says there will be six ferries per day starting at The Rose Bay Hotel, and running to The Golden Sheaf Hotel. “With many road services closed or delayed due to flooding, we’re stepping up our ferry services,” says Transport Minister David Elliot. “The new Rose Bay to Double Bay ferry service will take about 10 minutes, depending on weather conditions and traffic.” And, as rain continues, Transport NSW isn’t ruling out opening more ferry services. “The NSW government remains committed to…
Read MoreRandwick real estate agent quickly adds ‘water views’ to sign, after heavy rain and localised flooding
SLIPPERY SALES TACTICS: A local real estate agent is moving quickly to take advantage of heavy rainfall and localised flooding across Sydney today. Paul Lambert has today updated the For Sale sign at a Randwick property to include the words ‘water views,’ even though the only water in the area is a newly formed puddle on the front driveway. “It’s actually not false advertising,” says the agent. “You can definitely see water from the living room.” The humble single level home brick is on the market for $5.5 million. “It’s a great opportunity,” says Lambert. “But get in quick, because…
Read MoreSydney offices record spike in weather related banter, as it was both ‘sweltering yesterday’ and ‘so stormy,’ today
QUALITY BANTER: Fast changing weather conditions have triggered a wave of generic weather related conversations across Sydney workplaces. Office banter surged this afternoon amid warnings of a thunderstorm and heavy rain. But yesterday, a heatwave sparked warnings of blackouts. “Wow, there are so many things to talk about at the moment,” said one worker this afternoon. “It’s really exciting!” replied another. “What a time to be alive.” But productivity experts are urging people to avoid weather related conversations. “They are unnecessary and boring,” says expert Lyle French. “Everyone knows what the weather is, all you need to do is look…
Read MoreLocal billionaires spend entire day at Westfield Bondi Junction, to save on home air conditioning costs
COLD COMFORT: In an unexpected display of thriftiness, some of Sydney’s wealthiest residents are spending the entire day at Westfield Bondi Junction. As Sydney swelters on the hottest day since November 2020, several billionaires are camping out in the shopping centre, instead of paying for their air conditioning at home. “I hardly ever go out these days,” one Vaucluse man told DBT. “But energy prices are astronomical these days, so I think it makes economic sense to utilise the facilities provided here.” Shopping centre workers were bemused by the high-flying visitors. “It’s not every day you see faces from the…
Read MoreRENTAL CRISIS WORSENS: Local man now offering to rent out his apartment for two hours while he goes to the Bondi Markets
SHORT-TERM RENTAL: Sydney’s rental crisis appears to be escalating, with one Bondi homeowner advertising to rent out his one bedroom unit on an hourly basis. “My sun-filled apartment is available for rent this Sunday while my wife and I go shopping at Bondi Markets,” Reece Tanner wrote on Bondi Local Loop. “It’s a minimum two hour stay, but we might even be gone for longer!” The art deco style apartment on Campbell Parade is on offer for $110 an hour. Three hours after posting the ad, Reece Tanner told DBT he’s already been inundated with applications. “Maybe I’ve listed it…
Read More“Wow, I completely forgot we had trains”: Eastern suburbs residents react to news of train strike
ZERO CARE FACTOR: It’s been called the worst shutdown on the rail network in living memory, with millions of passengers facing disruption if it goes ahead on Friday. But news of the impending train strike is causing little concern to residents in the leafy suburbs of Sydney’s east. “Oh yeah, that’s right, Edgecliff shopping centre also has a train line running through it,” says one woman while sipping a latte at an exclusive Double Bay café. “I once caught a train while traveling in Europe, haha.” As commuters around Sydney plan for alternate transport options, eastern suburbs remain apathetic. “Public…
Read MoreNSW workplace productivity falls to record lows, with employees too busy comparing what seats they had at Coldplay
GENERIC BANTER: The NSW Premier has issued a warning tonight, as workplaces across the state report record-low productivity levels this week. The culprit? Staff are spending large portions of the day comparing and boasting about the seats they had at the recent Coldplay concerts in Sydney. “I sat in a corporate box,” said one woman, in a desperate attempt to one-up another worker who said he had A section seats. “The view was phenomenal.” she said. “Chris Martin practically waved at me! Well, in my general direction.” Her coworkers exchanged weary glances as she showed the same blurry photos she…
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