Double Bay trust fund recipients celebrate public holiday, despite not having jobs

ALL PLAY, NO WORK: A group of Sydney trust fund recipients are having a party to mark the King’s birthday. However DBT can reveal none of them have had jobs, apart from a few days work experience at their parents’ large multinational corporations. The party goers have gathered today on the penthouse rooftop of a Double Bay apartment building. “OMG, it’s so good to have the day off,” said Lara Chambers-Winter, who was out partying hard for the entire weekend. “And, we’ll probably do the same thing again tomorrow.” “We’ve been drinking French champagne and Aperol Spritz while chatting about…

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Winner of record $150 million Powerball celebrates by spending it all on two hours of parking at Sydney Airport

PARKING SPLURGE: The winner of the largest ever single-person lottery win in the country’s history, will most likely be remembered for how they spent it. Graham Rundle has celebrated his $150 million windfall by spending the entire sum on two hours of parking at Sydney Airport. “After being announced as the winner I started dreaming about all the things I could do with the money,” he told DBT. “I could buy a huge mansion, or travel the world, but then it hit me—why not go for something truly extravagant?” So he drove to the P7 car park at Sydney airport’s…

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Eastern suburbs coke enthusiast says $300 federal budget rebate doesn’t quite go far enough

BUDGET BLUES: In a startling display of financial frivolity, a Potts Point man is voicing his dissatisfaction with the federal government’s $300 budget rebate, saying it simply doesn’t stretch far enough to support his lifestyle. “It’s a real slap in the face,” Mark Fenkle-Roberts told DBT. “These days in the eastern suburbs you can’t even get one bag for $300.” The government’s one-off rebate is aimed at easing Australia’s cost of living crisis. But some critics of the budget say the rebate should have only been made available to low income earners. “No way,” says Mark Fenkle-Roberts, with his jaw…

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Randwick real estate agent quickly adds ‘Water Views’ to sign after heavy rain causes puddle on front driveway

SLIPPERY SALES TACTICS: A local real estate agent is moving quickly to take advantage of heavy rainfall and localised flooding across Sydney today. Paul Lambert has today updated the For Sale sign at a Randwick property to include the words ‘Water Views,’ even though the only water in the area is a newly formed puddle on the front driveway. “It’s actually not false advertising,” says the agent. “You can definitely see water from the living room.” The humble single level home brick is on the market for $2.5 million. “It’s a great opportunity,” says Lambert. “But get in quick, because…

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Vaucluse woman selling her front row ticket to Taylor Swift after finally realising the concert is in the western suburbs

INCONVENIENT TRUTH: A local woman’s long-held dream of seeing Taylor Swift in concert has been dramatically ruined, after she finally realised the event is being held at Olympic Park. “I’m a huge Taylor Swift fan,” Veronica Brandon told DBT. “But I just assumed tonight’s concert would be at Allianz stadium in Moore Park.” “I haven’t been to the Western Suburbs in 11 years and there’s no way I’m going there on public transport.” The 27 year old purchased her ‘A Reserve’ ticket a few months ago for $379, and has listed it on Facebook for ‘$320 o.n.o.’ “To be honest,…

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Instagram introduces new feature allowing users to mute all content relating to Taylor Swift

ANTI-HERO: Social media platform Instagram has responded to growing demand from users to introduce a mute option for any content relating to pop superstar Taylor Swift. “Our AI software can easily identify any photos, videos or text about her, so you don’t have to see any of it if you don’t want to,” says a statement from Instagram. The new feature can filter posts, stories, and even ads featuring Swift or her music, ensuring a Taylor-free browsing experience for those who so desire. It comes as mainstream media and social media is awash with Taylor Swift content as she lands…

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Man who won $100m in record-breaking Powerball celebrates by spending it all on a two-bedroom semi in Marrickville

HIGH ROLLER: A joint winner of last night’s $200 million Powerball record jackpot is celebrating after finally navigating his way out of Australia’s housing crisis. Jonas Horvath has just spent nearly all of his $100 million newfound fortune on a small two-bedroom semi in Marrickville, located between a laundromat and a kebab shop. “It’s a rundown looking place located directly under the flight path, but now I can finally call myself a homeowner,” the 37 year old told DBT. “It may not be the nicest house in Sydney, but it’s much better than living at mum and dad’s place in…

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Newington anti-coeducation protestor runs away from female journalist because he’s not used to talking to women

MAN UP: An interview opportunity with a mainstream media outlet has been squandered by a man protesting Newington College’s decision to start accepting girls. Newington old boy and parent Xavier Martin was among a few dozen demonstrators at the school yesterday. When given a chance to share his views with channel 7 he got scared and ran away. “He told me he’s not used to speaking to women,” the female reporter told DBT. “I asked him one question and within seconds his face turned bright red and he was running away shouting ‘no comment.’ The school principal says the incident…

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#BREAKING: MAFS producer sacked after trying to match a couple who may actually be well suited

MAFS BOMBSHELL: A behind the scenes producer on Married At First Sight has been unceremoniously dumped from the show. Nine Network executives gave Mark Rundle his marching orders after he tried to do something entirely unheard of on MAFS – matching a couple who might actually be well suited to each other. “This is a direct breach of our tried-and-tested formula of pairing contestants with wildly incompatible partners for maximum on-screen drama,” one Nine executive told DBT. During the casting process for the show, producer Mark Rundle says he stumbled upon two contestants who shared common interests, values, and even…

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Sydney man under investigation after claiming he went to the Australian Open, without posting anything on his socials

TENNIS RACKET? A Bondi man is being questioned by police today after claiming he was among the crowd at the Australian Open tennis match between Alex de Minaur and Flavio Cobolli in Melbourne last night. Friends of Zac Barrett raised the alarm after noticing no tennis related content on the 31 year old’s social media. “This is an ongoing investigation,” says Detective Inspector Mark Harris from Rose Bay police. “It’s highly unlikely Mr Barrett attended the event, without posting anything about it.” “So far we’ve combed his Instagram posts, reels and stories, as well as his Facebook and Snapchat to…

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