Posts Tagged ‘Theme’
#BREAKING: Prince Harry and Meghan’s visit to Bondi Beach abandoned after they were unable to find a parking spot
WIPE OUT: The Duke and Duchess of Sussex have fallen victim to the logistical nightmares of visiting Bondi Beach. They unable to find a parking spot this afternoon, despite circling the area for almost two hours. “Fuck this, I’m going back to the hotel,” Prince Harry told DBT. “We still have to go to the football tonight.” Onlookers saw the couple driving up and down Campbell Parade and surrounding streets, peering at signs, double-checking parking apps, and even attempting to park in a motorcycle spot before finally giving up. Meghan Markle told DBT they’ll try to visit Bondi again tomorrow.…
Read MoreDouble Bay woman tries posting the ‘Mum what were you like in the 90’s’ trend, but nobody notices any difference
FOREVER YOUNG: A local woman who joined the viral “Mum, what were you like in the 90s?” trend, has been left disappointed after followers failed to detect any visible difference between her throwback photos and her current face. In her video, Venetia Hargreaves-Lowe, 54, included a series of still images of her from the 90’s, hoping to showcase a natural, graceful evolution over the decades. But commenters insisted she looked “basically identical” and, in several cases, “slightly younger now.” Ms Hargreaves-Lowe denies undergoing extensive cosmetic procedures, insisting she has merely “looked after herself,” and drunk lots of water. Venetia’s husband,…
Read More“Artificial intelligence poses no threat to my job,” says eastern suburbs trust fund recipient with no job
JOB SECURITY: As artificial intelligence triggers a wave of job losses across corporate Australia, Sydney’s Evan Emery-Smyth says he’s not concerned. “If anything AI will just help the existing workforce,” the 37 year old told DBT. “I think it’s only going to create efficiency.” But questions are being raised about his ability to talk about the impact of AI on labour markets, as he hasn’t held a job for the last 10 years. “I might go back to work soon,” he says. “I just haven’t found a career I love yet.” The Rose Bay man’s Instagram feed consists entirely of…
Read MoreLocal man’s fragile ego fully restored after his ChatGPT caricature adds a strong jawline, flawless smile and full head of hair
AI SLOP: A Sydney accountant has finally found the validation he’s been seeking: an AI-generated image that gives him everything his genetics did not. Derek Pemberton’s ChatGPT caricature has portrayed him with a chiseled jawline, bright white teeth and a full head of lustrous hair. “You can’t argue with AI,” he proudly told DBT. “It’s so accurate.” At press time, Pemberton was considering making the caricature his LinkedIn profile picture, insisting it was “basically the same person, just more aligned with my personal brand.”
Read More2016 throwback challenge deemed a failure in Sydney’s east, as everyone looks exactly the same now as they did back then
STUCK IN TIME: A viral social media trend has spectacularly backfired in Sydney’s east, with the ‘2016 throwback challenge’ proving impossible for residents who appear to have been cryogenically preserved for the past decade. The challenge asks participants to post photos or videos showing how they looked 10 years ago. “Once preventative Botox became a lifestyle choice rather than a medical decision, ageing just stopped,” says local cosmetic injector Dr. Natasha Frost-Hill. “These people haven’t aged. They’ve been maintained.” The challenge has failed so badly in the area that several influencers are now posting photos from 2006 instead. Early attempts…
Read MoreSydney man welcoming new morning ‘cafe rave’ trend so he has somewhere to go when he’s munted at 6am after a massive night out
MORNING GLORY: A Bondi man is throwing his support behind Australia’s emerging cafe rave scene, where the only drinks served are specialty coffees and cold pressed juice. Jake Hellier has been a fixture of Sydney’s nightclub scene for decades, and now he’s also embracing the early morning dance parties. “I came here at 6am straight from Club 77,” he told DBT on Sunday morning. “It’s a great option in case I don’t get invited back to someone’s house for kick-ons.” The 28 year old graphic designer appeared significantly more energised and alert than other revellers at the cafe. “I haven’t…
Read MoreVaucluse landlord lifts rent on Penrith 2-bedder by 3.5%, in line with today’s minimum wage increase
TRICKLE UP ECONOMICS: A local property investor has praised today’s 3.5% minimum wage hike, celebrating it with a 3.5% rent increase on a damp two-bedroom unit in Penrith he hasn’t visited since 2007. “It’s only fair,” says Hugo Embley-Wright. “I support an increase to the minimum wage, but it also needs to be reflected in rental prices.” “I’m just keeping up with the market.” About 180,000 people will see their hourly rate increase from $24.10 to $24.95 from July 1 after today’s ruling by the industrial umpire. Penrith tenant Alana Brooks, who works two jobs and currently sleeps in the…
Read More“These train delays are an absolute joke!” yells Sydney GP who hasn’t seen a patient on time since 1996
WAITING ROOM: Veteran Sydney GP Dr Max Sharpe-Bell is among those lashing out at the state government over yet another day of commuter chaos sparked by a power outage across most of the train network. “These delays are pathetic,” the doctor yelled, while waiting for his train this morning at Central Station. “And the government acts like it doesn’t even care about keeping people waiting!” However the doctor is facing backlash from his own patients, who say today’s transport delays are nothing compared to the wait times at his Double Bay medical clinic. “He’s normally running at least 45 minutes…
Read MoreFamous Benji Marshall sidestep not good enough to avoid volunteers handing out how to vote cards
WALL OF DEFENCE: Rugby league great Benji Marshall has failed to avoid volunteers at Potts Point polling station today, despite him having arguably the best side step in NRL history. “The people trying to hand out how to vote cards were coming at me from all angles,” Marshall told DBT. “I threw a dummy to breeze past the Greens bloke, then stepped left to get around the Labor bloke, but in the end, the Allegra Spender and Ro Knox volunteers proved too strong.” Witnesses say Marshall tried every trick in the book: pretending to kick, a spin move, and even…
Read More#BREAKING: Shock new polling shows Albo’s dog Toto as Australia’s preferred Prime Minister
DOGMATIC: A female Cavoodle is threatening to derail the federal election, after new polling shows Albo’s dog Toto is currently Australia’s preferred Prime Minister. Polling company Newspoll interviewed 5,600 Australians, asking who they’d prefer as Prime Minister: Anthony Albanese, Peter Dutton or Toto. “The results weren’t even close, with Toto capturing 41% of the vote,” says Newspoll’s Lyle Sims. Toto has developed a loyal following over the years while jet-setting alongside the Prime Minister and joining him at various events. “This isn’t the outcome I was hoping for, but honestly I wish Toto every success,” says Anthony Albanese. For her…
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