Posts Tagged ‘Theme’
“Oh well, there’s always next year!” says Paddington man who only started supporting the Swans yesterday
DIE-HARD FAN: A Paddington man is putting on a brave face tonight after the Sydney Swans’ loss to the Brisbane Lions in the AFL Grand Final. Peter Anderson was among hundreds of other bandwagon Swans fans watching the game at the Light Brigade Hotel on Oxford Street. “Oh well, there’s always next year!” he kept saying, even though today’s match was the very first AFL game he’s ever watched. The 32 year old finance worker was overheard making broad statements about “the Swans’ history of finals appearances,” despite not knowing who Buddy Franklin is. “You can’t win them all,” he…
Read MoreLow voter turnout in Sydney for local government elections, amid heavy traffic and fuck all parking
ROADBLOCK TO DEMOCRACY: Heavy traffic and a desperate lack of parking options in Sydney thanks to the city’s chronic over development, is threatening to derail today’s local government elections. Sydney’s gridlock and sub-standard public transport system has meant that by 11.00am today, only 0.45% of Sydney’s population had managed to cast their vote. “We are well behind schedule at this stage,” says election official Chris Gammat. “A lot of commuters are simply giving up. They’re turning around and going home. Or they’re not leaving home in the first place.” And they’ll have to pay a $55 fine for not voting.…
Read MoreState government announces new metro line running directly between Rosehill Racecourse and Crown Casino
TWO STOP SHOP: Transport NSW has today announced the latest extension of Sydney’s growing Metro network. The state government has unveiled plans to construct a new 2.1 billion dollar metro line between Rosehill Racecourse and Crown Casino. “It’s about urban connectivity,” says a government spokesperson. “And this is a vital public transport link,” The new line, dubbed Lucky Line, is scheduled to open in 2027. It is expected to increase attendance at the racecourse and casino by up to 12% in the first year. “This is a cash grab,” says the opposition leader. “The government benefits from increased taxes on…
Read MoreNew calls for ‘right to disconnect’ laws to be extended to boring small talk in office kitchens
SILENT TREATMENT: Australia’s new ‘right to disconnect’ laws give workers the right to ignore their bosses calls, texts and emails outside of work hours. But there are growing calls this afternoon for the laws to be expanded to include the right to ignore colleagues in office kitchens. It comes as employees seek refuge from the dreaded small talk that often accompanies coffee breaks and microwave meals. “These forced and generic conversations are honestly the bane of my existence,” one worker told DBT. “I’m in the kitchen for 45 seconds to heat up some food, but then I have to spend…
Read MoreIntroverts calling for ‘right to disconnect’ laws to be extended to friends and family members
DO NOT DISTURB: Socially anxious Australians are petitioning the federal government to extend the newly implemented ‘Right to Disconnect’ laws to include not just bosses and coworkers, but also friends and family members. The laws, which took effect today across Australia, empower employees to ignore work calls and emails outside of office hours without fear of repercussions. Now, the nation’s introverts say it’s time to bring that peace and quiet into their lives outside of the work place. “We’re not anti-social; we’re just pro-silence,” says Norman Franklyn, founder of the Introvert Rights Network (IRN). “We are fed up with unending…
Read MoreGroup travel photo shows no hint of the toxic arguments & power struggles that emerge anytime they’re trying to decide where to eat
PICTURE PERFECT: To the untrained eye, it looks like a group of happy friends enjoying lunch on their European adventure. But beneath the surface lies an intense power struggle that’s been building within the group since their Euro adventure began two weeks ago. The photo, posted by one of the group members, portrays a cheerful, peaceful and united front at a restaurant in sun-drenched Barcelona. But DBT understands the image was taken just three minutes after a tense 30-minute argument about where they should eat, and when. “Honestly it was like being on the UN Security Council,” says one insider…
Read MoreLocal stoner using Olympics as perfect excuse to sit on the couch and do sweet fuck all for 2.5 weeks
GEARED UP: A Sydney man has begun today feeling very crusty after waking up at 3am to watch the Olympics opening ceremony. Mark Stanwell says he’s dedicating the next two weeks to doing nothing but cheer on Aussie athletes he’s never heard of, in sports he didn’t know existed. “I think it’s important that everyone does their bit,” he says. “It’s about national pride.” With the games set to run till August 11, the local stoner is very well geared up for all the action. And he remains undeterred by any criticism of his plans. “Some people might say I’m…
Read MoreBondi man cancels Mykonos trip at the last minute to risk life and limb swimming with sharks off Brazil
CHOPPY WATERS: A Bondi man who was planning a trip to the Greek Island of Mykonos has had a last minute change of heart after hearing about the cocaine filled waters off the coast of Brazil. “I landed in Rio De Janeiro last night and went for my first swim this morning,” Jean-Paul Maxon told DBT. The 34 year old crypto trader says he took several large gulps of the sea water in a bid to ingest as much cocaine as possible. “I’m absolutely off my chops right now,” he says. “I wasn’t thinking about the sharks at all!” It…
Read MoreSydney man who’s never played contact sport now referring to the NSW Blues as “we”
ARMCHAIR ATHLETE: In a shocking turn of events, local man Max Rader has elevated his status from casual observer to fully-fledged team member of the NSW Blues, despite having never played a contact sport in his life. “We absolutely smashed them last night,” says Max Rader, while dressed head to toe in Blues merchandise. “How good is Origin football?” Rader, a 34-year-old accountant from Dover Heights, was overheard at his local café passionately discussing the team’s strategy, injuries, and future prospects as if he had personally contributed to every try and tackle. That’s despite him only playing tennis and chess…
Read More“It’s coming home!” sings pommy bloke who’s been living in Bondi for the last 31 years & hasn’t been ‘home’ once
FAIR-WEATHER FAN: A Bondi man has spent a large part of this morning loudly proclaiming “It’s coming home!” despite not having set foot in the UK for over three decades. Born in Manchester, Nigel Tanner has lived in Bondi for the last 31 years, and he’s never returned home even once. His sudden interest in the English soccer team comes after it beat the Netherlands in the European Championship this morning. “I’ve been singing ‘It’s coming home’ since 6am today,” he told DBT. “It’s been so much fun annoying all my neighbours and colleagues!” But friends of the 37 year…
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