Vaucluse woman selling her front row ticket to Taylor Swift after finally realising the concert is in the western suburbs

INCONVENIENT TRUTH: A local woman’s long-held dream of seeing Taylor Swift in concert has been dramatically ruined, after she finally realised the event is being held at Olympic Park. “I’m a huge Taylor Swift fan,” Veronica Brandon told DBT. “But I just assumed tonight’s concert would be at Allianz stadium in Moore Park.” “I haven’t been to the Western Suburbs in 11 years and there’s no way I’m going there on public transport.” The 27 year old purchased her ‘A Reserve’ ticket a few months ago for $379, and has listed it on Facebook for ‘$320 o.n.o.’ “To be honest,…

Read More

Instagram introduces new feature allowing users to mute all content relating to Taylor Swift

ANTI-HERO: Social media platform Instagram has responded to growing demand from users to introduce a mute option for any content relating to pop superstar Taylor Swift. “Our AI software can easily identify any photos, videos or text about her, so you don’t have to see any of it if you don’t want to,” says a statement from Instagram. The new feature can filter posts, stories, and even ads featuring Swift or her music, ensuring a Taylor-free browsing experience for those who so desire. It comes as mainstream media and social media is awash with Taylor Swift content as she lands…

Read More

Man who won $100m in record-breaking Powerball celebrates by spending it all on a two-bedroom semi in Marrickville

HIGH ROLLER: A joint winner of last night’s $200 million Powerball record jackpot is celebrating after finally navigating his way out of Australia’s housing crisis. Jonas Horvath has just spent nearly all of his $100 million newfound fortune on a small two-bedroom semi in Marrickville, located between a laundromat and a kebab shop. “It’s a rundown looking place located directly under the flight path, but now I can finally call myself a homeowner,” the 37 year old told DBT. “It may not be the nicest house in Sydney, but it’s much better than living at mum and dad’s place in…

Read More

Newington anti-coeducation protestor runs away from female journalist because he’s not used to talking to women

MAN UP: An interview opportunity with a mainstream media outlet has been squandered by a man protesting Newington College’s decision to start accepting girls. Newington old boy and parent Xavier Martin was among a few dozen demonstrators at the school yesterday. When given a chance to share his views with channel 7 he got scared and ran away. “He told me he’s not used to speaking to women,” the female reporter told DBT. “I asked him one question and within seconds his face turned bright red and he was running away shouting ‘no comment.’ The school principal says the incident…

Read More

#BREAKING: MAFS producer sacked after trying to match a couple who may actually be well suited

MAFS BOMBSHELL: A behind the scenes producer on Married At First Sight has been unceremoniously dumped from the show. Nine Network executives gave Mark Rundle his marching orders after he tried to do something entirely unheard of on MAFS – matching a couple who might actually be well suited to each other. “This is a direct breach of our tried-and-tested formula of pairing contestants with wildly incompatible partners for maximum on-screen drama,” one Nine executive told DBT. During the casting process for the show, producer Mark Rundle says he stumbled upon two contestants who shared common interests, values, and even…

Read More

Sydney man under investigation after claiming he went to the Australian Open, without posting anything on his socials

TENNIS RACKET? A Bondi man is being questioned by police today after claiming he was among the crowd at the Australian Open tennis match between Alex de Minaur and Flavio Cobolli in Melbourne last night. Friends of Zac Barrett raised the alarm after noticing no tennis related content on the 31 year old’s social media. “This is an ongoing investigation,” says Detective Inspector Mark Harris from Rose Bay police. “It’s highly unlikely Mr Barrett attended the event, without posting anything about it.” “So far we’ve combed his Instagram posts, reels and stories, as well as his Facebook and Snapchat to…

Read More

HOUSING CRISIS: Waverley council now renting out cabanas on Bondi Beach for $250 per night

TENT CITY: The popularity of beach cabanas in Australia comes amid growing awareness of sun safety. But now the open air tents are being touted as a solution to the escalating housing crisis. Waverley Council in Sydney’s east has today announced a new initiative: renting out cabanas on Bondi Beach for a modest $250 per night. “This is affordable beachfront living,” says Waverley Council Mayor Geoff Franks. “You can have your very own slice of Australia’s most popular beach at a reasonable price, and you can stay in your cabana during the day.” With Sydney housing prices continuing to skyrocket,…

Read More

“Sydney’s air quality is so poor today,” says man who takes a hit of his vape every 14 seconds

SMOKE & MIRRORS: Sydney’s air quality has plummeted due to smoke from a major bushfire burning more than 400 kilometres away in the state’s north-west. “All this smoke is so bad for my lungs,” says local man Quincy Ryan. “I’m an asthmatic as well, so my GP has told me to stay indoors as much as possible.” The 32 year old says his rampant vape habit is not a factor. “No, the bushfire smoke is way more harsh than my vape,” he says while exhaling a plume of blueberry flavoured vapour. “If anything my vaping trains my lungs for these…

Read More

#BREAKING: Boomer on the loose, trying to make small talk with strangers about the hot weather

GOOD CHAT: Sydney-siders are being advised to avoid an elderly woman who is walking around trying to engage strangers in conversation about the heat. “The woman is described as friendly, with greying hair and probably around 65 years old,” says Inspector Lyle Cummings from NSW Police. Witnesses say she’s approaching people and saying, ‘hot enough for you today,’ and then laughing slightly. “Yes, it’s hot, everyone knows that!” one man was heard replying to her. “We don’t need to talk about it every 10 seconds.” Police say the woman may be lonely or bored, and was last seen in the…

Read More

Westfield Bondi Junction now charging $20 entry fee, as shoppers queue for the air conditioning

AIR CON: Shoppers going to Westfield at Bondi Junction to escape today’s scorching heat are in for a surprise. “In a bid to keep the centre from overcrowding, we’ve introduced a $20 entry fee,” says a statement from Westfield Bondi Junction. “At this stage the fee applies for today only, but we’ll see.” It comes as thousands of shoppers head indoors to escape the 40 degree temperature outside, the hottest day in years. The unprecedented entry fee is getting a mixed reaction from shoppers. “It’s a small price to pay to shop in comfort,” says one local shopaholic. Others say…

Read More