Posts Tagged ‘Staying On’
World’s first trillionaire vows to keep saving after being outbid on a mouldy Bondi semi
REALITY CHECK: Elon Musk’s bid to enter the Sydney property market has unravelled after narrowly missing out on a mould-affected two-bedroom semi in Bondi. But the world’s richest man, who this week became the first ever trillionaire, says he refuses to give up hope. “My buyer’s agent said I need to be realistic and look at Maroubra,” Elon Musk told DBT. “He also mentioned St Peters, saying it’s ‘up and coming.’” The 54 year old entrepreneur has spent the last 11 consecutive weekends looking at Sydney property. “It’s all so out of my price range, but I just canceled my…
Read MoreEastern suburbs woman crosses Harbour Bridge for first time in 28 years after learning Alo opened a store in Chatswood
BRIDGE TOO FAR: A Darling Point woman is broadening her horizons today, venturing north for the first time since the late 1990s. Despite being 41 years old, Tash Wentworth-Gould secured her very first etag yesterday, allowing her to cross the Sydney Harbour Bridge. “Last time I crossed the Sydney Harbour Bridge was for a friend’s birthday. I was 13 years old, too young to realise that having friends in the north is not a thing.” But the lure of expensive activewear has dragged Tash Wentworth-Gould north today, arriving at the Alo store in Chatswood 30 minutes ago. “The drive over…
Read MorePrime Minister welcomes ISIS Brides back to Australia last night with luxury Vivid Harbour cruise
ROCKSTAR TREATMENT: The Prime Minister has moved swiftly to ease the transition of the returning ISIS brides back into Australian life, organising an exclusive harbour cruise during this year’s Vivid Sydney festival. Four ISIS brides and six children who landed in Sydney last night immediately went to Rushcutters Bay Marina, where they met with the PM and several ISIS-linked women already in Sydney. “Welcome back to Australia!” the PM told the group, after they boarded a fully catered luxury super yacht. “We’re pleased to begin your reintegration with canapés, mocktails and uninterrupted harbour views.” The super yacht cruised the harbour for…
Read MoreFoxtel announces new reality TV series: ‘The Real ISIS Brides of Sydney,’ hosted by Tony Burke
SECOND CHANCE: Home Affairs minister Tony Burke is set begin his first foray into TV hosting, when Foxtel begins filming its most ambitious unscripted series to date. From the makers of ‘The Real Housewives of Sydney,’ comes ‘The Real ISIS Brides of Sydney, following the daily lives of four ISIS brides who yesterday arrived back in Australia from Syria. “This is a powerful story about second chances, complex legal frameworks and national security,” Burke told DBT. “The cast will be granted daily leave from prison to allow for filming at several Sydney locations, including brunch venues, courtrooms and one tense…
Read More#BREAKING: Tony Burke already waiting at Sydney Airport for the returning ISIS brides so he can hand them how-to-vote cards
GETTING IN EARLY: Australia’s Home Affairs minister has arrived at Sydney Airport a full day early to personally welcome the returning ISIS brides. Tony Burke is excitedly pacing the arrivals hall and checking for flight updates. “I just want to make sure I’m on hand to give them the warmest welcome home,” he told DBT. “This is not about politics.” However Burke was clearly seen holding a stack of freshly printed Labor how-to-vote cards. “Will I have time to explain to them how preferential voting works?” he was heard asking Border Force officials. At time of publication, Burke had upgraded…
Read MoreTALKING TOUGH: Australian PM issues ultimatum to Iran: “Open the Hormuz Strait, or we’ll shut the Bass Strait”
CHOKE POINT: In what officials are describing as Australia’s boldest act of foreign policy in decades, Prime Minister Anthony Albanese issued a stark warning to Tehran overnight. He’s demanding Iran immediately open up the Strait of Hormuz or face the full consequences of Australia shutting down Bass Strait in retaliation. “Two can play this game,” the PM told reporters, standing in front of a map of southern Australia as if unveiling a major military operation. “We will not stand by while international shipping lanes are threatened,” Under the plan, all yachts, Captain Cook cruises and jet skis will be barred…
Read MorePM announces next stage of national fuel security plan: Only downhill driving allowed
GOING DOWNHILL FAST: The Prime Minister has just announced that Australia is entering the third stage of the National Fuel Security Plan, as supplies dwindle further after yesterday’s oil refinery fire in Geelong. “These are not easy decisions, but they are necessary ones,” Anthony Albanese told reporters this morning. From next week Australians will only be permitted to drive downhill, with their cars in neutral. “If your intended destination is located uphill, then frankly that trip will need to be reconsidered,” says the PM. “For too long, we’ve all taken it for granted that they can simply point a car…
Read MorePM announces Australia is helping re-open the strait of Hormuz by sending in the guys from Bondi Rescue
SENDING IN THE BIG GUNS: The Prime Minister has tonight announced Australia’s contribution to the US-led effort to re-open the Strait of Hormuz, confirming the full Bondi Rescue crew has already been deployed to the Persian Gulf. “They arrived there late this afternoon and are already playing a key role in enforcing the new U.S blockade of the Strait,” Anthony Albanese told journalists a short time ago. “Once Iran decides to open it up completely, the Bondi Rescue crew will remain to oversee a smooth transition. Defence Minister Richard Marles confirmed the crew is equipped with jet skis, an inflatable…
Read MoreFederal government releases new limited edition DVD box set: ‘Albo’s Address To The Nation’
COLLECTOR’S EDITION: The federal government has released a three-DVD box set of the Prime Minister’s historic address to the nation, giving Australians the chance to relive every second of the speech that reassured us the fuel shortage is not a crisis, but could potentially become one. Each DVD contains one full minute from the three-minute address, which was broadcast live on TV at 7pm last night. “These DVDs will provide comfort to all Australians during this uncertain time,” says a government press release. It also serves as a treasured keepsake for anyone who felt the original broadcast ended too quickly.”…
Read MoreMosman Council declares state of emergency as Strait of Hormuz closure threatens delivery of white Range Rovers
SHIP HAPPENS: The ongoing fuel crisis has quickly been dwarfed by new concerns about a shipment of white Range Rovers en route to car dealerships in Sydney’s lower North Shore. Mosman Council has declared a local state of emergency, saying some families have no choice but to continue using their current European SUVs for several more weeks, despite many having already mentally moved on. “I can handle rising fuel costs, but this is a massive blow to my identity,” says one Mosman mother of two. “My current white Range Rover is more than 14 months old.” The council says it’s…
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