#BREAKING: Scientists find traces of nutrition in McDonald’s fries after a mop was dried under fries warmer

MOPPING UP: In a groundbreaking discovery that’s left the fast food industry in shock, a team of scientists has found traces of actual nutrition in McDonald’s fries. The unexpected find comes after a restaurant worker was filmed drying a dirty mop under the fries warmer at a McDonald’s outlet near Brisbane. “After extensive research in the lab, we have detected small amounts of vitamin C, potassium, and even traces of iron,” says Dr Sarah Smethurst, lead scientist at UNSW. “We then analysed fries not exposed to the mop to find no trace of any vitamins or minerals.” Health experts are…

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Growing calls for Vivid Sydney to light up the Opera House sails with the portrait of Gina Rinehart

GINA’S GLOW UP: With the annual Vivid Sydney Festival beginning on Friday, there are growing calls for the Opera House sails to be illuminated with the portrait of Gina Rinehart. “We should be recognising the artist who painted it,” says one local art lover. “Even just for one night.” Economists are supporting the idea. “Gina is Australia’s richest person, and it’s also appropriate to acknowledge her contributions to Australia’s mining wealth.” It comes after Rinehart’s controversial request for the portrait to be removed from the National Gallery in Canberra. Critics, however, are quick to point out the absurdity of the…

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Network TEN axes The Masked Singer Australia because nobody knew who the celebrities were, even after the big reveal

IDENTITY CRISIS: Network TEN has today confirmed the abrupt cancellation of “The Masked Singer Australia” amid widespread confusion over the identities of its purported celebrity contestants – even after the grand reveal. The reality singing competition that saw celebrities don elaborate costumes and conceal their identities as they belted out tunes to a panel of judges. But fell short of expectations as viewers were left underwhelmed by the supposed star power hidden beneath the masks. “It was like playing a game of Guess Who? but with all the cards flipped over,” one viewer told DBT. “I watched many of the…

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EXCLUSIVE PHOTO: Bruce Lehrmann spotted near Sydney beach looking for washed up bricks of cocaine

ROCK BOTTOM: Just three days after his failed defamation case closed against Network TEN, Bruce Lehrmann has been photographed pacing furiously along the rocky coastline near Freshwater Beach in Sydney’s north. “He was combing every nook and cranny,” said one witness. “He was still wearing his suit and he was so focused!” It comes after more than 250kg of cocaine washed up along NSW’s coastline over the past several months. “Bruce kept muttering something about hitting the jackpot,” the witness told DBT. It’s understood the former political staffer’s search yielded nothing more than a few bottle caps, a rusty spoon,…

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Premier surprised people are leaving Sydney in droves, despite the closest thing to a half decent night club being a 6am run club

DAWN DISCO: The NSW Premier says he doesn’t understand the mass exodus away from Sydney, despite the city’s extreme cost of living and crippled night-time economy thanks to the lockout laws. Sydney’s night clubs are slowly being replaced by run clubs, as locals are forced to find new ways to socialise. “I used to be out partying till at least 6am,” says one former night club enthusiast. “But these days 6am is when I’m just arriving at run club.” And he’s not alone. Thousands of young Sydney residents are being forced to trade in their dancing shoes for running shoes…

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Kim Kardashian “outraged” and “disgusted” over Princess of Wales photoshop scandal

DIGITAL DECEPTION: In a bizarre turn of events, the world’s most famous reality star says she’s in a state of shock after Catherine, Princess of Wales admitted to digitally altering a family photograph. “The Royal Family are people we are meant to look up to, and yet they are duping all of us,” said Kim Kardashian in an exclusive interview with DBT. Kardashian also provided DBT a photo of herself on the beach to run with this story, but she continues to deny claims that she photoshops her own images. “The key to happiness is being true to yourself and…

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“I’m marrying Rupert for his sexy body and good looks,” reports Murdoch press

LEAD STORY: News Corp media outlets around the world are today reporting that it was Rupert Murdoch’s ‘sexy’ body and good looks which lured his sixth wife-to-be. The Australian newspaper quotes Murdoch’s new fiancee Elena Zhukova, 67, saying: “I never thought I’d marry a 92 year old, but when I saw his rig, I couldn’t resist.” “Rupert is such a good looking and compassionate young man.” Another newspaper within the News Corp stable, The Daily Telegraph, is reporting that Ms Zhukova “has no idea” that Rupert Murdoch is a billionaire. “I’ve no idea about his work history,” she is quoted…

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Rose Bay teenager being treated for PTSD after having to visit the western suburbs to see Taylor Swift

SWIFT DOWNFALL: It was meant to be the concert event of a lifetime, but one Sydney woman says she’s been “to hell and back” after seeing Taylor Swift at Olympic Park. “I’m having vivid flashbacks and nightmares,” says Cindy Kennard-Small, who is currently undergoing therapy for post traumatic stress disorder. “Taylor Swift was amazing. But the whole experience was very degrading, especially being on a train. OMG gross!” “I even saw one man near Accor Stadium wearing an Adidas tracksuit. I mean, WTF?!” The Rose Bay teenager’s only previous journey into the western suburbs was a visit to Glebe markets…

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#BREAKING: Taylor Swift spotted lining up at the back of the queue outside the Golden Sheaf Hotel for ‘Sheaf Wednesdays’

VIP: One day after her sighting at Surry Hills Italian restaurant Pellegrino 2000, Taylor Swift has tonight been spotted out alone in Double Bay. The global pop icon has joined hundreds of revellers at the Golden Sheaf Hotel, for the popular mid-week event known as Sheaf Wednesdays. “I’ve heard so much about this place,” Swift told DBT. “Apparently they do $7 drinks between 9pm and 11pm.” At 7.30pm, the American singer-songwriter is currently 24th in the queue, with an estimated wait time of 35 minutes. “I just want to blend in with the locals tonight and let my hair down,”…

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COST OF LIVING CRISIS: Man who lost his lucrative job as Woolworths CEO, spotted shopping in Aldi

FALL FROM GRACE: In a stunning twist of fate, the outgoing CEO of Australia’s largest supermarket chain has been seen shopping at discount competitor Aldi. Departing Woolworths CEO Brad Banducci was photographed browsing the fruit and veg section at Aldi’s Edgecliff store. “After resigning from Woolworths today, I’m left with no choice but look for cheaper alternatives,” a downbeat looking Banducci told DBT. “The cost of living crisis is impacting all of us, even me.” It comes amid heightened scrutiny of Woolworths and Coles in recent months amid concerns about high inflation and rising grocery prices. “I never realised, but…

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