Posts Tagged ‘Staying On’
NSW government announces North Sydney Pool will be converted into a data centre
DEEP END: The NSW Government has announced the iconic North Sydney Pool will be converted into a data centre after yet another setback in the troubled redevelopment. Under the new plans, the pool area will be filled with server racks, while the grandstand will be repurposed for cooling systems and backup generators. Council says the change will finally put the site to productive use, while taking advantage of booming demand for data infrastructure across Sydney. The move has also been welcomed by local ratepayers, who say they’re just relieved the site may finally contain something that might actually work.
Read More#BREAKING: Jetstar announces $12 armrest access fee, with both armrests available for just $18
PAY PER ARMREST: Jetstar has announced a new armrest pricing structure as part of its commitment to offering passengers greater choice. The move comes after the budget airline revealed passengers will soon need to pay to store luggage in overhead lockers. Under the latest change, passengers can reserve one armrest for $12, or upgrade to the Dual Elbow Bundle for just $18. “Middle-seat passengers will be asked to nominate their preferred armrest during booking,” says the airline. “Although access will remain subject to availability.” Jetstar has denied reports it is considering charging passengers to recline their seats, admitting its seats…
Read MoreAnthony Albanese phones Spain’s PM, offering to bring some of the migrants from Morocco to Australia
STRATEGIC INTAKE: Australia’s Prime Minister contacted his Spanish counterpart Pedro Sánchez a short time ago, offering to bring some of the Moroccan migrants flooding in Ceuta to Australia. “We’re a compassionate country,” Anthony Albanese explained. “Particularly in electorates with a margin below three per cent.” The PM reportedly became particularly enthusiastic after learning many of the migrants were young adults, immediately asking whether any had expressed an interest in living in Tony Burke’s seat in Western Sydney. Labor officials say priority will be given to anyone willing to enrol before they’re eligible to vote in four years. Albanese has rejected…
Read MoreBarnaby Joyce’s dog Stella left completely unfazed by today’s national emergency alert test
BATTLE HARDENED: While millions of Australians were startled by today’s piercing AusAlert test, Barnaby Joyce’s dog Stella reportedly slept through the entire thing. It’s understood the working dog barely lifted her head as phones across Joyce’s Tamworth property began blaring at full volume, overriding silent and Do Not Disturb settings. “She’s heard louder noises than that around here,” Mr Joyce told DBT. “Usually before breakfast.” Stella reportedly returned to sleep after confirming the alert was coming from a mobile phone and not her owner appearing live on the ABC. Emergency authorities say they’re now considering using Barnaby’s voice for the…
Read MoreCOST OF LIVING CRISIS: Jeff Bezos forced to eat at McDonald’s after seeing the prices at Icebergs Bondi
PENNY PINCHING: The world’s fourth-richest man Jeff Bezos has been forced to tighten his belt during his visit to Sydney after seeing the prices at Icebergs in Bondi. The Amazon founder was seen opening the Icebergs menu, before quickly leaving and heading for a feed at McDonald’s on Campbell Parade. “Even the McDonald’s here in Australia is a rip-off,” he told DBT. “A small chocolate thick shake is nearly $8.00. I had to just get a Coke instead.” The cost-of-living crisis has also reportedly forced Bezos to cancel his accommodation at the Park Hyatt and move into a six-bed dorm…
Read MorePOWER PLAY: U.S president unveils plan to build a Trump Tower in the Strait of Hormuz
STRAIGHT TALK: The U.S President has announced his latest plan to assert dominance in the Strait of Hormuz. After declaring that the U.S will be “taking over” the key shipping lane, Donald Trump has just released plans for an 80-storey tower in the middle of it. “Every room will have ocean views,” the president told reporters. “It’s about time somebody developed this strait properly.” According to glossy promotional brochures, the development would include luxury apartments, a casino, three golf simulators and a rooftop helipad for “very important peace negotiations.” Maritime law experts are raising questions about jurisdiction, structural feasibility, and…
Read More#BREAKING: Trump calls FIFA President to demand USA v Belgium be played as a best of three series
ANOTHER CHANCE: The U.S football team’s run at the World Cup may not be over yet, despite their loss to Belgium a short time ago. After the U.S President’s intervention to get a red card ban overturned for today’s game, he’s now again called the FIFA President to demand a rule change. “We need to make this a best of three series,” said Trump. “I’ve never even heard of Belgium before. Is that even really a country?” The FIFA President tried to explain the tournament operates on single-elimination brackets, a format used in essentially every World Cup since 1930. The President…
Read MoreWorld’s first trillionaire vows to keep saving after being outbid on a mouldy Bondi semi
REALITY CHECK: Elon Musk’s bid to enter the Sydney property market has unravelled after narrowly missing out on a mould-affected two-bedroom semi in Bondi. But the world’s richest man, who this week became the first ever trillionaire, says he refuses to give up hope. “My buyer’s agent said I need to be realistic and look at Maroubra,” Elon Musk told DBT. “He also mentioned St Peters, saying it’s ‘up and coming.’” The 54 year old entrepreneur has spent the last 11 consecutive weekends looking at Sydney property. “It’s all so out of my price range, but I just canceled my…
Read MoreEastern suburbs woman crosses Harbour Bridge for first time in 28 years after learning Alo opened a store in Chatswood
BRIDGE TOO FAR: A Darling Point woman is broadening her horizons today, venturing north for the first time since the late 1990s. Despite being 41 years old, Tash Wentworth-Gould secured her very first etag yesterday, allowing her to cross the Sydney Harbour Bridge. “Last time I crossed the Sydney Harbour Bridge was for a friend’s birthday. I was 13 years old, too young to realise that having friends in the north is not a thing.” But the lure of expensive activewear has dragged Tash Wentworth-Gould north today, arriving at the Alo store in Chatswood 30 minutes ago. “The drive over…
Read MorePrime Minister welcomes ISIS Brides back to Australia last night with luxury Vivid Harbour cruise
ROCKSTAR TREATMENT: The Prime Minister has moved swiftly to ease the transition of the returning ISIS brides back into Australian life, organising an exclusive harbour cruise during this year’s Vivid Sydney festival. Four ISIS brides and six children who landed in Sydney last night immediately went to Rushcutters Bay Marina, where they met with the PM and several ISIS-linked women already in Sydney. “Welcome back to Australia!” the PM told the group, after they boarded a fully catered luxury super yacht. “We’re pleased to begin your reintegration with canapés, mocktails and uninterrupted harbour views.” The super yacht cruised the harbour for…
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