Posts Tagged ‘Staying On’
Local man posts AI generated action figure to Instagram in failed attempt to show he has a personality
DIGITAL DELUSION: A Sydney man has jumped head-first into the latest social media craze, posting an AI-generated image of himself as a soulless plastic action figure. “I just think it’s so fun!” Mike Sharpe told DBT. “It shows everyone I’m playful, creative, and moderately tech-literate, which basically makes me a thought leader now.” The image includes depictions of his ultra generic hobbies; listening to music and photography. “And I didn’t forget about my best (and only) friend, my dog Kirby,” said the 33 year old insurance case worker. However, four hours after posting the image, it had only garnered four…
Read More#BREAKING: Trump offers to drop tariffs on Australian goods if his image is projected onto the Opera House every night for the next 12 months
TRADE TALKS: One of the world’s most famous buildings is at risk of being compromised by the image of the U.S President. Donald Trump wants his headshot projected onto the sails of the Sydney Opera House every night for an entire year, in exchange for dropping tariffs on Australian goods. “This is a fantastic deal for everyone,” says Trump. “It’s time to make the Opera House great again.” Critics say the proposal threatens to undermine the cultural significance of the UNESCO World Heritage site. But some economists the projection strengthen ties with the U.S. and enhance Sydney’s night-time economy. “We…
Read MoreGrowing calls to ban Liberal Party leaders from playing sport to protect the public from physical and emotional harm
BENCHED: After yet another embarrassing sporting disaster, safety experts are now urgently calling for a permanent ban on any future Liberal Party leader participating in sport. “First it was John Howard’s tragic bowling display, then Scott Morrison’s notorious tackle on a small child while playing soccer, and today Peter Dutton kicked a football into a cameraman’s head, ” says safety expert Mark Tanner. “Frankly, it’s become too dangerous. Enough is enough.” The latest incident has triggered a groundswell of public support for the proposed ban, with many voters already traumatised by previous Liberal Party sporting fiascos. “They should stick to…
Read More#BREAKING: Trump reverses controversial tariff on Australian imports, after Albo rang him to say he grew up in public housing
TARIFF TURNAROUND: In an unprecedented diplomatic twist, U.S President Donald Trump has abruptly reversed his decision to impose a 10% tariff on Australian imports. It comes after a heartfelt phone call from Anthony Albanese, reminding him that he was raised in public housing by a single mother. “I had no idea Anthony grew up like that,” Trump explained in a hastily convened press conference. “Public housing? Single mother? Very, very sad. Nobody ever mentioned this before.” Sources confirm Albanese strategically opened the call by referencing his humble beginnings, something he has managed to weave into almost every speech, press conference,…
Read More#BREAKING: PM trying to win election in a few months by using internet slang from 5 years ago
RIZZ: The gloves are off in the battle for the federal election, with the PM trotting out some Gen Z slang in parliament to criticise the opposition. Anthony Albanese said: “..they are delulu with solulu,” referring to the Coalition and its nuclear plan. A basic translation of the phrase is “delusional with no solution.” “You see, I have got the rizz!” the PM told journalists. “I’m definitely cool and relatable.” But the PM’s use of internet slang from five years ago has not passed the vibe check. “I’m shook,” says one young voter. “Please Albo, stick to regular English. Boomers…
Read MoreKmart now only stocking Australian made products, in protest of US trade tariffs
HOME GROWN: It might look like the result of yet another round of panic buying, but this is a bold act of patriotic defiance. Kmart has today removed all overseas made products from its shelves. The retailer says it’s now only stocking Australian made products, after Donald Trump imposed a 25 per cent tariff on all steel and aluminium imported into the United States. “We’re committed to supporting Aussie manufacturing,” declared a Kmart spokesperson. It comes after the Prime Minister Anthony Albanese urged Aussies to only buy locally made goods. However Kmart’s move has ended up making an unintended statement…
Read MoreGrowing concerns for Gold Coast woman refusing to evacuate until she finishes watching last night’s episode of MAFS
STAYING PUT: Emergency service workers are applying heavy pressure on a Gold Coast woman to evacuate her home, as Cyclone Alfred fast approaches the east coast. But Margaret Plymouth says she’s only prepared to leave after she finishes watching last night’s episode of MAFS. “It’s the dinner party episode!” she told DBT. “There’s no way in the world I’m missing that drama.” Authorities are urging immediate evacuation for those like Ms Plymouth who live in low lying areas. But she remains glued to her couch, with a glass of red and a packet of Tim Tams. “Yes I know the…
Read MoreDonald Trump releases new AI generated video of him being a mentally stable and half decent bloke
FAKE NEWS: The US President continues to harness AI technology, today releasing a video depicting him as a calm, collected, and a half decent human being. The video shows Donald Trump nodding politely at constructive criticism, showing empathy and even offering a measured apology for past controversies. “I now understand that sometimes, being a leader means actually listening instead of constantly shouting,” Trump proclaims in the AI video. It comes hot on the heels of Trump releasing a different AI-generated video of his bizarre vision for the embattled Gaza Strip. Critics say The President’s use of AI video re-enforces his…
Read More#BREAKING: Triple M announce new breakfast radio hosts for 2025: Marty Sheargold and Andrew Tate
SHOCK JOCKS: Triple M says its set to become dominant in breakfast radio after announcing a bizarre new on-air pairing. From next week Marty Sheargold and the notoriously controversial Andrew Tate will host a new breakfast show called ‘One For The Boys.’ “We are ready to energise the AM airwaves with an alpha infusion of unapologetic banter and no-holds-barred opinions.,” says a Triple M spokesperson. “Nothing jumpstarts your mornings like a dose of raw, unfiltered masculinity, even if that means ruffling some feathers along the way.” Marty Sheargold is already under fire after an enormous backlash to his misogynistic comments…
Read More“I’d never date a man who lives with his mum,” says local woman who happily dates several men who live with their wives
HOME WRECKER: A Sydney woman has shed light on her peculiar stance on dating, declaring she would “never, ever” date a man who still lives with his mother. However DBT can reveal Gina Modran is currently maintaining romantic connections with several men who live with their wives. “It’s just a maturity thing,” she explained. “If a guy hasn’t moved out of home, it shows he’s not independent, you know?” Despite her hardline stance, the 34 year old has no issue with dating men whose primary residences are shared with legally bound partners and children. “A married guy already knows how…
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