Posts Tagged ‘Staying On’
“I support the social media ban for children, as my son is heavily addicted to TikTok,” says dad with raging $2k per week coke habit
WHAT’S YOUR POISON? A Bondi man who visits the bathroom several times per day without using the toilet is losing patience with his son’s social media usage. Peter Durak says his 12 year old son Adam is spending way too much time on his devices. “I wonder what it’s doing to his young brain,” says Peter. “It’s definitely affecting his sleep patterns. He’s got no sense of restraint.” The young father who spends upwards of $2000 a week on illicit drugs says he supports the PM’s proposal to ban children under the age of 14 from using social media. “I…
Read MoreInstagram and Facebook announce new feature allowing users to mute any content relating to Raygun
GIVE US A BREAK: She’s the viral sensation who sparked an endless flurry of memes after her Olympic breakdancing appearance in which she failed to score a point. And so far she’s barely even said a word about it. But tonight Rachael “Raygun” Gunn is set to appear on her first interview with Channel 10’s The Project, triggering new fears of yet another wave of memes. “That’s why we are giving users an option to mute any Raygun related content,” says a spokesperson for Meta, the company which owns Instagram and Facebook. “Our AI software can easily identify any photos, videos…
Read More“The ‘right to disconnect’ laws are a joke!” says man who retired back when an employers’ only way of contacting staff was by ringing their home landline
DIGITAL DIVIDE: A Sydney man who’s been retired for three decades is criticising Australia’s new ‘right to disconnect’ laws, saying they are “utterly unnecessary.” “The younger generation is so soft,” Frank Ballinger told DBT. “If their boss calls them once after hours they’re treated like criminals.” The 71 year old last clocked in for a day’s work in 1992, when nobody worked past 5pm, fax machines were considered cutting-edge. “If you don’t want to hear from your boss, just turn your phone off and go do something useful like sweep your driveway,” he says. Meanwhile Frank Ballinger’s younger family members…
Read MoreWORLD FIRST: Jetstar passenger arrives at destination on time, after using the emergency exit
WINGING IT: In what’s being hailed as a “world first,” a Jetstar passenger has managed to arrive without any delays by taking the emergency exit upon landing. “The flight was actually running about 30 minutes late,” said the passenger upon landing in Melbourne today. “But I saved 30 minutes by bypassing all the usual disembarking processes.” Amazed onlookers watched as he opened the exit door, stepped onto the plane’s wing and then slid down the emergency slide onto the tarmac. Aviation analysts say it’s the first time a Jetstar passenger has arrived at the final destination without any delay. DBT…
Read MoreEastern suburbs residents remain blissfully unaware of Sydney’s expanded metro system, as none use public transport
ZERO CARE FACTOR: Thousands poured into the city at 4.30am today to witness the opening of the extended Sydney Metro. But residents in Sydney’s east remain apathetic about the $21 billion project, even though it’s only a few kilometres from their homes. “Public transport? Oh, you mean for tourists?” chuckled one Rose Bay resident while polishing his luxury SUV. “The closest I get to commuting with strangers is Uber Pool,” another local told DBT. The new underground metro, boasting rapid transit times and state-of-the-art facilities, aims to ease the city’s notorious traffic woes. But there’s little fanfare in Sydney’s east.…
Read More#BREAKING: Olympic breakdancing hero Raygun gets surprise call up to Australia’s one day cricket team
DRESSED FOR SUCCESS: Rachel Gunn a.k.a Raygun became an overnight sensation at the Olympics for her brave breakdancing performance. Now, the 36 year old university lecturer has been announced as a shock inclusion into the Australian women’s one day cricket team. “I’m an all-rounder,” Raygun told DBT. “I bowl leg spin, but I’m also pretty handy with the bat.” Team selectors say they’ll be putting Raygun through her paces at upcoming training sessions. But they have already committed to her playing in Australia’s first one day match in November against Sri Lanka at the MCG. “It helps that she already…
Read More#BREAKING: Australian Olympic hockey player in Paris apologises to his teammates for failing to score them cocaine
POINTS FOR TRYING: He only scored one goal on the field while playing hockey for Australia at the Olympics. But now Tom Craig has apologised to his teammates for failing to score something much more important. “Sorry guys, I’ve let every single one of you down,” said the 28 year old. “I had one job: to go out and get some rack, and I failed dismally.” The heartfelt apology comes hours after the Olympian escaped conviction for attempting to buy the drugs from a dealer on the streets of Paris. “I should have been much more discreet and aware cops…
Read MorePM announces Australia’s terror threat raised to ‘probable,’ as average wait times at Yo Chi Surry Hills pass 30 minutes
CHILLING THREAT: Australia’s terror threat has been raised from “possible to probable” today, amid growing frustrations over wait times at a popular Sydney frozen yoghurt shop. “The threat is volatile and unpredictable,” warned Anthony Albanese. “This isn’t just about frozen yogurt. It’s about the very fabric of our society.” The drastic action to raise the terror threat comes in response to the spiralling crisis at Yo Chi in Surry Hills, where the average wait time for a serving of frozen yogurt now exceeds a harrowing 30 minutes. Local authorities are struggling to manage the snaking queues, which are seeing otherwise…
Read MoreNOT SATIRE: News.com.au’s headline: ‘Abbie’s Politics Goals Revealed’ is for a story about her having no political ambition
MEDIA WATCH: News.com.au has run a headline portraying the exact opposite of the full story. For the first time in DBT history, we are diving into some real news about news.com.au and Abbie Chatfield. The now deleted headline was: ‘Abbie’s Politics Goals Revealed,’ but the story was about her confirming she’s not considering entering politics. News.com.au is well-known for writing the most pathetic and twisted headlines, aimed entirely at luring readers to click on the story. Meantime, the Australian Prime Minister is calling for a Royal Commission into why NewsCorp keeps writing about Abbie Chatfield. (OK that last line was…
Read More#BREAKING: New investigation reveals ‘Made In Bondi’ was actually filmed entirely at Brighton Le Sands
‘MADE IN BRIGHTON LE SANDS:’ In a revelation that’s sent shockwaves through Sydney’s east, a new investigation shows the Seven Network’s upcoming Made In Bondi reality show wasn’t even filmed in Bondi. A TV industry insider has told DBT the show was filmed entirely in the less glamorous suburb of Brighton Le Sands, in Sydney’s south. “The cast and crew set up shop in Brighton Le Sands, an area known for its quieter shores and proximity to Sydney airport,” says the insider. The move allowed The Seven Network to save millions of dollars, however reality TV fans have been left bitterly…
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