Posts Tagged ‘Staying On’
“I think you might need a size up” set to be banned under Australia’s new hate speech laws
FASHION FAUX PAS: Retail workers across Australia will soon be prohibited from suggesting customers try a larger size, under sweeping new hate speech legislation. “Body-shaming language can be traumatic and divisive and that’s why we are intent on stamping it out,” the Prime Minister told reporters today. Major retailers are scrambling to implement new training protocols, with Myer introducing an “alternative sizing conversation framework” for staff. “Approved phrases include ‘let’s explore different fit options,’ or “let’s consider our range of styles.” Anthony Albanese is defending the laws, calling them “common sense protections for everyday Australians.” The legislation is expected to…
Read MoreCost pressures finally hit the eastern suburbs: Man spends entire opening weekend of Club Rose Bay playing pickleball, without buying any food or drinks
PEANUT: A Randwick man is being accused of monopolising the pickleball court for the opening weekend at Sydney’s newest place to be seen, Club Rose Bay. According to witnesses, 34-year-old Daniel Frame-Tanner played pickleball for 16.5 hours over two days, fuelled by nothing except tap water and free peanuts from the RSL section. “He didn’t spend one cent the whole time,” says one witness. And I saw him take some food off someone’s plate which was left unattended.” Security footage shows Frame-Tanner arriving both Saturday and yesterday at opening time, claiming the court immediately, and refusing to yield even when…
Read MoreABC journalist Laura Tingle claims the mess left behind at Coogee Beach yesterday ‘had nothing to do with backpackers’
BLAME GAME: As a big clean up continues at Coogee Beach today, veteran ABC journalist Laura Tingle has made the controversial assertion that the mess left behind ‘had nothing to do with backpackers.’ It comes only days after Tingle claimed the terror attack at Bondi ‘had nothing to do with religion.’ Speaking on ABC Radio today, Tingle acknowledged the thousands of rowdy and alcohol fuelled backpackers descending on Coogee Beach yesterday to celebrate Christmas. But also said: “The mess would have happened regardless.” Meantime police and council workers have reportedly been instructed to refrain from using the word “backpackers” in…
Read MoreCranbrook School hires entire SCG members area for former & current students to watch alumnus Sam Konstas bat
ESSE QUAM VIDERI: In a display of private school exuberance, Cranbrook has secured exclusive access to the SCG members area for the 2nd day of the 5th test against India. “We’re encouraging current and former students to come along and witness the batting prowess of our alumnus Sam Konstas,” says the school principal. It’s the first time the SCG members pavilion has been rented out privately. “Let’s just say it wasn’t cheap,” says the principal. “But we’re investing in our sense of community and tradition.” Regular SCG members won’t be allowed into the members area for the day, unless they…
Read MoreMISSING IN ACTION: Westpac Rescue Helicopter deployed in desperate search for Penny Wong
WHERE’S PENNY? An urgent search is underway for Federal Foreign Minister Penny Wong who has been missing since 15 Australians lost their lives in the Bondi attack which as been linked to a foreign terror organisation. Ms Wong is being accused by the federal opposition of inaction and absence after not attending any vigils or funerals of the victims. This morning a spokesperson for the Westpac Rescue Helicopter confirmed it has been deployed. “We’ve recovered hikers lost in the Blue Mountains for a week, we’ve rescued sailors drifting halfway to New Zealand, but this is our toughest mission yet.” The…
Read More#BREAKING: Leaked images show Anika Wells attempting to steal toilet paper from the Parliament House bathrooms
ON THE TAKE: The halls of power were thrown into chaos tonight, with newly leaked photos showing Anika Wells attempting to discreetly smuggle several rolls of toilet paper out of the Parliament House bathrooms. “I just needed some for the kids,” she said in a hastily arranged press conference. “Have you seen the price of Quilton lately!?” It’s a fresh embarrassment for the Sports Minister, but she insists stealing a few rolls of toilet paper is “absolutely within parliamentary guidelines.” And the Prime Minister is refusing to condemn the act. “Anika has my full confidence and she’s promised to return…
Read MoreAnika Wells moves her family into her office at Parliament House for the summer to save money on their air con at home
AIR CON: Embattled Labor MP Anika Wells has transformed her office at Parliament House into a comfortable living space for her family of five. “We are beating rising energy costs this summer,” she told DBT. “It’s so expensive to cool a house in Canberra, so we are spending the next few months here in my air conditioned office instead.” Already under fire for her creative interpretation of parliamentary travel entitlements, the Sports Minister says the decision is “completely above board.” “My husband loves it here,” she says. “He says the showers in the parliamentary bathroom facilities are so much better…
Read More#BREAKING: Instagram announce new feature allowing users to mute any content featuring Keli Holiday
EVERYWHERE MAN: He’s the musical artist who has recently been strategically inserted into almost every single podcast, event and Instagram story in Australia. There’s also been a flurry of memes depicting him as Michael Hutchence from Temu. “That’s why we are giving users an option to mute any Keli Holiday related content,” says a spokesperson for Meta, the owner of Instagram. “Our AI software can easily identify any photos, videos or text about Holiday, so you don’t have to see any of it if you don’t want to.” Social media users are welcoming the option, which became available today. “They…
Read MoreCity of Sydney unveils plan for revitalised Moore Park driving range, with two large residential towers as obstacles
TARGET PRACTICE: The City of Sydney has today revealed its plans for the driving range at Moore Park Golf Course, a redesign that includes two luxury residential towers placed directly in the centre of the fairway. “We believe this innovative design will add an exciting new dimension to the sport,” says Lord Mayor Clover Moore. “It’ll definitely be a challenge.” Golfers on the range will be encouraged to try hit between the middle of the two buildings, or around them. And they’ll have to sign a form making them liable for any damage caused. “We’re getting the thin edge of…
Read MoreSydney man rocks up to friend’s BBQ in bucket hat and Adidas tracksuit, but he didn’t even go to the Oasis concert
DRESSED TO THE NINES: A Sydney man is braving the summer heat, attending a friends BBQ fully kitted out in an off brand Adidas tracksuit and bucket hat. However DBT can reveal that Mark Tamali didn’t even go to the Oasis reunion gig at Accor Stadium. “Isn’t this look really in style now?” the Balmain man asked his friends who looked visibly disappointed. Sources confirm the 34 year old purchased the controversial ensemble on Temu for just $24 dollars, approximately one-sixth of the price of a single Oasis ticket. “He’s clearly just trying to jump on the Oasis bandwagon,” said…
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