Posts Tagged ‘Staying On’
Anika Wells moves her family into her office at Parliament House for the summer to save money on their air con at home
AIR CON: Embattled Labor MP Anika Wells has transformed her office at Parliament House into a comfortable living space for her family of five. “We are beating rising energy costs this summer,” she told DBT. “It’s so expensive to cool a house in Canberra, so we are spending the next few months here in my air conditioned office instead.” Already under fire for her creative interpretation of parliamentary travel entitlements, the Sports Minister says the decision is “completely above board.” “My husband loves it here,” she says. “He says the showers in the parliamentary bathroom facilities are so much better…
Read More#BREAKING: Instagram announce new feature allowing users to mute any content featuring Keli Holiday
EVERYWHERE MAN: He’s the musical artist who has recently been strategically inserted into almost every single podcast, event and Instagram story in Australia. There’s also been a flurry of memes depicting him as Michael Hutchence from Temu. “That’s why we are giving users an option to mute any Keli Holiday related content,” says a spokesperson for Meta, the owner of Instagram. “Our AI software can easily identify any photos, videos or text about Holiday, so you don’t have to see any of it if you don’t want to.” Social media users are welcoming the option, which became available today. “They…
Read MoreCity of Sydney unveils plan for revitalised Moore Park driving range, with two large residential towers as obstacles
TARGET PRACTICE: The City of Sydney has today revealed its plans for the driving range at Moore Park Golf Course, a redesign that includes two luxury residential towers placed directly in the centre of the fairway. “We believe this innovative design will add an exciting new dimension to the sport,” says Lord Mayor Clover Moore. “It’ll definitely be a challenge.” Golfers on the range will be encouraged to try hit between the middle of the two buildings, or around them. And they’ll have to sign a form making them liable for any damage caused. “We’re getting the thin edge of…
Read MoreSydney man rocks up to friend’s BBQ in bucket hat and Adidas tracksuit, but he didn’t even go to the Oasis concert
DRESSED TO THE NINES: A Sydney man is braving the summer heat, attending a friends BBQ fully kitted out in an off brand Adidas tracksuit and bucket hat. However DBT can reveal that Mark Tamali didn’t even go to the Oasis reunion gig at Accor Stadium. “Isn’t this look really in style now?” the Balmain man asked his friends who looked visibly disappointed. Sources confirm the 34 year old purchased the controversial ensemble on Temu for just $24 dollars, approximately one-sixth of the price of a single Oasis ticket. “He’s clearly just trying to jump on the Oasis bandwagon,” said…
Read More“Bucket hats and Adidas tracksuits are so fashionable right now,” says aging Pom from Coogee preparing for Oasis concert
90’s CHIC: A Coogee man has been out shopping today, humming Don’t Look Back in Anger to himself, as he put the finishing touches on his outfit for the Oasis concert in Sydney on Friday night. “I just bought this bucket hat from my local chemist,” Darren Whitfield-Hayes told DBT. “But I’ve had this tracksuit since 1998. I wore it when Liam spat on a security guard at the Leeds Festival.” The 52 year old fled Manchester for Australia when he was 27. “He reckons his Oasis concert look is timeless,” says one of his friends. “Which is the same…
Read MoreGRIN AND BARE IT: Two diametrically opposed men pose for a selfie, proving just how disingenuous social media can be
SPOT THE DIFFERENCE: The Australian Prime Minister today bumped into his US counterpart at the United Nations General Assembly in New York. Witnesses say the entire encounter lasted for “5 seconds max,” just long enough for a selfie. Anthony Albanese posted the photo to his Instagram this afternoon to show he’s not in the diplomatic deep freeze with Trump. “The US President and I actually have so much in common,” Albo captioned his post. “We’re actually pretty good mates now.” DBT contacted The White House to verify the new friendship. “Who is Anthony Albanese? I’ve never heard of him!?” said…
Read More#BREAKING: Anthony Albanese gets job at McDonalds in New York, to finally secure a one-on-one meeting with Trump
FAST FOOD DIPLOMACY: The Australian Prime Minister has finally managed to secure a coveted one-on-one with the US President, thanks to a bold career pivot to a McDonald’s counter in New York. “We all know how much Donald Trump loves his Maccas, so I thought taking a job there would be my best chance of meeting him,” Anthony Albanese declared. And the greasy gambit paid off a short time ago, with Donald Trump strolling into the outlet for an Egg McMuffin, leading to a brief encounter between the two leaders. “I can’t say at this stage exactly what was discussed,…
Read MoreTransport NSW announce new ferry service from Moore Park to Bondi Junction
FLOOD RELIEF: Sydney Ferries has today announced a new service connecting Moore Park and Bondi Junction, as flooded roads force drivers to re-think their commute. Transport NSW says there will be six ferries per day starting near the Moore Park tennis courts, and running through to Westfield Bondi. “With many road services closed or delayed due to flooding, we’re stepping up our ferry services,” says the Transport Minister. “The new Moore Park to Bondi Junction service will take about 15 minutes, depending on weather conditions and currents.”
Read MoreChiswick Woollahra announces new ‘$10 All You Can Eat Buffet’ to welcome new residents and train passengers
BUFFET BACKLASH: One of Sydney’s finest restaurants has today responded to the state government’s controversial plan to open a new train station in Woollahra, and to rezone nearby land for up to 10,000 new homes. Chiswick Woollahra has announced a new $10 all you can eat buffet option, a move designed to cater for an influx of new residents and visitors to the leafy suburb in Sydney’s east. “We’re thrilled to open our doors to the new faces arriving to the area,” says Chiswick restaurant management. But local residents and Chiswick regulars are not impressed. “This is a cultural catastrophe,”…
Read MoreSydney man torn between queuing to inspect rental properties, or queuing to buy cinnamon scrolls from Sundays Bondi
LIVE A LITTLE: A Bondi man who lives in his mother’s basement was faced with an agonising decision this morning. He could either continue to spend soul draining hours queuing up to inspect rental properties, or he could throw in the towel and spend more hours queuing for freshly baked cinnamon scrolls. “It was a tough decision,” Victor Stamford-Small told DBT. “I really do need to find a place to live, but on this occasion I decided to listen to my heart.” At 10.30am, the 28 year old abandoned a Surry Hills open for inspection and drove to the popular…
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