Posts Tagged ‘Already Run’
Psychologists call for the term ‘mid-life crisis’ to include anyone over 35 y.o. who signs up for a marathon or half-marathon
NO TURNING BACK: A coalition of leading psychologists is advocating for a change in the meaning of the term “mid-life crisis.” They want it to include any marathon or half-marathon runners over the age of 35, particularly those who also take regular ice baths. It comes amid a disturbing new trend: 30-somethings purchasing running shoes, lycra shorts, and energy gels, and posting about their training progress all over social media. “It’s basically a cry for help,” says leading psychologist Ray Myerson. “When a 35-year-old who hasn’t run since high school suddenly decides to tackle a marathon, it’s less about health…
Read More“It feels scary out here in the western suburbs,” says Rose Bay man visiting Broadway Shopping Centre
WILD WEST: In a tale of urban adventure and unexpected bravery, a Rose Bay man has recounted his experience on the other side of the city at Broadway Shopping Centre. Ned Coutts refers to the area as the ‘Western Suburbs,’ even though it’s on the edge of the CBD, and a 10 minute drive from his home in Rose Bay. “It’s a real culture shock coming out here,” he says. “There are people from all walks of life. It was overwhelming.” The 31 year old financial consultant was forced to visit Broadway Shopping Centre at lunch time today to meet…
Read MoreLocal CEO boomer demanding his staff return to the office full-time, in case he ever needs help logging into wifi
TECH SUPPORT: Sydney CEO Gareth Marks-Riley has sent out a company wide email this morning, announcing all staff must return to the office full-time, citing the need for “collaboration, team morale and productivity.” However insiders tell DBT it’s actually because he’s a technophobe who constantly needs help with even the most basic tasks like logging into Wi-Fi, converting a file to a PDF, and even sending a reply all email. “It’s actually really upsetting,” one anonymous staff member told DBT. “Just because he’s useless with technology, it means I have to commute everyday from Bankstown into the city and back.”…
Read MoreBondi woman open to making new friends, but only if they’re willing to do exactly what she wants, when she wants
HER WAY OR THE HIGHWAY: A self-described “free spirit” has outlined the simple terms and conditions she imposes on any of her new friends: 100% flexibility and zero input into plans. “Life is short,” says Rachel Winter-Ross. “And friendship for me is about finding those special people who are willing to do the exact things I want to do.” Former friends of the 31 year old HR executive told DBT she’s got zero flexibility when it comes to making social plans. “If you try suggesting anything yourself, she just gets really quiet,” says one of them. “And obviously she’s never…
Read MoreThe Apollo restaurant in Potts Point now turning away anyone with less than 5k Instagram followers
RIGHT CROWD: Popular Greek taverna The Apollo has announced a strict new policy: no entry for patrons with less than 5,000 Instagram followers. Apollo management says the rule aims to ensure the restaurant keeps attracting the “right crowd.” “We need to keep the riff raff out, especially during the busy summer months,” says manager Joel Kentworthy. Door staff are checking the instagram follower counts of those walking in off the street. And patrons must now have at least 5k followers to make a booking. “In addition, we reserve the right to turn away anyone who we suspect may have purchased some…
Read More“I never drink coffee after midday,” says Bondi wellness expert after her 9th line at 8.30am
WIRED AWAKE: A Sydney woman partying well into this morning has told his friends she refuses to drink coffee after midday. “Caffeine is toxic,” says Diana Linton. “I’ve learnt the hard way (laughs).” Ms Linton says she struggles to get to sleep at night if she’s consumed coffee up to 10 hours before bedtime. “It’s hard because I quite like coffee,” she told friends while dancing at a Bondi house party at 8.30am today. “I just have to be disciplined about it.” The 29 year old regularly makes videos for her social media outlets about the effects of caffeine on…
Read More“The economy will be completely cashless in 5 years,” claims man who withdraws $350 from the ATM every Friday & Saturday night
WITHDRAWALS: A local crypto enthusiast is echoing predictions that Australia’s economy will be cashless by 2027. “Around 92% of all money worldwide is just digital. It’s all just code bro,” Richard Thorpe told DBT. “Who even uses cash these days? Probably only a few boomers and cleaners (haha)” However his cashless prediction comes amid revelations that he gives at least $700 cash every week to drug dealers who rely on anonymous payment methods. “Oh yeah, well apart from that,” admitted the 35 year old father of two. “And obviously we still need notes for snorting purposes.” “Oh and also my…
Read MoreLocal man dies of starvation after waiting for half decent option to emerge on the Sushi Train
FEELING PECKISH: In a bizarre and tragic incident, a Sydney man has died this afternoon after blacking out at a local Sushi Train. CCTV footage showed the man in the eatery for 45 minutes without eating anything. His wife, who was sitting alongside him at the time, watched on as his head suddenly slumped down onto the table. “He’s a fussy eater to be fair,” she told DBT. “But he refused to budge unless a grilled salmon nigiri emerged on the Sushi Train.” Doctors at St Vincent’s hospital pronounced the man dead only 19 minutes after he arrived by ambulance at…
Read MoreEastern suburbs man applies to go on Farmer Wants A Wife after buying a pair of R.M. Williams
CONCRETE COWBOY: A Point Piper man looking for love is hoping that buying a pair of R.M. Williams will qualify him for Channel Seven’s reality TV show Farmer Wants A Wife. “Working in corporate finance, I rarely get to leave the city to be honest,” Sam Biggs admitted to DBT. “But ever since I bought my R.M. Williams last week, I’ve begun feeling a genuine connection with rural Australia.” The 32 year old, who’s lived in Point Piper his whole life yesterday submitted his application for the next season of the show, in which farmers embark on a quest to…
Read MoreScots College asks student who grew up in Randwick to give speech at assembly about overcoming adversity
RAGS TO RICHES: A student at a prestigious private school in Sydney’s eastern suburbs has shared his remarkable story of transformation, against all odds. Year 11 Scots College student, Dane Oliver-Gordon gave a speech at school assembly yesterday about his traumatic childhood in Randwick. “Life was very different for me back then,” he said. “For starters I used to go to Waverley College, and my parents were forced to cook dinner every night as we didn’t even have a private chef!” The 17 year old didn’t hold back when sharing his confronting story, detailing how his childhood home had no…
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