“I don’t drink coffee after midday,” says Bondi wellness expert after his 14th line at 8.30am

WIRED AWAKE: A Sydney man partying well into this morning has told his friends he refuses to drink coffee after midday. “Caffeine is toxic,” says Dean Linton. “I’ve learnt the hard way (laughs).” Linton says he struggles to get to sleep at night if he’s consumed coffee up to 10 hours before bedtime. “It’s hard because I quite like coffee,” he told friends while dancing on a Bondi rooftop at 7.30am today. “I just have to be disciplined about it.” The 29 year old regularly writes about the effects of caffeine on sleeping in his wellness blog. But his advice…

Read More

New report shows average Sydney commute times are now slower than horse-drawn carriages from 1904

BACK TO THE FUTURE: There are growing calls to bring back horse-drawn carriages after a new report shows they are actually faster than cars in Sydney traffic. “Over 116 years you’d think we’d find ways to be more efficient, not less,”says report author Paul Cleary. Transport NSW interviewed 5,000 Sydney residents to find the average time taken to commute to work by car is currently 56 minutes. “That compares to 54 minutes in 1904, when commuters were using horse drawn carriages to get to work,” says Paul Cleary. The modern commuting gridlock is being fuelled by population growth, roadworks, and…

Read More

Local couple hold wedding 800Km’s away, just to test how loyal their friends are

DESTINATION WEDDING: A large group of Sydney and Melbourne residents have reluctantly travelled north to Byron Bay for their friend’s wedding. “To be brutally honest, none of us wanted to come,” one guest told DBT. “And believe it or not, the bride is acting like she’s doing us a favour.” Local bridezilla Amber Wrigley and her new husband held their wedding this afternoon at her holiday house in the Byron bay hinterland, 800 kilometres from Sydney. Guests say they are angry about the cost of flights, car hire and accomodation, at a time when many household budgets are under pressure.…

Read More

#BREAKING: Man at local run club accused of being there for the wrong reasons

BAD INTENTIONS: A popular Sydney run club has been rocked by allegations that one its members, Vinnie Silvani, is not there to find love. “Vinnie is always just running and then leaving,” said one member, “It’s like he’s not even trying to meet anyone.” There are growing fears Mr Silvani may already be in a committed relationship. “He never participates in the social aspects of the club, like post-run brunches or group selfies,” says another member. Speculation is mounting about his true motives. “I actually think he’s there to improve his fitness,” said one of the club’s founders. “I tried…

Read More

Eastern suburbs man goes for drive in heavy rain to help try justify Range Rover purchase

WET WEATHER BANDIT: A sudden storm and continued rain in Sydney’s east this afternoon is proving no obstacle for Peter Simons. The Double Bay man has embarked on a daring mission, driving his $200,000 Range Rover through waters rising up to 3cm in one area next to an overflowing drain. “I specifically purchased my luxury 4WD for days like this,” he says. “It’s interesting to see how it performs in such treacherous conditions. Scary though!” Mr Simons normally uses the car to shuttle his two children to and from school in Bellevue Hill. “And, sometimes I’m forced to go off-road…

Read More

Man completes transition into his 40’s by spending hours while away on vacation perusing property listings

LUXE LISTINGS: There are growing concerns for a 42 year old Sydney man who has seemingly lost the ability to relax and have fun while on holidays. Like his parents used to do when he was a child, Greg Arnaud has spent large amounts of his Noosa vacation looking at property listings in real estate office windows, despite having zero intention of buying anything. “I used to wonder why mum and dad would spend hours comparing Noosa and Sydney real estate prices, but now I totally get it,” Greg Arnaud told DBT. As news of his real estate obsession spread,…

Read More

Man ‘so humbled’ to win award at work, he wrote a 200 word LinkedIn post about it

HUMBLE BRAG: A LinkedIn user has posted a photo of himself winning an award at a work event, alongside 200 words about how good he is. Paul Barouche won the ‘Best Client Experience’ award at the Australian Mortgage Brokers Industry Association event tonight. “I’m so humbled to win this award,” he wrote. “I’m privileged to manage a team of brilliant and dedicated colleagues.” It’s understood the post was only liked and commented on by people who thought Barouche might one day help them find a job. “Congratulations, well deserved,” commented one man who has never met Barouche, but is reportedly…

Read More

Driver at Westfield Bondi Junction uses up two hours of free parking, looking for parking

TIME’S UP: A Sydney motorist says he’s been left traumatised after spending two hours in Westfield Bondi Junction car park looking for parking. “I drove from parking level P4, right down to P1 without luck, so then I went over to the upper car park and combed R1 up to R4, and again, nothing.” The Bellevue Hill man says he lost track of time as he navigated his way around the complicated car park. “I think it was after an hour or so I broke out in a small sweat, which made my Boost Juice cravings even stronger,” he says.…

Read More

Bondi Beach outdoor gym now rejecting anyone with more than 5% body fat

LEAN & MEAN: Bondi Beach outdoor gym is no longer freely accessible to all members of the public, under new rules announced today by the local council. Before gaining entry, gym goers will be subject to a skinfold caliper test to ensure they have less than 5% body fat. “The gym remains free to use, but only to those who pass the test,” says Bondi Beach stalwart Dimitri Moskovich, who is conducting the tests. “The gym has become too busy during the summer months and we’re trying to keep the riff raff out.” Critics of the new ‘door policy’ say…

Read More

Man parking at Indigo Cafe excited to get pole position so everyone knows what car he drives

SHOW PONY: A Penrith man visiting the eastern suburbs for coffee this morning has had a stroke of luck while parking his car in Double Bay. Sam Sherman was fortunate enough to jag pole position for his expensive sports car outside the popular Indigo Cafe. “It was meant to be,” he says. “As I reversed parked, I loudly revved my engine unnecessarily a few times just to make sure everyone was looking at me. It was huge.” Almost every patron at the busy cafe was still looking at Sam Sherman as he got out of his car and walked over…

Read More