Posts Tagged ‘Already Run’
Bondi man secures second date with yoga instructor after surviving two-hour chat at Common Supply about mindfulness
HARD YARDS: A Bondi man says he’s looking forward to his second date with a local yoga instructor after enduring a gruelling two-hour conversation about mindfulness at Common Supply café on Campbell Parade. “I didn’t even know it was possible to discuss breath work for that long,” said 33-year-old Tom Henderson, still visibly shaken but proud. “I just kept nodding and saying ‘yeah totally’ every few minutes. It seemed to work.” The yoga instructor, Skye Skase, told DBT she was impressed by Tom’s ability to “stay grounded and present.” “I’m holding space for that kind of authentic masculine energy. I…
Read MoreWoolworths now offering free counselling to grocery shoppers traumatised by seeing themselves on the self-checkout camera
RELIEF AT THE CHECKOUT: In response to growing demand, Woolworths is now offering emotional support to shoppers upset after catching a glimpse of themselves on the self-checkout camera. “I simply couldn’t look back at the screen, I looked exhausted and aged!” said one shopper while in a counselling session. “Don’t worry, it’s just those fluro lights,” reassured the Woolworths counsellor. “It makes everyone look like that.” The session DBT witnessed was taking place in the staff area of Woolworths Double Bay, but the supermarket giant says it’s rolling out free counselling to shoppers around Australia. “They can’t help with the…
Read MoreLower North Shore man torn between wearing his chinos normally, or rolling them slightly up to flaunt the labels on his R.M. Williams
FASHION DILEMMA: As summer’s hottest months approach, one Cremorne man has been considering rolling up his chinos, but not for the reason you may think. “A lot of my friends roll up their pants to expose the labels on their R.M. Williams,” says Ben Jamison. “I’m yet to make that transition, but to be honest, I’m seriously thinking about it.” The 34 year old says his reluctance stems from his time as a rugby playing private school boy. “School boy rugby and rolled up chinos don’t exactly go hand in hand,” he says. “I’ve seen how it looks in the…
Read MoreNew report shows it’s impossible to do anything remotely fun in Sydney without having to queue for hours first
QUEUE CULTURE: A new study shows the depressing truth about living in Sydney. The UNSW report shows there’s now only a handful of fun things to do, and all of them involve massive queues. “I only really like going out to the Sheaf or The Caterpillar Club,” one woman told DBT. “Then on Sunday it’s either cinnamon scrolls and macha at Sundays Bondi or fro yo at Yo-Chi.” However researchers found that virtually everyone else in Sydney has exactly the same idea, leading to bottlenecks all over the city. The study identified other congestion points such as Vivid, the beach,…
Read MoreCalls for royal commission into how Sydney is among the world’s most expensive cities, but you can’t even get a half-decent coffee after 3pm
FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS: Caffeine-deprived Sydneysiders are demanding a Royal Commission into how a city with $20 million terrace houses can’t produce a single decent coffee after 3pm. “It’s an embarrassment to Sydney which is known for its cafe culture,” says one barista-turned-activist. “I have instant coffee sometimes in the afternoon. It’s basically a scandal.” A petition calling for a royal commission and for 24/7 cafes around Sydney has 50,564 signatures so far. The NSW Premier is shrugging off the calls. “You can always go to a McCafe,” Chris Minns told reporters today. “There’s hundreds of them all around the state.…
Read MoreAustralia Post delivery driver sacked after actually knocking on someone’s door with parcel, instead of taking it straight to the post office
PUSHING THE ENVELOPE: A well-intentioned Australia Post delivery driver has lost his job after attempting to make life easier for a parcel recipient. “Instead of just leaving a ‘Sorry We Missed You’ card without ever attempting delivery, I thought I’d knock on the door and give them the parcel,” says the delivery driver. Australia Post’s internal investigation revealed his actions were deliberate. “He admitted to knocking on the door to save the customer a trip to the post office,” an Australia Post spokesperson said. “This kind of efficiency undermines our entire business model.” “We cannot allow rogue behaviour like this…
Read MoreTIME TO REFLECT: Waverley Council install a large mirror at Bondi outdoor gym
ONE MORE SET: Attendance at Bondi outdoor gym was higher than normal today, after Waverley Council installed a large mirror along the beachfront. Gym regulars say they’re finally able to get a proper workout. “Honestly the mirror is the best piece of equipment here,” said one man. “I don’t care that it blocks the view of the beach at all.” “It’s life changing,” said another man. “Before this, I had to wait until I got home to see how shredded I looked. Now I can just flex between sets, and honestly, that’s the best motivation.”
Read MoreUniversity of Sydney now offering PhD on ‘How to look busy until your trust fund kicks in’
PERFORMATIVE PRODUCTIVITY: The University of Sydney today unveiled a doctoral program in a new field of study called ‘Neponomics.’ It’s a three year PhD course educating students on how to appear industrious while patiently waiting for generational wealth to bail them out. “One thing we’ll be teaching is how to take a gap year in Europe, disguised as ‘investment opportunity research,’” says one lecturer. “Think Prosecco in Tuscany while scribbling notes on ‘market trends.’” “Another popular technique is to wear a suit out for casual after-work drinks with friends, to make it seem like you actually have a job.” “And…
Read MoreFully grown adult still somehow completely unaware you’re meant to let passengers get off the train, before getting on
TRAINWRECK: A local man continues to perplex fellow commuters by boarding trains before allowing others to disembark. DBT captured this photo of Michael Mitchell getting on a train, as several people formed inside the carriage waiting to get off. “Ummm hello!!? yelled one frustrated passenger. “When I was five years old I already knew to let passengers off the train first!” When approached for comment, Mr Mitchell seemed genuinely puzzled. “I don’t see what the big deal is,” he shrugged. “People are too sensitive these days!” Commuters report Mitchell also caused a minor pile-up at the ticket gates when he…
Read MoreWoollahra Council announce one lane of New South Head Rd to be exclusively used for Range Rovers
LUXURY LANE: Traffic gridlock on New South Head Rd in Sydney’s east could soon be a thing of the past, at least for Range Rover drivers. Woollahra Council has today confirmed that one lane of the notoriously congested road will be “exclusively reserved for Range Rovers.” “This is about safety and efficiency,” said a council spokesperson. “Range Rovers are wider, heavier, and more entitled than other cars, so it just makes sense they should have their own lane.” When complete early next year, the new “Range Rover Only Lane” will stretch in both directions from Vaucluse to Edgecliff. Drivers not…
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