“We should totally grab a beer soon!” says old friend who never even replies to your calls or texts

ON THE BEERS: Sam Galoti suggested to his old friend Peter Manning they “catch up for a beer soon.” That was 3 years ago, and Sam keeps suggesting it every time they bump into each other. “It’s so annoying,” Peter Manning told DBT. “He’s never actually suggested a time or place, but he always, always talks about it. I reckon he’s suggested it at least 20 times.” The pair met at university 5 years ago and they later coincidentally worked together for 18 months. Now they bump into each other on the street from time to time. “Honestly I really…

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“It’s so good to be out in nature,” says woman in park while on a ciggie break during lunch at Catalina 

WILDLIFE: A Potts Point woman has rediscovered the joys of nature by stepping outside a swanky restaurant for a five-minute cigarette break in the park. Maggie Tunstall was joined by her friend Max at Lyne Park Rose Bay, near where they were having Friday lunch at the upmarket seafood restaurant Catalina. “Nature is so beautiful, it’s so good for the soul,” she said as she took in the sights and sounds of the park between puffs on her cigarette. But their daring expedition was not without challenges. A gentle breeze forced her to make several attempts at lighting her cigarette,…

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‘THE BAY BOYS’ Police warning of a ‘Bra Boys’ style gang now operating in Double Bay

ESHAY BAH: Double Bay’s tranquil streets are being threatened by a new gang dubbed ‘The Bay Boys,’ who appear to be based on Maroubra’s infamous ‘Bra Boys’. “The Bay Boys are flourishing in and around Double Bay,” says Chief Inspector Angus Watt. “They’re often located in Kiaora Place near Bake Bar.” But unlike their rough-and-tumble Maroubra counterparts, The Bay Boys wear puffer jackets and tend not to use physical violence. “Instead they’re lodging complaints with the local council and using their white collar network to gain perks and special access,” says Inspector Watt.  Several Bay Boys members have been cautioned by…

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Vaucluse mum starter pack: All the essential items

THE BASICS: If you’re a new mother who has lived in Vaucluse for a while, or a mum who has recently moved from elsewhere, this starter kit is for you. To get underway, a puffer jacket is an obvious and must-have item for grocery shopping or for coffee with friends. Also a priority, keeping your baby safe, something that is not possible without a pram worth $2,000.00. Wear massive sunglasses for that eastern suburbs look, but feel free to take them off every once in a while to flaunt your tattoo eyebrows. Round out your appearance with a visit to…

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‘Business coach’ recording selfie video while driving, too busy to film it at any other time

DRIVING FORCE: A self-described Melbourne ‘business coach’ is using a camera mounted to his dashboard to film selfie videos while driving, in a desperate bid to seem busy. “I just thought I’d jump on here quickly,” Peter Marlah says at the start of each of his videos, before sharing generic & obvious thoughts about goal setting and leadership.   He then posts the videos to his socials. “I watched the latest video closely,” says one eagle-eyed viewer. “He drove around the same few streets 3 or 4 times. He was literally going round in circles.”   Motor safety experts warn…

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Man suffers panic attack after showing photo on phone to mum, who began swiping to other photos

He took back the phone quickly and paramedics are on the scene. ONE FOUL SWIPE: Paramedics rushed to a home in Sydney’s inner west today after a man suffered a mild panic attack when he briefly gave his phone to his mother. Mark Lee wanted to show her a photo in his camera roll, but when she started swiping through other photos the 21 year old began sweating and had difficulty breathing. “I wanted to show you one photo, not my entire personal life,” he reportedly shouted at his mother. “He took the phone back quickly and aggressively,” says his…

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Double Bay man buys North Face puffer jacket to help him brave cooler climates at the movies

ADVENTURE MAN: A local man who normally watches movies at home is tonight stepping out of his comfort zone. Before bravely stepping into the heavily air conditioned Event Cinemas at Bondi Junction, Ben Watkins visited the North Face store within Westfield to buy a $400 puffer jacket. “I heard the North Face jackets are excellent at keeping the cold out,” he told DBT. “I’m going to need it because this movie I’m seeing goes for almost two hours.” And, like virtually every other eastern suburbs resident who never leaves the city, the 34 year old has combined his new jacket…

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Local man basing entire personality on doing chin-ups at Bondi outdoor gym

FULL FLEX: It began as a way to keep fit and meet new people, but doing chin-ups at Bondi outdoor gym has turned into a complete obsession for one local man. Max Ridley spends hours every day perfecting his chin-up technique and flaunting his impressive physique to anyone who’ll notice. “I can easily do 30 chin ups without a break,” he told DBT. “But I don’t do any unless there’s at least a few people here watching me.” While working out, the fitness enthusiast often plays loud music on a portable speaker in a bid to attract even more attention.…

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Local uni student now smoking bongs 24/7 “because AI will take over most jobs, so why bother trying?”

PUNCH ON: A student at Sydney University has decided that doing anything except smoking weed and chilling out with friends is a huge waste of time. Law student Eric Raine is not attending lectures or doing any study as he believes artificial intelligence will take away most job opportunities by the time he graduates. “Seriously, what’s the point?” he asked our reporter. “There’s also a savage recession coming and probably World War 3 as well as a climate crisis.” The 20 year old has grown a feral beard and says he’ll probably drop out of university soon. “I’ll probably just…

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Man now using ChatGPT to generate responses to anything his wife says to him

LOVE LANGUAGE: Local man Tom Clancy has turned to artificial intelligence to help manage his turbulent relationship with his wife of seven years. “It really takes out the guesswork,” he told DBT. “I just plug in whatever she says into ChatGPT and use that as my response to her.” “We’ve never been happier,” says wife Patricia Clancy, who remains unaware that she is effectively now having a relationship with an AI chat bot. “Tom has been so much nicer to me lately. He’s even been complimenting me on new clothes that I buy.” Tom Clancy says he acknowledges that using…

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