Posts Tagged ‘Already Maybe’
Double Bay man buys North Face puffer jacket to help him brave cooler climates at the movies
ADVENTURE MAN: A local man who normally watches movies at home is tonight stepping out of his comfort zone. Before bravely stepping into the heavily air conditioned Event Cinemas at Bondi Junction, Ben Watkins visited the North Face store within Westfield to buy a $400 puffer jacket. “I heard the North Face jackets are excellent at keeping the cold out,” he told DBT. “I’m going to need it because this movie I’m seeing goes for almost two hours.” And, like virtually every other eastern suburbs resident who never leaves the city, the 34 year old has combined his new jacket…
Read MoreLocal man spends entire first date trying to show things on his phone
SHOW & TELL: An insecure man with little personality desperately tried to let his phone do the talking while out on a first date this afternoon at the Tilbury Hotel in Wooloomooloo. A DBT reporter was on hand to witness Ryan Watson spend at least 80% of the time showing his date an assortment of things on his phone. “Here, take a look at my Crypto portfolio,” he said, when asked about his hobbies. “Oh, and you must check out my Spotify playlist.” His date, 25 year old Millie Thompson was unimpressed. “He didn’t ask me one question the whole…
Read MoreLocal man basing entire personality on doing chin-ups at Bondi outdoor gym
FULL FLEX: It began as a way to keep fit and meet new people, but doing chin-ups at Bondi outdoor gym has turned into a complete obsession for one local man. Max Ridley spends hours every day perfecting his chin-up technique and flaunting his impressive physique to anyone who’ll notice. “I can easily do 30 chin ups without a break,” he told DBT. “But I don’t do any unless there’s at least a few people here watching me.” While working out, the fitness enthusiast often plays loud music on a portable speaker in a bid to attract even more attention.…
Read MoreLocal uni student now smoking bongs 24/7 “because AI will take over most jobs, so why bother trying?”
PUNCH ON: A student at Sydney University has decided that doing anything except smoking weed and chilling out with friends is a huge waste of time. Law student Eric Raine is not attending lectures or doing any study as he believes artificial intelligence will take away most job opportunities by the time he graduates. “Seriously, what’s the point?” he asked our reporter. “There’s also a savage recession coming and probably World War 3 as well as a climate crisis.” The 20 year old has grown a feral beard and says he’ll probably drop out of university soon. “I’ll probably just…
Read More“Call me anytime, I’m here for you” says man with phone on silent and 89 missed calls at 1pm
CAUGHT NAPPING: A local man is under fire today for being uncontactable as his friend tried calling him 89 times, and sending 15 text messages within the space of one hour. Miles Manning was in deep sleep and blissfully unaware his friend was in desperate need of emotional support after being dumped by her boyfriend. “I’m so sorry I missed your calls, I was busy on the other line,” he told his friend four hours later after eventually waking up at 5pm that afternoon. It remains unclear exactly what Mr Manning meant about being ‘on the other line,’ as he…
Read MoreWoman now only answering calls from people who text first to disclose what the call is about
CALL SCREENING: A local woman is taking drastic steps to ensure she doesn’t get stuck on unwanted phone calls. She’s now requiring a text message or voice note from anyone before they attempt to call her. “It’s 2023,” says Tara Henry. “Even if it’s a call from a close friend, there’s no way I’d pick up without some idea of what it’s about first. It’s a trap for young players.” She says the screening technique has become common place among her friend groups. “If people do try calling me without any kind of warning text, I’ll just let the phone…
Read MoreWealthy homeowner posts fireworks photo as thinly veiled excuse to show off his harbour view
SET PIECE: It’s that time of year again. Every New Year’s Eve, Max Jirgis posts a photo of the fireworks from his sprawling balcony in Sydney’s prestigious Darling Point. “He actually does the same thing for the Sydney to Hobart yacht race,” one of his friends told DBT. “But he doesn’t care about yachts or fireworks. It’s literally all about showing off his view.” In the photo posted just after midnight, Max Jirgis appears alone, but seemingly dressed for a party, wearing a waistcoat and posing with a glass of wine. However DBT understands those items were just props to…
Read MoreNetflix introduce new viewing category: ‘Easy to follow while on your phone the whole time’
SECOND SCREEN: Global streaming giant Netflix has introduced a new category for viewers who often look at their phones while watching TV. “This is a fast growing audience segment,” says Netflix programming boss Felix Schuster. “Most viewers have the TV on in the background while focusing most of their attention on their phones.” The ‘Easy To Follow While On Your Phone The Whole Time’ category includes lots of “non-committal” viewing options like baking shows, reality TV and even Home & Away. “You don’t actually need to know what’s happening in these shows to continue watching them,” says Felix Schuster. “You…
Read MoreSydney Woman Uses Today’s Slightly Warmer Weather As Flimsy Excuse To Post A Thirst Trap
HOT GIRL SUMMER: Temperatures are rising in Sydney today, with warm weather, and a glamorous thirst trap instagram carousel. Sydney’s Melanie Riley posted four photos of himself today at Malabar Beach. “Great content!” and “Umm hello!!!” were among the comments, with plenty of fire emojis. But not everyone was impressed. “She’s been a bit quick off the mark with the thirst traps given it’s only 19 degrees,” says another follower who DBT spoke to anonymously. “In her photos she’s even using props! I mean please.” Either way, the montage has so far wracked up a very healthy 194 likes and…
Read MoreWARNING: Boomer On The Loose, Attempting Small Talk With Strangers About The Rain
GOOD CHAT: Sydney-siders are being advised to avoid a retiree who is allegedly walking around trying to engage strangers in conversation about the rain. “The woman is described as friendly, with brown hair and probably around 60 years old,” says Inspector Lyle Cummings from NSW Police. Witnesses say she’s approaching people and saying, ‘enough rain for you lately? Apparently it’s La Nina.’ “Yes, it’s raining, everyone knows that!” one man told DBT. “Maybe she could try to start conversations in a more original way? Or, even better, just stay quiet.” Police say the woman may be lonely or bored, and…
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