Driver at Westfield Bondi Junction uses up two hours of free parking, looking for parking

TIME’S UP: A Sydney motorist says he’s been left traumatised after spending two hours in Westfield Bondi Junction car park looking for parking. “I drove from parking level P4, right down to P1 without luck, so then I went over to the upper car park and combed R1 up to R4, and again, nothing.” The Bellevue Hill man says he lost track of time as he navigated his way around the complicated car park. “I think it was after an hour or so I broke out in a small sweat, which made my Boost Juice cravings even stronger,” he says.…

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Bondi Beach outdoor gym now rejecting anyone with more than 5% body fat

LEAN & MEAN: Bondi Beach outdoor gym is no longer freely accessible to all members of the public, under new rules announced today by the local council. Before gaining entry, gym goers will be subject to a skinfold caliper test to ensure they have less than 5% body fat. “The gym remains free to use, but only to those who pass the test,” says Bondi Beach stalwart Dimitri Moskovich, who is conducting the tests. “The gym has become too busy during the summer months and we’re trying to keep the riff raff out.” Critics of the new ‘door policy’ say…

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Man parking at Indigo Cafe excited to get pole position so everyone knows what car he drives

SHOW PONY: A Penrith man visiting the eastern suburbs for coffee this morning has had a stroke of luck while parking his car in Double Bay. Sam Sherman was fortunate enough to jag pole position for his expensive sports car outside the popular Indigo Cafe. “It was meant to be,” he says. “As I reversed parked, I loudly revved my engine unnecessarily a few times just to make sure everyone was looking at me. It was huge.” Almost every patron at the busy cafe was still looking at Sam Sherman as he got out of his car and walked over…

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Bondi Icebergs now allowing in pets, as long as they’re wearing a Polo Ralph Lauren shirt

VIP (VERY IMPORTANT PET): One of Sydney’s premier bar and dining venues is taking its first tentative steps toward becoming pet friendly. “We’re now proudly welcoming furry friends into our bar area, but only if they adhere to a strict dress code,” says Bondi Icebergs owner Mark Pongrass. The popular Sydney venue says pets must be wearing a Polo Ralph Lauren shirt to get in. “We want pets in our venue,” says Mark Pongrass. “We just ask they dress appropriately.” He says the Polo pet shirts are currently available at David Jones for $89. “It’s a small price to pay…

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Local private girls school changes uniform to activewear “to prepare students for the real world”

ACTIVE WHERE? A private girls school in Sydney’s east is raising eyebrows by its decision to ditch its traditional school uniform in favor of activewear. “We’re keeping the same colours, but just modernising the uniform,” says the principal of Ascham school, Dana Henry. From next month, students will be required to wear new figure hugging uniforms, consisting of a two piece khaki moisture-wicking outfit with a red horizontal stripe across the midriff. “It’s stylish and practical,” says Dana Henry. “Students will no longer need to change out of their uniforms for physical education classes.” “They can literally just run straight…

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Eastern suburbs P-plater relegated to driving her dad’s Porsche Cayenne after totalling her BMW X6

FALL FROM GRACE: A Vaucluse teenager is suffering a major setback after crashing her $250,000 BMW X6. Tiffany Pilger escaped the accident unharmed, but her ego is badly bruised after being forced to drive her dad’s Porsche Cayenne, worth only $148,000. “I can’t believe this is happening to me,” the eighteen year old P-plater told DBT. “I don’t even like Porsche’s. It’s actually embarrassing to be seen in that thing.” Her woes began yesterday morning, as she drove her BMW X6 to Westfield Bondi Junction. “I was navigating some winding streets in Rose Bay when I lost control and hit…

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‘WILL WE SURVIVE?’ Tax changes force Rose Bay family to cut back full-time private chef, to only 5 days a week

DOING IT TOUGH: The Labor government’s revamped tax plan is having a devastating effect on one family in Sydney’s east. Changes to the stage 3 tax cuts mean the Stanforth family of Rose Bay will get a smaller tax break than expected. “The PM’s backflip is hurting us badly,” the father told DBT. He says they’re being forced to make a range of cutbacks to their lifestyle, including reducing their full-time private chef to only five days a week. “We might have to go out for dinner a few times a week, or even worse, cook something at home.” “I’ve…

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Sydney Uni now offering PhD course on how to avoid making one wrong turn & getting forced into the Harbour Tunnel

TAKING A TOLL: Sydney’s confusing road network is taking growing numbers of drivers by surprise, especially when they get forced into a tunnel by mistake, costing them time and road tolls. Now, in a groundbreaking move, the University of Sydney aims to address the chronic issue. “Sydney’s roads can be a labyrinth for the uninitiated,” says Sydney University’s Dr Lane Swerver. “Taking one wrong turn, or being in the wrong lane, often leads to frustration and tears.” “That’s why we’ve introduced PhD program called: ‘Advanced Navigational Strategies: Harbour Tunnel Avoidance.’” The four year course includes advanced map reading, the psychology…

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COST OF LIVING CRISIS: Eastern suburbs man spotted using public transport

FALL FROM GRACE: The full extent of Australia’s cost of living crisis was laid bare today, after a Rose Bay man was seen on a bus to Double Bay. Paul Hermani was looking sad and embarrassed on the 325 bus this afternoon, on his way to meet friends at the Golden Sheaf hotel. “The whole experience was so degrading,” he told DBT. “The seats were too dirty to sit on, and the bus was full of weirdos.” To make matters worse, his friends saw him as he got off the bus. “From a distance I could see them point at…

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Man at Bondi outdoor gym refusing to do chin-ups unless there’s at least 10 people watching him

NUMBERS GAME: A regular at Bondi’s famous outdoor gym has boldly declared he will only do chin-ups if he has an audience of at least 10 people watching. “It’s been pretty quiet down here so far today unfortunately,” Simon Sandova told DBT, while scanning the area for potential spectators. “Chin-ups are a performance art, and every artist needs an audience.” Witnesses say he’s been trying to attract attention by grunting loudly during his chin-up routine. And he’s set up a small ‘viewing area’ complete with fold-out chairs. Other fitness enthusiasts are not impressed. “He’s a major show pony,” said one…

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