Rose Bay couple send daughter to boarding school at Ascham, just so they can avoid the daily traffic on New South Head Rd

TRAFFIC HACK: A Rose Bay couple is raising eyebrows after enrolling their 14 year old daughter into Ascham’s boarding program, despite living only four kilometres from the school. “The traffic every day on New South Head Rd is a nightmare,” says the father Phil Morgan. “It’s going to save us about an hour per day.” The Daughter, Hannah Morgan, gets dropped at school and picked up everyday. “Public transport is not an option for us,” says the father. “Hannah refuses to catch the bus. So boarding school is a great solution.” Hannah – previously a day student at the prestigious…

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#BREAKING: Instagram unveils new ‘accounts you’ve blocked in common’ feature

LET’S UNITE: Instagram is making waves today after unveiling its latest feature which aims to bring users together through shared grievances. The popular social networking app has always allowed users to see who they follow in common. But now, they can now also see which of them they’ve blocked in common. “Bonding over enemies is a great way to connect,” says Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg. “We’re giving users a platform to connect and talk about why they’ve blocked those people.” “It’s an authentic way to bond with like-minded users.” The new feature is still in testing phase and is not…

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MAFS introduce new relationship challenge: One hour of furniture shopping together at Moore Park Supa Centre

PUSHED TO THE BRINK: In an unexpected twist, Channel Nine has unveiled the latest high-stakes test for its MAFS couples: surviving an hour of furniture shopping at the Moore Park Supa Centre. “We’ve done the romantic getaways, the intimacy challenges, and the dreaded family dinners,” explained MAFS expert John Aiken. “Now we’re turning up the heat and pushing relationships to breaking point to see if they can survive.” Couples will roam the endless aisles of ottomans, bed frames, and questionable décor choices without losing their sanity, or each other. Armed only with a tape measure and their own relationship insecurities,…

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“Hey, just checking if we’re still on for today?” woman texts her fiance on their wedding day

CANCEL CULTURE: Only three hours before a Sydney couple is set to walk down the aisle to get married, the bride-to-be sent her fiance Harry a WhatsApp message asking: “Are we still on for today?” “I just wanted to give him an out, you know?” Julie Manning told DBT. “I’m so used to people canceling plans with me at the last second, I wanted to extend Harry the same courtesy.” She followed up her first text with another: “No worries if you want to cancel or postpone. No pressure :).” At press time, Harry is still yet to reply, leaving…

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KEEPING UP APPEARANCES: Local shopper using Kookai bag to conceal items she just bought at Kmart

FASHION FAUX PAS: The eastern suburbs fashion scene is in shock tonight, after a Westfield Bondi Junction shopper was caught red-handed using a Kookai shopping bag to disguise items she bought at discount retailer Kmart. A DBT reporter was on hand at Kmart to witness Kate Medhurst buy a scented candle, a 5-pack of socks and an inflatable unicorn pool float, totalling $10. “At the self checkout, she quickly put the items in the Kookai carry bag and strolled confidently out of Kmart and into the shopping centre,” says our reporter. “I followed her and asked her to show me…

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“Sorry, I didn’t see your text,” insists friend who checks his phone every 5 seconds

BAD CONNECTION: A local man is accused of neglecting his friends after failing to reply to text messages, despite being glued to his phone 24/7. Investment analyst Mark Stanforth admits to leading a busy life and being overloaded with messages, but he’s blaming his poor response rate on mobile network issues. “A lot of people have been saying I didn’t reply to their texts lately,” he told one of his friends. “I’m with Telstra and I heard they’re having some problems in my area at the moment.” But his friends aren’t  buying it. “He definitely reads all my messages,” says…

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Trump secures U.S ownership of Gaza, after erecting thousands of beach cabanas there

GAZA-LAGO: The question of who owns Gaza has been a complicated one for decades, but now the U.S President is claiming he’s settled the issue. President Donald Trump has proclaimed the long-disputed territory is now officially under U.S. control. “You can’t argue with a beach cabana,” says Trump. “And we’ve literally put up thousands of them all over this land, so I’m now officially in charge.” Trump is using the same logic as many Australians who argue that erecting a cabana allows you to lay claim to their favourite parts of the beach. Politicians around the world are expressing blunt…

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#BREAKING: Trump announces plan to take control of Bondi Junction outdoor mall

TRUMP MALL: Sydney residents have been shocked by the U.S President’s controversial new plan to take control of the aging Bondi Junction outdoor mall. “We will completely level the entire area and start again,” says Donald Trump. “I don’t believe Sydney residents should have to go shopping in such harsh conditions.” The mall currently boasts a range of substandard retail outlets, including several off-brand discount stores. “I want to transform this area into a luxury shopping paradise, with tanning salons and golf stores,” says Trump. “And it definitely needs a McDonalds outlet or two.” “I want to make Bondi Junction…

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Men on MAFS somehow yet to understand they need to rank their partner 1st in the photo challenge, regardless of how hot they are

“It’s not an honesty challenge, it’s an IQ challenge,” says expert John Aiken. PHOTO CHALLENGED: Men on MAFS are still struggling to comprehend a fundamental rule of the show’s photo task, in which the cast are asked to rank other cast members of the opposite sex, in order of physical attractiveness. “After eleven seasons of the show, you’d think they’d have worked it out by now,” MAFS expert John Aiken told DBT. “In reality the photo task is not an attractiveness test. It’s an IQ test, and year after year men fail dismally.” Last night saw MAFS cast member Ryan…

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“It’s because all the trains were on strike,” outgoing NSW transport minister defends her misuse of taxpayer funded chauffeurs

DAMAGE CONTROL: Jo Haylen is still trying to defend her misuse of taxpayer funded ministerial drivers to chauffeur her to multiple private events. Addressing the media at a press conference a short time ago, she announced her resignation as NSW transport minister over the matter, but she’s now saying it was all because of the train strike. “We were planning on catching the train up to the winery at the Hunter Valley,” she says. “But there were train strikes happening at the time.” She says she also tried ordering an Uber which she planned to pay for. “But the Uber…

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