Sydney man sparks investigation after going to Europe without posting a selfie at the departures sign
BORDER PATROL: A Sydney man is being questioned by police and immigration officials after failing to post the obligatory departures sign photo before going overseas. “This is uncharted territory for us,” says the NSW Police Commissioner. After returning from Europe last night, immigration officials detained Mark Reynolds. And they’ve confirmed his passport shows he did in fact fly from Sydney to London two weeks ago. “At this stage the man is being held for questioning at Bondi police station, but no charges have been laid,” say the police. “The concern is that he’s avoiding drawing attention to his travels as he may…
Read MoreCity of Sydney now mandating helmets for all pedestrians, in case they get knocked over by food delivery riders
BRAVE STEP FORWARD: The City of Sydney council has today announced that wearing a helmet will be compulsory for all pedestrians as soon as they walk out onto the city streets. The new laws cover Sydney’s CBD and surrounding inner city suburbs, where thousands of delivery agents often ride illegally on footpaths all day, everyday. “These riders are remunerated based on how fast they can deliver their orders,” says City of Sydney Lord Mayor Clover Moore. “So no wonder they are breaking every road rule in the book.” The council admits it’s failed to crack down on illegal riding activities.…
Read MoreDouble Bay man prepares for torrid trek up Bellevue Hill by donning a puffer jacket with his finance company’s name printed on it
ADVENTURE MAN: A Double Bay man is being praised for his courage and tenacity as he began an ambitious trek up Bellevue Hill this evening. “It’s not Everest, but it’s close,” Oliver Mertles told DBT, as he made his way up Bellevue Road. “The steep incline up from Double Bay can really test a man’s resolve, and his calf muscles.” The 48 year old is wearing a Moncler puffer jacket, prominently featuring the logo of the boutique wealth advisory firm where he is CEO. “Visibility is key,” Mertles explained. “Not just on the road, but in the market.” At around 7pm…
Read More“Work hard, play hard,” unemployed man captions Euro holiday photo and crops out his parents who paid for the entire trip
SELF-MADE MAN: A Sydney man’s Instagram flex has sparked a wave of backlash with an Instagram post from his luxurious European holiday. “Work hard, play hard,” Matt Frederick captioned a photo of himself at a picturesque beach on the Greek Island of Crete. His caption continued: “If you work hard and focus on what you want, you can get anything, including lavish overseas holidays!” “It’s so good to finally have a chance to wind down.” In the photo, he appeared alone, but DBT can reveal he cleverly cropped out his parents, who paid for all his flights, accomodation and meals.…
Read MoreAustralians shocked by reports The Project is set to be axed; “We didn’t realise it was still on,” they say
CANCEL CULTURE: Amid growing rumours The Project is about to be axed by Network TEN, Australians are overwhelmingly responding with the same reaction: “Wait, that’s still on?” Once an iconic mainstay of Australian current affairs television, the show has struggled with low ratings in recent years as viewers shift from free-to-air TV to streaming. Now, the mere whiff of cancellation has generated more buzz than any panel debate in the show’s past decade. Even those who still sometimes watch The Project are expressing relief. “Honestly, now I have the entire hour back to scroll Instagram, and frankly, that’s great news,”…
Read MoreParamount Pictures announces new film ‘Mean Boys,’ starring Donald Trump & Elon Musk
BILLIONAIRE BREAKUP: Paramount Pictures has announced its latest teen comedy, titled Mean Boys, will star Donald Trump and Elon Musk as a pair of ruthlessly popular high-school “royalty.” “Mean Boys is currently in production and expected to be released in September,” says one Paramount executive. ‘It’s about a clash of egos, bound by wealth and power, wrapped in teen-drama splendour.” Paramount has promised “no detail too petty” when dramatising the pair’s social-media face-offs. Some movie buffs are praising the film as a “genius meta‐satire” that exposes billionaire insecurities, while others decry it as an overpriced vanity project.
Read More“Yep, I’m ready and willing to assist in case of an emergency,” claims man in exit row after having two weed gummies and a valium
FLIGHT RISK: A Sydney man sitting in the exit row on a flight bound for LA has proudly declared himself “totally ready and super willing” to assist in any emergency. However, what the flight attendants don’t know is that Mark Cartwright is already under the influence of two weed gummies and a Valium. “It should be totally sweet,” said the 37 year old, with his speech already slightly slurred. “I’m all over it.” Several passengers seated near Mr Cartwright have already expressed concern about his ability to respond. “First he spent 20 minutes just trying to adjust his neck pillow,” one…
Read MoreCoogee man tries making his friends in Positano jealous by posting a selfie at Gordon’s Bay
DIGGING DEEP: Like many Australians, local man Gary Sirocco can’t afford to go overseas this winter. “It’s been difficult seeing my friends relentlessly posting photos from idyllic European locations,” he told DBT. “So I thought I’d give them a taste of what they’re missing back home.” This morning, in an ambitious attempt to outshine his friends vacationing in Italy’s Positano, the 29 year old posted a selfie from Gordon’s Bay in Sydney’s east. He captioned the post: “Who needs Positano when you have Gordon’s Bay! #WishYouWereHere #Wunderlust” “I’ve always thought Gordon’s Bay has a certain European beach vibe,” he says.…
Read MoreWaverley Council announce bold proposal to rename Bondi Junction ‘West Bondi’
GONE WEST: Waverley Council has unveiled a plan to rebrand the entire Bondi Junction commercial hub as ‘West Bondi.’ “Calling it West Bondi brings it into line with the naming convention for suburbs like ‘North Bondi and South Bondi,” says Waverley Councillor Henrietta Van der Han. The initiative is pitched as a bid to shake the area’s stubbornly entrenched nickname: ‘The Jungo.’ “We can’t change much of the actual area unfortunately, but at least we can change the name,” admits the councillor. Local real estate agents support the move. “‘West Bondi’ is a much easier sell than ‘Bondi Junction,’” says…
Read MoreMan braving the bitter cold under layers of heavy clothing still very focused on rolling up his chinos to fully expose his ankles
FASHION FIRST: Today’s winter temperatures couldn’t stop one local man from having his ankles fully exposed while walking around the city. 28 year old Max Illich was seen wearing a beanie, a chunky turtleneck sweater and a heavy jacket, but he was resolutely sporting rolled-up chinos that stopped well above his ankles. “It’s just how I roll,” he told DBT, despite the mercury hovering around 12 degrees. “It’s a great way to draw attention to my white sneakers.” “I have left my ankles exposed since about 2018, when it first became fashionable.” Fashion critics applauded Max Illich’s bravery. “Sure, you risk…
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