Posts by DBT
Man Waiting For Gap In Conversation So He Can Start Talking About Crypto Again
MARKET MOVER: It was meant to be a laid back catch up with friends, but it ended up being a Cryptocurrency masterclass. While out for lunch at Indigo cafe in Double Bay, David Rogers went to extraordinary lengths to repeatedly drag the conversation back to his favorite topic. “Guys, Ethereum is set to explode even more,” he told his friends. “Trust me you need to get some ASAP. Even Commonwealth Bank is getting on board now. His friends were visibly reluctant to talk about it. “I tried to change the topic,” one of the friends told DBT. “I asked our…
Read MoreEntire Friendship Now Solely Based On Liking Each Other’s Instagram Posts
STILL IN TOUCH: Two local men say their friendship is as strong as ever, even though they’ve barely spoken since 2015. “I don’t think people need to talk or see each other in person to have thriving friendships,” says Tom Bushnell. “But liking each other’s Instagram posts definitely helps.” The pair finished school together 10 years ago. “We’ve always had a level of mutual respect,” says James Meier. “Even though we rarely see each other, I know we are in a good place.” James Meier estimates that Tom Bushnell likes or comments “around 80%” of his posts. “To me it’s…
Read More#Breaking: Alan Jones Posts FB Status Asking If Any Of His Followers Know How To Start A Podcast
CALL OUT: Controversial broadcaster Alan Jones is not ready to hang up his microphone just yet. After being dumped from 2GB and today Sky News, the 80 year old is now reportedly turning to modern technology to ensure his voice continues to be heard. Jones has today posted a Facebook status update asking if any of his followers know how to start up a podcast. “I remain an important voice in Australia’s media landscape,” he wrote. “I need to continue to stand up to the woke mob who are leading this great nation astray.” “I’ve heard a bit about podcasting,…
Read MoreLocal woman begins painful recovery from 4-Day Easter bender
FIRST STEPS: The last four days have taken a huge toll on 24 year old Amy Shannon. She’s begun her long and painful recovery from 100 consecutive hours of treating her body like an amusement park. “So far Amy is progressing well,” says her rehab therapist Ivan Brasic. “But it’s still very early days.” Ms Shannon emailed her bosses late last night to say she won’t be working today. Instead she’s checked into a rehab facility in north west Sydney. “Amy did manage to get 4 hours sleep last night after being munted for almost 4 days straight,” says Ivan…
Read More#BREAKING: ICAC Launches Fresh Inquiry Into What Gladys Ever Saw In Daryl Maguire
HOT MESS: ICAC has today announced a new investigation into the relationship between the former NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian and disgraced former Liberal MP Daryl Maguire. “We suspect something else was happening which has yet to be investigated, because he was quite clearly punching well above his weight,” says ICAC’s Commissioner Jan Rumble. The new ICAC investigation will run separately to the one currently happening. It will seek to find out why Gladys Berejiklian would ever agree to be Maguire’s girlfriend. “To be honest, he seems like a self-obsessed nagging pain in the arse,” says Jan Rumble. “He’s 10 years older…
Read MoreNerd Without Social Skills Remains Confident He Can Make Friends In His Metaverse
SOCIAL DILEMMA: After decades of leading Facebook, Instagram and WhatsApp, Mark Zuckerberg is admitting he still hasn’t made any good friends. “I’m a little shy, awkward and some say robotic,” the 37 year old told DBT. “Making friends and socialising has always been a real challenge for me.” But Zuckerberg says he’s confident he can make friends in the future version of the internet. He’s calling it the Metaverse – where users use virtual reality and augmented reality devices to enter virtual worlds. “The real world isn’t for everyone, especially those like me who find face to face contact daunting,”…
Read MoreKmart Releases ‘Influencer’ Costume Set For Halloween, Complete With $3 Plate
RACK READY: If you haven’t sorted your Halloween costume yet, Kmart may have the answer. The discount retailer has expanded its costume range so shoppers can dress up as influencers. “It’s a great way for our consumers to feel cool,” says Kmart’s Kyle Marks. “We interviewed thousands of influencers about what should be included in the set and they all said pretty much the same things.” For $49 shoppers around the country can get their hands on a crop top, leggings, water bottle, and one of the popular $3 plates famously used by influencer Nadia Bartel. “It’s that popular ‘gym…
Read More#BREAKING: Gladys Berejiklian’s Ex-Boyfriend Is Now Reportedly Dating Annastasia Palaszczuk
NEW ROMANCE: A Sydney corruption inquiry has been told that disgraced former NSW MP Daryl Maguire is now dating Queensland Premier Annastasia Palaszczuk. The inquiry heard that border closures are currently preventing the pair from seeing each other, but they are in regular contact via SMS. “I’ve seen several text messages,” political journalist Jene Howes told the inquiry. “Daryl is in NSW but the relationship remains strong.” The inquiry was also told Palaszczuk and Maguire have discussed re-opening the Queensland/NSW border to allow them to see each other as soon as possible. And there’s speculation that it was Daryl Maguire’s…
Read MoreEXCLUSIVE: Bachelorette Leaves Show Empty Handed, As All Contestants Pair Up With Each Other
THIRD TIME UNLUCKY: Reality TV star Brooke Blurton’s third attempted at finding love on TV has failed, DBT can confirm. We can reveal exclusively that the 16 Bachelors and Bachelorettes vying for Brooke’s heart all ended up hooking up with each other. “Brooke is devastated,” say Network TEN insiders. “The producers never anticipated the possibility that this could happen.” DBT understands that the entire series is cut short after episode 9, when all 16 contestants had paired up with each other. Brooke Blurton was not available for comment. But insiders say she plans on giving the Honey Badger a call…
Read More#BREAKING: Cafe Worker Removes Sandwich From Toaster Without Being Reminded By Customer
A Sydney cafe worker is being praised for showing unprecedented initiative while working today. Matt Nagle remembered to remove a toasted sandwich from the toaster without being prompted by the customer. “I was feeling particularly on point today,” says the 24 year old. “I think not partying for the last four months in lockdown might have saved me a few brain cells.” The customer was surprised and appreciative. “Matt went above and beyond for me today,” says Jeff Sauter. “He was busy in there with other customers also. I can’t believe he remembered to take out my toasty.” The Restaurant…
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