Posts Tagged ‘Staying On’
Alfie Langer still wondering how he made selection for this 1991 ad with Tina Turner
PIN UP BOY: The passing of the Queen of Rock ‘n’ Roll Tina Turner has raised some unanswered questions for one former footballer. Back in the early 1990’s, pre-eminent halfback Alfie Langer was featured in an NRL ad alongside Tina Turner, as well as Wayne Pearce and Andrew Ettingshausen. “They made us run along the beach in our budgie smugglers,” says Langer. “I’ve got no idea why they chose me. I thought they were trying to make Rugby League appeal to women, not turn them away!” The Broncos, Queensland and Australian halfback admits he felt intimidated by his New South…
Read MoreNSW Police launch ‘Operation Nanna Watch,’ targeting frail grandmothers using walking frames
PENSIONER PATROL: NSW Police is setting its sights on elderly grandmothers who weigh 50 kilograms or less. “These senior citizens may look innocent and harmless,” says Police Commissioner Mark Sparks. “But we believe they pose an unpredictable threat to public safety.” “We’ve seen a growing number of incidents in which these people are using walking frames and even knitting needles as dangerous weapons.” The ‘Operation Nanna Watch’ taskforce is made up of elite officers who will remain on high alert for suspicious looking grandmothers. “Key warning signs are feeding too many pigeons, a passion for Bingo and carrying an unusually large number of…
Read MoreAll NSW nursing home residents to be given Taser guns to protect themselves from police
ARMED & READY: The NSW government has announced a radical new program to train nursing home residents on how to use Taser guns against police. “Police officers in this state can be erratic and unpredictable,” admits the NSW Aged Care Minister. “That’s why we are giving elderly people the tools they need to feel safe.” The controversial initiative comes after a 95-year-old great grandmother with a walking frame and a cake knife was tasered by police at a NSW nursing home. “Every nursing home resident in this state will receive their personal Taser gun, along with a training course on…
Read MoreMan who relies on work for social activity, relieved his colleagues are being forced back into the office
WORKMATES: A Sydney man with no friends outside of his job is celebrating his employer’s return to the office policy. “Finally, someone to talk to face to face!” says Geoff Tanner, whose social life consists entirely of forced small talk with colleagues and awkward office parties. The impact of Covid on the 33 year old’s social life has been much greater than for the average person. His contact with people during lockdowns was limited to work-related Zoom calls. But now his employer has announced that all staff must work at least 3 days per week in the office. “Actually I’ll…
Read More#BREAKING: Kyle Sandilands dumped at altar, in cruel radio stunt against him for KIIS 1065
SHOCKED JOCK: Kyle Sandilands has been on the receiving end of an elaborate radio stunt at his wedding. During the vows, the controversial shock jock was left red faced when his ‘fiance’ Tegan Kynaston said “I do not,” instead of “I do.” “Our three year relationship was just a prank from day one,” says Ms Kynaston. “The stunt was organised by Jacki O. We got him good. haha!” DBT understands Sandilands’ wedding party and the Prime Minister knew of the hoax, but other guests were taken by surprise when Sandilands left the venue in embarrassment. He was unavailable for comment.…
Read MoreRBA SHAKE-UP: Central bank now using a Powerball machine to determine interest rates
NUMBERS GAME: A scathing review of the Reserve Bank has led to a controversial new way for the institution to determine the nation’s cash rate. The RBA has announced that from next month, it will use a Powerball machine to set interest rates, sparking both intrigue and concern in the financial world. “We’ve tried meticulous research and analysis by economists, but it hasn’t worked,” says RBA Governor Philip Lowe. “We think it’s time to try something a little different in a bid to give borrowers more clarity.” Mr Lowe has been widely criticised after saying in 2021 that interest rates…
Read MoreLocal stoner dies of starvation after grocery delivery service Milkrun shuts down
TRAGIC COLLAPSE: The sudden closure of popular delivery company Milkrun has led to unexpected tragedy. Tributes are flowing in for Bondi stoner Jean-Marc Hume, who reportedly endured days without any food or drink after trying and failing to place orders on the Milkrun app. “He was found unresponsive in his apartment and was extremely dehydrated,” say doctors. “He was rushed to hospital, but unfortunately couldn’t be saved.” It’s understood the 31 year old had been relying exclusively on Milkrun for all his grocery needs, as he refused to leave his apartment to go shopping. “He’d previously used Voly and Send…
Read MoreRBA boss spotted enjoying shorter queues at this year’s Easter Show, as few people can afford to go
FAST PASS: The Reserve Bank of Australia (RBA) Governor was seen galavanting around the Royal Easter Show today, making the most of much shorter than normal queues. When Philip Lowe was asked by a DBT reporter about unprecedented inflation and soaring cost of living affecting families nationwide, he responded: “Let’s focus on the silver lining.” “It only took 5 minutes to line up for the Haunted House, and 3 minutes for the dodgem cars.” The Royal Easter Show entry fee this year is $47 and with food, transport and showbags costing a small fortune, these days it’s an experience reserved…
Read More‘Rupert dumped me because I couldn’t keep up with him in bed,’ reports Murdoch press
STAYING POWER: It was Rupert Murdoch’s insatiable energy and sexual prowess that led to him dumping his latest fiance, according to News Corp media outlets. “Rupert is so good looking and I’m very sexually attracted to him,” Ann Lesley Smith, 66, is quoted as saying in The Australian newspaper. “But unfortunately I just couldn’t keep up with him in the bedroom.” He’s like the energiser bunny.” Last month Murdoch announced plans to marry Ms Smith, a dental hygienist turned conservative radio host. “I tried everything to keep up with him,” Smith is quoted as saying in The Daily Telegraph “Energy…
Read MoreHarrison from MAFS announced as new brand ambassador for Gaslight Pharmacy, Rose Bay
NAMESAKE: After a tumultuous time on Married At First Sight, 33 year old Harrison Boon became well-known for his gaslighting tactics. But despite that, the manipulative groom has managed to secure a lucrative sponsorship deal with a popular local chemist. “I’m new new face of Gaslight Pharmacy in Rose Bay,” Boon told DBT. “I’m super proud to be joining the team.” A day after the final episode of the hit reality TV show went to air, Harrison Boon was seen in a suit outside the pharmacy, welcoming customers. “I’m still hoping to land an endorsement deal with a major sporting brand like…
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