Posts Tagged ‘Already Run’
Westfield Bondi now offering car park massages, for shoppers exhausted from looking for their vehicles
LIGHT RELIEF: An influx of shoppers spending hours searching for their cars in the Westfield Bondi Junction car park has led centre management to offer help. “Combing the car park on foot without any real clue where your car is can be a tiresome and frustrating experience,” says Westfield’s David Ferrier. “That’s why we are offering massages to enable shoppers to rest, recover and then resume their search.” “There are some massage places in the mall itself, but we thought we’d add one on each level of the car park.” Shoppers say the car park’s size and uniquely random design…
Read MoreSydney University now offering ‘Bachelor of Parking Signs’
SIGN OF THE TIMES: Sydney University has become the world’s first tertiary institution to offer classes on understanding parking signs. “Here at Sydney University, we’re all about innovation,” says the Dean of Parking Sciences, Prof. Richard Clearway. “That’s why we’re excited to release our groundbreaking new field of study. It’s only for the best and brightest students.” The comprehensive three year full-time degree will begin early next month. Students will need an ATAR of 99.95 to be accepted into the course. “I was thinking of doing medicine, but this seems more challenging,” says student Jack Dyson. “My end goal is…
Read More“I’m way more productive working in the office,” says woman in 16th conversation about it with colleagues today
KILLING TIME: A local worker’s time in the office is being dominated by generic banter about working from home vs the office. “I’m just find I’m getting a lot more done in the office,” Linda Grieves told colleagues today in a conversation lasting at least 30 minutes. “And what about you guys?” However further investigation by DBT has found she’s had the exact same conversation with at least 15 other colleagues today. “I enjoy getting all dressed up in corporate clothes, putting on make up and commuting for an hour each way to and from work,” says Ms Grieves. “I…
Read MoreLocal mum spends $25k on daughter’s 1st birthday party, to impress other parents
TIME TO SHINE: Double Bay mother of 2 Linda Pavlo has come clean on why she spent $25,000 on her child’s first birthday party. “I’ll be honest, I work in event management. So I wanted to show the other mothers how good I am at it. It’s also a great opportunity to flaunt our recent home renovations.” The pink and purple themed party yesterday featured custom balloons and cake, cookie decorating lessons, make-up artists, as well as pony rides in the backyard. The emerging wedding planner also dressed her family in custom matching Christian Dior outfits. “I realise the kids…
Read More“Call me anytime, I’m here for you” says man with phone on silent and 89 missed calls at 1pm
CAUGHT NAPPING: A local man is under fire today for being uncontactable as his friend tried calling him 89 times, and sending 15 text messages within the space of one hour. Miles Manning was in deep sleep and blissfully unaware his friend was in desperate need of emotional support after being dumped by her boyfriend. “I’m so sorry I missed your calls, I was busy on the other line,” he told his friend four hours later after eventually waking up at 5pm that afternoon. It remains unclear exactly what Mr Manning meant about being ‘on the other line,’ as he…
Read MoreBUNCH OF TOOLS: Bunnings now hosting birthday parties for men aged 45 & over
SCREW LOOSE: DIY retailer Bunnings is to seize a slice of the birthday event market by catering to middle-aged men. “From next month we’re holding parties at our several stores around the country,” Bunnings CEO John McGuinness told DBT. “We even play pin the tail on the donkey, but we’ll be using an actual hammer and nails,” For lunch, a sausage sizzle, beer and shots of Jack Daniels. “Groups will be treated to a visit from a shop assistant who will answer three DIY related questions per party goer,” says John McGuinness. And guests will be sent home with their very…
Read MoreSocial media influencers now outnumber regular social media users: Report
SATURATION POINT: A new report has delivered a dire outlook for the future of social media influencers. “Of the 2 billion active Instagram and Tik Tok users, 1.1 billion of them now list their primary occupation as ‘influencer,’” says Brae Rule from global research firm Nielson. “This is a big concern for the state of the industry, as there’s very few people left to influence.” “We’re also seeing chronic staff shortages across a range of other industries, as everyone is just staying home trying to be influencers.” The report shows that social media has become a cesspool of random battlers…
Read MoreWoman completes transition into her 30’s by straining a neck muscle while reverse parking
STICKING HER NECK OUT: A Sydney woman has been forced to abandon a trip to Rose Bay shops this morning, after straining a neck muscle while trying to reverse park. “It cramped up and became extremely painful,” Valerie Hall told DBT. “Instead of doing my grocery shopping, I drove straight to the physio for a consult.” Ms Hall has been ordered to get an MRI scan and to stop all exercise and driving for the next seven days as her neck recovers. “It looks like she’s done some serious ligament damage,” the physio told DBT. “She’s in a serious but stable…
Read MoreRose Bay man buys R.M. Williams after purchasing 0.5 hectare property near Bowral
A Sydney finance worker who purchased a 0.5 hectare site near Bowral has suddenly begun pounding the pavement in a pair of R.M. Williams. Dan Mason bought the semi-rural property as an investment in an online auction over the weekend, but is yet to make the 1.5 hour trip south to visit in person. “I’m not sure exactly when I’ll get a chance to go there,” he told DBT. “But I feel like just buying the property has given me a genuine connection to rural Australia.” In the meantime, the Rose Bay man has started wearing his new R.M Williams…
Read MorePeople who leave parties without saying goodbye save up to 2 days per year: Report
IRISH EXIT: Saying goodbye to friends at parties may seem like the obvious and polite thing to do, but a new report shows it may be costing us dearly. Researchers from the UNSW’s Time Management Institute interviewed 2000 Australians, finding on average they go to 25 parties per year. “From the moment we actually decide it’s time to leave a party it takes us, on average, 45 minutes to say goodbye,” says lead researcher Dean Hoddle. “That means we spend an average of 18 hours and 45 minutes each year saying goodbye.” “But several respondents in our survey spend up…
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