Posts Tagged ‘Xmas – NYE’
Sydney man posts low quality, obscured fireworks photo taken from his balcony nine kilometres away in Five Dock
POLE POSITION: Instagram users are expressing gratitude after a man posted a grainy, heavily obscured photograph of last night’s fireworks, taken from his balcony in Five Dock, nine kilometres away from Sydney’s CBD. The image was uploaded at 6pm tonight, more than 18 hours after the event. “Thank god for that,” commented one person, brimming with sarcasm. “I’d have no other way of seeing the fireworks.” The photograph, taken on what appears to be a Nokia 3310, was uploaded to Instagram despite the fireworks being visible from thousands of vantage points across the city, or live on TV, or streamed…
Read MoreSydney man begins camping out to secure a spot ahead of the NYE fireworks for 2027
EARLY BIRD: As most Australians wake up today with hefty new year hangovers, one Sydney is up bright and early. Winston McLatchey has begun camping out in a desperate attempt to guarantee a spot to watch the fireworks display for NYE 2027. “I’m fully committed to this,” he says. “It’s going to be a long 12 months out here, but it’ll be worth it.” The 31 year old says next year will be the first time he’ll have a half decent view of the fireworks. “Either way, camping out suits me,” he says. “Especially with Sydney property prices they way…
Read MoreHOUSING CRISIS WORSENS: Sydney’s homeless mistaken for people camping out to watch the fireworks
TENT CITY: Sydney’s housing crisis is on full display this morning with thousands of homeless people cramming harbourside locations and other public spaces. Many mainstream news outlets are mistakenly reporting that these people are camping out for good views of tonight’s fireworks display. “I couldn’t give a shit about the fireworks,” one man camping out at Kirribilli told DBT. “I’ve actually been camping out here for three months already.” Another homeless person sleeping rough in the Domain says she’s only there because she’s spent the last 12 months looking for a rental property, without any success. “This is such a…
Read MoreLocal father excited to find out what he got his daughter for Christmas: Report
MYSTERY SHOPPER: A Sydney father who once again had zero involvement with the selection and purchase of his child’s Christmas gift, is this morning waiting with baited breath to find what out they got. “I pretend to know what the gift is,” he admitted to DBT. “It adds that little bit of extra excitement to the gift giving process.” He says that extra adrenalin is crucial in helping him survive Christmas Day. “I need all the help I can get,” he says. “After another difficult year, I have absolutely no energy for this bullshit.” At press time Steve Jansen’s daughter…
Read MoreWork friends become real friends after doing a line each together at their office Christmas party
WHITE CHRISTMAS: Two corporate drones at a large finance firm snuck away at their work Christmas party last night, and their friendship quickly entered a new phase. Jye Marwah and James Tyson were seen hugging and posing for photos shortly after emerging from a toilet cubicle at the same time. “We had a power chat about who we like, and who we don’t like, around the office,” Jye Marwah told DBT. “It was high quality banter and it’s brought us much closer together. We even discussed the possibility of going into business together one day.” While queuing up for a…
Read MoreFitness First membership card finally getting a decent workout on New Year’s Day
STAYING POWER: A Fitness First membership card is being put to good use today, after months of lying dormant. “My new year’s resolution is to go to the gym more,” says Rose Bay man Dane Ward. “But for now my membership card is being used for other important things.” Dane Ward and his friends are using the card repeatedly today to neatly rack lines at an impromptu New Year’s Day gathering. After several jokes about the irony of using a gym membership card in this way, Dane Ward and the group have entered their 18th hour of continuous debauchery. “I feel…
Read More“NYE is the worst, I’m just going to stay home & chill,” says man who hasn’t been invited anywhere yet
OPEN TO OPPORTUNITIES: As Sydney gears up for a night of countdown chaos, a local man is proudly proclaiming his plans to stay home and watch the fireworks on the ABC. “I’m so over the whole NYE thing,” Felix Johns told DBT. “It’s so overrated. Too much noise, too crowded and too expensive. I’m all about a quiet night in.” But friends of the 31 year old tell a very different story. They claim he’s been covertly trying to get information about everyone’s New Year’s Eve plans, and even trying to secure an invite somewhere… anywhere. “He’s been checking his phone…
Read MoreTime Out Sydney says the best thing to do on NYE is take a sleeping pill & go to bed at 10.30pm
KNOCKOUT BLOW: Popular lifestyle magazine Time Out has just released its guide for New Year’s Eve in Sydney, and it’s a big departure from the usual fanfare of fireworks, parties and Harbour cruises. “Save yourself a lot of anxiety, money and time by staying home this New Year’s,” says the magazine. “Put 2023 to bed by taking a sleeping pill at 10.30pm.” Time Out acknowledges its recommendation this year is unconventional, but says it’s aimed at avoiding crowds, overpriced drinks and the logistical nightmare of getting home. “Honestly, do yourself a huge favour,” says the publication, which is known for…
Read MorePM announces instant deportation of anyone who was at Bronte Beach on Christmas Day, unless they come back to help clean up
CLEAN UP OR PACK UP: Australia’s Prime Minister has made a brief appearance during his summer break to issue a bold threat to any revellers who were at Bronte Beach on Christmas day. “Effective immediately, any tourist, backpacker, or random Santa-hat-wearing Aussie who appeared in social media footage from Christmas at Bronte has 24 hours to return and help clean up,” says Anthony Albanese. “Otherwise, say your goodbyes—you’re on the next flight out!” The unprecedented threat follows widespread condemnation of some 15,000 revellers who transformed Bronte Beach from a postcard paradise into a giant junkyard. Council rangers arrived yesterday to…
Read MoreLocal man googles “photo of positive RAT test” as perfect excuse to avoid Xmas lunch with the in-laws
HOME & HOSED: A Sydney man is resorting to fraudulent tactics to avoid Christmas with his in-laws. “I went last year and it was just too punishing,” says Raymond Cross. “So I’m telling them all, including my wife, that I have covid.” The 31 year old told DBT he’s been planning this for weeks. “Last year I tried telling my in-laws I have a badly sprained ankle, but they said to still come and just rest on their couch.” “But nobody questions the spicy cough, so I think I’m home and hosed.” The only downside, he’ll have to keep up…
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