Posts Tagged ‘Xmas – NYE’
Fitness First membership card finally getting a decent workout on New Year’s Day
STAYING POWER: A Fitness First membership card is being put to good use today, after months of lying dormant. “My new year’s resolution is to go to the gym more,” says Rose Bay man Dane Ward. “But for now my membership card is being used for other important things.” Dane Ward and his friends are using the card repeatedly today to neatly rack lines at an impromptu New Year’s Day gathering. After several jokes about the irony of using a gym membership card in this way, Dane Ward and the group have entered their 18th hour of continuous debauchery. “I feel…
Read MoreSydney man begins camping out to secure a spot ahead of the NYE fireworks for 2026
EARLY BIRD: As most Australians wake up today with hefty new year hangovers, one Sydney is up bright and early. Winston McLatchey has begun camping out in a desperate attempt to guarantee a spot to watch the fireworks display for NYE 2026. “I’m fully committed to this,” he says. “It’s going to be a long 12 months out here, but it’ll be worth it.” The 31 year old says next year will be the first time he’ll have a half decent view of the fireworks. “Either way, camping out suits me,” he says. “Especially with Sydney property prices they way…
Read MoreEastern suburbs man applies to go on Survivor after an hour of camping in the Domain to watch the NYE fireworks
THE GREAT OUTDOORS: A short camping stint in the heart of Sydney’s CBD surrounded by thousands of people has triggered hopes of reality TV stardom for one Coogee man. “We got to our location to set up camp at about 1pm today,” says Shaun Tanner. “I’ve never been camping before, and to be honest it wasn’t easy.” “Out here in the wilderness, the Wi-Fi signal is patchy at best.” He and his friends still have another 10 hours of camping before the fireworks begin. “It’s been pretty gruelling so far,” says the 29 year old. “I’m not even sure I’ll…
Read More“NYE is the worst, I’m just going to stay home & chill,” says man who hasn’t been invited anywhere yet
OPEN TO OPPORTUNITIES: As Sydney gears up for a night of countdown chaos, a local man is proudly proclaiming his plans to stay home and watch the fireworks on the ABC. “I’m so over the whole NYE thing,” Felix Johns told DBT. “It’s so overrated. Too much noise, too crowded and too expensive. I’m all about a quiet night in.” But friends of the 31 year old tell a very different story. They claim he’s been covertly trying to get information about everyone’s New Year’s Eve plans, and even trying to secure an invite somewhere… anywhere. “He’s been checking his phone…
Read MoreLocal man hires private investigator to find out what his friends are doing on New Year’s Eve
FOMO: With only one day to go before New Year’s Eve, a Sydney man is taking drastic and desperate steps to uncover how his friends arespending the big night. “I haven’t been invited anywhere yet,” Dan Borger admitted to DBT. “But I suspect there is a party happening.” To find out, the 31 year old has hired a private investigator to track suspicious group chats, analyse social media patterns and conduct covert surveillance. So far the investigator has spotted one of Dan’s friends at a party supply store purchasing 50 sparklers and a crate of champagne. “He’s also found a…
Read MoreTime Out Sydney says the best thing to do on NYE is take a sleeping pill & go to bed at 10.30pm
KNOCKOUT BLOW: Popular lifestyle magazine Time Out has just released its guide for New Year’s Eve in Sydney, and it’s a big departure from the usual fanfare of fireworks, parties and Harbour cruises. “Save yourself a lot of anxiety, money and time by staying home this New Year’s,” says the magazine. “Put 2023 to bed by taking a sleeping pill at 10.30pm.” Time Out acknowledges its recommendation this year is unconventional, but says it’s aimed at avoiding crowds, overpriced drinks and the logistical nightmare of getting home. “Honestly, do yourself a huge favour,” says the publication, which is known for…
Read MorePM announces instant deportation of anyone who was at Bronte Beach on Christmas Day, unless they come back to help clean up
CLEAN UP OR PACK UP: Australia’s Prime Minister has made a brief appearance during his summer break to issue a bold threat to any revellers who were at Bronte Beach on Christmas day. “Effective immediately, any tourist, backpacker, or random Santa-hat-wearing Aussie who appeared in social media footage from Christmas at Bronte has 24 hours to return and help clean up,” says Anthony Albanese. “Otherwise, say your goodbyes—you’re on the next flight out!” The unprecedented threat follows widespread condemnation of some 15,000 revellers who transformed Bronte Beach from a postcard paradise into a giant junkyard. Council rangers arrived yesterday to…
Read MoreHOUSING CRISIS: Sydney’s homeless mistaken as people out celebrating Christmas
LIVING ROUGH: Sydney’s housing crisis was on full display yesterday with thousands of homeless people cramming beaches and other public spaces. Many mainstream news outlets are mistakenly reporting that these people were out enjoying Christmas Day. “I couldn’t give a shit about Christmas,” one man camping out at Bronte Beach told DBT. “Honestly, it’s the last thing on my mind. I’ve actually been camping out here for three months already.” Another homeless person at Bondi Beach yesterday says she’s only there because she’s spent the last 12 months looking for a rental property, without any success. “This is such a…
Read MoreLocal father excited to see what he got his daughter for Christmas: Report
MYSTERY SHOPPER: A Sydney father who once again had zero involvement with the selection and purchase of his child’s Christmas gift, is this morning waiting with baited breath to find what out they got. “I leave gifting entirely up to my highly efficient wife,” Steve Jansen admitted to DBT. “I pretend I know what the gift is, but the truth is I have absolutely no idea.” “It adds that little bit of extra excitement to the gift giving process.” He says that extra adrenalin is crucial in helping him survive Christmas Day. “I need all the help I can get,”…
Read MoreLocal man googles “photo of positive RAT test” as perfect excuse to avoid Xmas lunch with the in-laws
HOME & HOSED: A Sydney man is resorting to fraudulent tactics to avoid Christmas with his in-laws. “I went last year and it was just too punishing,” says Raymond Cross. “So I’m telling them all, including my wife, that I have covid.” The 31 year old told DBT he’s been planning this for weeks. “Last year I tried telling my in-laws I have a badly sprained ankle, but they said to still come and just rest on their couch.” “But nobody questions the spicy cough, so I think I’m home and hosed.” The only downside, he’ll have to keep up…
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