Posts Tagged ‘Covid Theme + Already run’
Rose Bay Woman Finally Feels First Impact Of Covid, As Chargrill Charlie’s Runs Out Of Roast Chicken
FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS: An eastern suburbs woman shopping for tonight’s dinner has been exposed to the hurt and suffering of the pandemic for the very first time. Sandra Turner was devastated to learn that supply chain issues had led Chargrill Charlie’s to completely run out of roast chicken. “What do you mean you’ve run out of chicken?” she yelled at the shop assistant. “You’re literally a chicken shop! Get your fu*king act together.” The angry Rose Bay mother of two says she never thought she’d feel the impact of covid first hand. “I cant believe it’s now finally affecting me…
Read MoreGeneric Chat About Covid With Colleague On First Day Back At Work Enters 50th Minute
COVID BANTER: Despite spending most of their break stressing about covid-19, two office workers have again found themselves deeply entrenched in a conversation about the pandemic. “So how was your Christmas break, did you get covid? hahah,” one worker asked their colleague who sits at a desk nearby. “No, but literally everyone else I know has it,” replied the other. As their first depressing day back at work at a Melbourne law firm gets underway, there are no signs the conversation will come to an end. “So did you manage to find yourself any rapid antigen tests?” one asked. “I…
Read More“I’m Not Going Out Tonight Due To Covid,” Says Man Who Wasn’t Invited Anywhere
HOME ALONE: For a second consecutive year, Neil Blunden is spending New Year’s Eve at home, alone. “Case numbers are exploding,” says the 38 year old. “I don’t want to risk it. That’s why I’m staying in again this year.” But one of his oldest friends has revealed the real reason Neil isn’t going out tonight. “It’s a bit awkward to be honest. He’s been working hard behind the scenes trying to get invited somewhere without any luck,” Sam Marsh told DBT exclusively. “Now all of a sudden he’s saying to people he’s not going out due to covid.” Neil Blunden…
Read MoreMan Who Posted Covid Data Screenshot To His Insta Stories Awarded Pulitzer Prize For Journalism
DATA HACK: Sydney’s Reece Withers has been awarded journalism’s most prestigious prize for posting the daily covid numbers to his Instagram stories. “NSW Health would like to thank Mr Withers for his commitment to sharing important public health information,” said Premier Dominic Perrottet. “We need more people doing this so the broader public can be informed and updated.” It’s the first time the Pulitzer Prize has been won by someone who isn’t a journalist. “Actually, I’m just a random person who took a screenshot of the NSW Health website and posted it to my instagram stories,” Reece Withers told DBT.…
Read MoreLocal Cocaine Users Overwhelm State Government’s Free Nose & Sinus Clearing Service
BACKED UP: Cocaine users around Sydney are turning out in droves to take advantage of the state government’s new complementary nose and sinus clearing service. “It’s great to see NSW Health offering this important service,” says one regular cocaine user. “They obviously see that we have a problem and are trying to rectify it.” The nose clearing clinic at Bondi in Sydney’s east is proving particularly popular, with wait times up to four hours. “It was a bit uncomfortable having those rods stuck up my nose, but they cleared me right out and now I’m totally ready for this weekend,”…
Read MoreNSW Premier Unveils Mental Health Support For Those Trying To Fit Into Jeans After Lockdown
TIGHT SQEEZE: Mental health experts say there’s growing anxiety and uncertainty being felt by those who are trying to wear jeans for the first time since the end of lockdown. “I’ve been wearing nothing but pyjamas and activewear for the last four months,” says local woman Rachel Varcoe. “But I tried on my jeans this afternoon and they didn’t fit. Not even close.” And she’s not alone. “That’s why the NSW government is committing $4.4 million dollars to telehealth and counselling services for those trying on their jeans again,” says Premier Dom Perrottet. The NSW Department of Health says the…
Read MoreIntroverts Launch Petition Calling For Permanent Ban On Kiss, Hug & Handshake Greetings
SOCIAL DILEMMA: A group of Sydney introverts have started an online petition calling for a permanent end to kiss, hug and handshake greetings. “It’s actually nothing to do with Coronavirus,” says group manager Lyle Tookley. “We just think physical greetings are awkward and totally unnecessary.” The ‘No Kiss No Shake’ petition has so far been signed by 400 introverts, since their campaign began on Wednesday. “To be honest, concerns about how to appropriately greet people used to be enough to prevent me from going out at all,” says Lyle Tookley. “I’ve really enjoyed having the Covid-19 crisis as an excuse…
Read MoreMan Who’s ‘Too Scared Of Covid’ To Return To The Office, Has Been Out Partying Every Night This Week
COVID EXCUSE: As many Sydney workers begin returning to their offices, others are trying to continue working from home. Finance worker Carl Roberts has told his boss he’s ‘worried about covid and would like to keep working remotely.’ But separately he’s admitted to DBT that he’s been out drinking at the Coogee Pavilion every night this week. “Freedom Day turned into Freedom Week, hahah” he told our reporter. “I’m not actually worried about covid. I’m just using it as an excuse to avoid the office.” And he’s not alone. Paralegal Samantha Boyd says working from home gives her the perfect…
Read MoreFREEDOM DAY: Punchbowl Man In Red Ferrari Currently Doing Laps Of Double Bay
VROOM VROOM: Double Bay’s streets have roared back to life today, with hundreds of expensive sports cars returning to the harbour side suburb after lockdown. “How good is Freedom Day!?” said one Ferrari driver from Punchbowl in Sydney’s west. “I haven’t left my LGA for four months!” And he’s not alone. Several other high performance vehicles are currently revving their engines as they do laps of Double Bay’s exclusive cafe strip. “I was hoping it might be a bit busier here today,” said another driver from Smithfield, as he busily looked around to see if anyone was checking out in…
Read MoreFREEDOM DAY: Pub Goers Realise That Drinking With Friends On Zoom Is More Fun & Convenient
FACE TIME: Pubs in NSW flung open their doors for the first time in four months today, but many patrons say they are left feeling underwhelmed. “I forgot what a hassle it is to get all dressed up and drive to loud, smelly, dirty pubs,” says one woman. “I wish I just stayed home to be honest.” Other pub goers say conversations with friends didn’t come as easily as they did while on Zoom chats. “The stakes are so much higher when you’re sitting face to face with someone. It can get awkward, especially when you have such loud music…
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