“If we wanted to fly with politicians, we’d book economy!” Eastern suburbs residents outraged over PM’s Qantas upgrades
HIGH FLYERS: Residents of Sydney’s affluent east are up in arms over news the Prime Minister received complimentary upgrades on Qantas flights. The idea of sharing a cabin with a politician has sent shockwaves through the community, who fear their travel sanctuaries are being invaded by the very people they prefer to keep at arm’s length. “First, they meddle with our property investments, and now they’re encroaching on our business and first class cabins,” lamented one Double Bay man at Sydney airport today. “I mean, Anthony Albanese was a housing commission kid! It’s just not on!” Some frequent flyers are…
Read More“Sugar is toxic!” claims Bondi personal trainer shortly after having his 8th line today in the bathrooms at Fitness First
BOOGER SUGAR: A Sydney personal trainer and self proclaimed health guru, is adding his voice to a school of thought that ‘sugar is toxic.’ Mike Yarwood-Small is well known for lecturing all his clients about sugar’s harmful effects on the metabolism. “Obesity and heart disease aside, recent studies also show evidence linking sugar consumption with breast cancer,” he told DBT. “I won’t go near the stuff, unless it comes naturally in fruits or milk etc.” But his health advice appears at odds with the fact that he spends around $2k per week on cocaine and other drugs, which he consumes…
Read MoreMan who hasn’t exercised in years chooses busiest day of Sculpture by the Sea to go for a topless run on the Bondi to Bronte path
PERFORMANCE ART: It wasn’t just the beautiful artwork attracting attention today at the annual Sculpture by the Sea exhibition. As visitors slowly navigated the overly congested Bondi to Bronte pathway, they were also forced to contend with a topless runner, dangerously weaving his way through the crowds. “It was pretty frustrating to be honest,” one art lover told DBT. “He came around a corner and almost knocked me off the track and down the cliff face near Mackenzies Bay.” Onlookers were left to wonder why the man chose the busiest morning of Sculpture by the Sea to run on the…
Read MoreBarry’s Kings Cross now employing a ‘door bitch’ to ensure gym goers are attractive enough
NUMBERS GAME: The Barry’s Bootcamp gym in Sydney’s Kings Cross has begun turning away clients based on their looks. “Barry’s Bootcamp is not just a gym, it’s a lifestyle,” says gym manager Jay Thomas. “We need to make sure we are attracting the right crowd.” The popular fitness franchise is now using a nightclub style ‘door bitch’ to enforce a strict door policy. “I won’t let anyone in who isn’t at least an 8.5 out of 10,” says Sarah Willox, who also works as a door bitch at Cargo Bar. “A guy tried to get into Barry’s yesterday, his body…
Read MoreRaygun applies to do a PhD in modelling after appearing on the front cover of Stellar Magazine
STUNNING AND BRAVE: Former break dancer Raygun has announced a career transition after appearing on the front cover of lifestyle and fashion title Stellar Magazine. After her controversial break dancing appearance at the Paris Olympics, the 37 year old from Hornsby has just applied to do a PhD in modelling at Macquarie University. “I’ve already been picked to appear as a model next year’s Victoria’s Secret show, as well Paris Fashion Week,” she told DBT. Critics say the selection processes might be rigged. “She didn’t even appear on Australia’s Next Top model, and now all of a sudden she’s on…
Read MoreDouble Bay woman only allowing her child to wear clothes and play with toys that match the home’s decor
NEUTRAL TONES: In a bold move that’s raising eyebrows even among her style-conscious neighbours, A Double Bay resident has committed to dressing her toddler exclusively in beige clothing and providing only beige toys, all to maintain the seamless aesthetic of her meticulously designed home. Emma Masters, a self-proclaimed “aesthetic perfectionist,” believes that a harmonious colour palette is essential not just for interiors but for every aspect of home life. “My daughter Ruby is allowed to wear other colours while out, but at home she sticks to the strict beige only colour scheme for all her clothes and toys.” says Ms…
Read MoreKing Charles finally takes some much-needed downtime, as he sparks up a spliff back at his hotel room
HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS: After a rigorous few days of touring Canberra and Sydney, King Charles has finally taken a moment to relax. In an exclusive photo obtained by DBT, the 74 year old Monarch can be seen toking on a healthy and well-rolled spliff. “Fuck all this touring does my head in,” he reportedly told his wife Queen Camilla. On the fourth and final day of the royal Australian visit, King Charles and Queen Camilla attended several events including a BBQ in Parramatta, an event at Admiralty House, and a meet and greet at the Opera House this afternoon. “I…
Read MoreVacant car space at Bondi Beach mistaken as art installation at Sculpture By The Sea
ART IMITATING LIFE: In a humorous case of mistaken identity, a vacant car space in the carpark at Bondi Beach has been mistaken as a sophisticated art installation during the annual Sculpture by the Sea event. “Wow, that’s super cool,” one onlooker said. “I’ve never seen anything quite like it.” Some people said they thought the installation was a minimalist piece of art about urban isolation. Others thought it was a commentary on the scarcity of parking spots in the bustling Bondi Beach area. Little did they know it was an actual vacant space. “It’s nice, it’s different, it’s unusual,”…
Read More#BREAKING: Visiting King Charles and Queen Camilla fail to get a table at Totti’s Bondi
NOT FIT FOR A KING: King Charles and Queen Camilla were unceremoniously turned away today from Totti’s Bondi, a popular Italian eatery on Bondi Road. “Sorry your Majesty, we are booked out till April 14 next year,” the door girl said. “It’s really difficult to get a table here, even for non-celebrities.” The Royals were visibly disturbed about the rejection. “Fuck this place,” Queen Camilla was overheard saying to her husband. “Let’s just go to the Corner House or something.” Royal commentators say the Totti’s snub will feature on news outlets all around the world, and will reflect badly on…
Read More#BREAKING: Kings Charles & Queen Camilla seen combing Westfield Bondi car park, after losing track of where they parked
ROYAL PAIN IN THE ARSE: Even royalty isn’t immune to the trials and tribulations of modern life. King Charles III and Queen Camilla were spotted meticulously combing through the multi-level car park of Westfield Bondi Junction after losing track of where their car was parked. The royal couple arrived in Sydney last night, and got up early this morning to go shopping. “I heard Westfield Bondi Junction was the place to go,” Queen Camilla told DBT. The Royals, with their driver and security, visited several stores within the centre, including Australian fashion retailer Kookai and Rebel Sport. It’s understood they…
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