After successfully crying at a press conference today, the Prime Minister has handed his empathy coach James Fitzgibbon a 3.5% pay rise.
“James has done some excellent work teaching me method acting and showing me how to shed a tear on command,” says Scott Morrison.
“It wasn’t easy, but I think I’ve got the hang of it now. All I have to do is think about that time I shat myself at Maccas.”
The PM broke down in tears today describing his wife, mother and daughters as “the centre of his life” as he described the “crap” women have put up with all their lives.
Spotted at lunch a short time ago, Scott Morrison and his empathy coach were seen shaking hands as they agreed on the terms of the pay increase.
“You really nailed it today Scott,” says the empathy coach. “I love the way you weaved in your own family like that. Brilliant work.”