PM announces next stage of national fuel security plan: Only downhill driving allowed

GOING DOWNHILL FAST: The Prime Minister has just announced that Australia is entering the third stage of the National Fuel Security Plan, as supplies dwindle further after yesterday’s oil refinery fire in Geelong.

“These are not easy decisions, but they are necessary ones,” Anthony Albanese told reporters this morning.

From next week Australians will only be permitted to drive downhill, with their cars in neutral.

“If your intended destination is located uphill, then frankly that trip will need to be reconsidered,” says the PM.

“For too long, we’ve all taken it for granted that they can simply point a car in any direction and burn through a tank getting there.”

Anyone caught driving on flat land or uphill will be fined $186.

Police, government and emergency vehicles will be exempt from the new rules.