Nation’s boomers in disarray, as Kochie’s retirement means they won’t know what to think anymore

AT A LOSS: It’s the news many Australians were simply not prepared for.

Today veteran Channel 7 host David Koch announced that he is quitting Sunrise, and it’s triggered mass confusion and hysteria among the nation’s boomers.

“It’s very unsettling to be honest,” says one 68 year old. “I still don’t know how to use the internet so I get all my news and views from Sunrise.”

David Koch is well known for his no nonsense approach to offering life advice on everything from finance to breastfeeding.

“This will be the first time in decades that I’ll have to form my own views on anything,” another boomer told DBT. “Kochie has guided me through my last 20 years.”

In response to the crisis, the federal government says it’s introducing a ‘Post-Kochie help line,’ offering counselling services to help boomers navigate the ‘Kochie-less’ world.