#BREAKING: Tropical Cyclone Alfred downgraded to a mainstream news media clickbait conspiracy

MEDIA STORM: In a twist even the most dramatic weather forecasters didn’t see coming, Tropical Cyclone Alfred has been downgraded to a mainstream news media clickbait conspiracy.

After days of frenzied warnings and frantic panic buying, it turns out Alfred will be nothing more than a tropical low by the time it makes landfall this morning.

“We saw online traffic across all our news sites jump 4000%,” says one media executive.

“Honestly it was a fantastic result, and our coverage is not over yet!”

Weather forecasters now say Cyclone Alfred is “actually just a mildly damp drizzle.”

The news comes as a welcome relief to many on Australia’s east coast who had feared the cyclone as an apocalyptic tempest.

“What a relief,” said one Gold Coast man. “I’d already finished all my snacks.”

“Now I can go back to Coles and Dan Murphy’s and re-stock.”