Australian students are defending their poor results in global tests, after failing for the first time to exceed the OECD average in maths.
“Yeah I know MAFS,” says one student. “It’s one of my favorite reality TV shows. Love Island is pretty good too actually.”
New results from the Programme for International Student Assessment (PISA) tests show Australian students are also performing at record low standards in reading and science.
In a written statement to DBT, one student wrote:
“Theirs no problem with our educashion. I learn everything I need to know by watching hours of YouTube every day.”
The results show Australian students are lagging behind their African counterparts who are often on the verge of starvation and learn in outdoor ‘class rooms’ in the Sahara desert.
Local teachers concede that changing name of PE to PDHPE (Physical Development Health & Physical Education) does nothing to change the fact that it’s “all utter bullshit.”
“The $20 billion funding boost we got is not enough,” says one teacher. “We need more money to educate students on important topics like gender fluidity and social media etiquette.”
More to come.
