Regular MDMA & cocaine user with severe head cold refusing to take Codral

HARD PILL TO SWALLOW: After a few weeks of heavy partying, Linley Marsh has tried almost everything to help cure her severe flu. She’s testing negative for Covid, but has been bed-ridden for the last week. And despite being unable to speak with a raw sore throat, she’s stubbornly rejecting offers of conventional cold relief. “No way, get that Codral away from me,” Ms Marsh told DBT. “It has pseudoephedrine and god knows what else in it. That stuff can really fry your brain!” Her reluctance toward even a single tablet of over the counter medication comes despite her regular…

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HOWZIT BRU: Man maintains thick South African accent, despite coming to Australia as a baby, in 1978

JUST NOW: A 46 year old Sydney man has miraculously maintained his South African accent, despite only living overseas briefly as a baby. Gavin Michaels came to Australia from Cape Town when he was only one year old, and he’s been living in Sydney’s east ever since. “I’m not actually sure why I have this accent still,” says the Dover Heights resident. “It’s just the way I speak. Some things you cant change.” But accent experts are questioning how he still carries the accent so strongly. “If he came to Australia when he was 18 or older, then I’d understand,”…

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‘Working on a new project, but can’t say much yet!’ says woman who paid for a photo shoot

SOFT LAUNCH: A local woman has taken the first brave step in her career as an entrepreneur. Nikki Brenner hired a professional photographer to get a range of headshots of herself. “I can’t believe this is actually all happening now,” says Brenner. “I’ve been dreaming about this stuff for years.” The 28 year old says she has a few business ideas “in the pipeline,” including a skin care line, an innovative dating app, and a sustainable plastics company. “I’m also considering becoming an influencer. I’m not 100% sure which way I’m going to go, but I’m getting all my headshots…

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Business coaches now outnumber business owners: Report

HUSTLE CULTURE: A new report has confirmed a rapid and worrying expansion in the number of people offering ‘business coaching’ services. The Australian Bureau of Statistics analysed census data to find the number of business coaches now outnumbering business owners. “Data shows 544,978 Australians listing their primary occupation as ‘business coach,’ compared to 521,235 ‘business owner,’” says the ABS’s Simon Tyson. The influx of coaches comes as increasing numbers of failed start up entrepreneurs decide they’ve got what it takes to post videos of themselves spruiking generic business advice. “The reality is that if they were really that good at…

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Local woman updates Instagram bio to ‘wellness expert’ after buying a bottle of ‘Voss’ water

THE FULL BOTTLE: A Sydney woman has taken the next brave step toward being considered a health & well-being thought leader. After recently taking up yoga, Julia Burgess has cemented her lifestyle choice with the purchase of a bottle of Voss water. “I’m so excited,” she told DBT. “The last few months have been a transformation journey for me.” The 29 year old has celebrated the milestone by updating her Instagram bio to; ‘wellness expert.’ It’s understood she’s now carrying the heavy bottle of Voss water everywhere she goes, even while out partying on the weekends. “The water comes from…

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Misleading & deceptive: Bondi Junction man claiming to live in ‘Bondi’

IMPOSTER: It’s the one question Jye Coulman always loves being asked: “Where do you live?” His answer always comes quickly and enthusiastically: “I live in Bondi.” But an investigation by DBT has revealed the 29 year old actually lives more than 3 kilometres away from Bondi. His apartment in Ebley street lies deep within Bondi Junction’s borders – a 2 minute walk to the Westfield centre – but a 30 minute walk from Bondi Beach. “Oh whatever, ‘Bondi’ & ‘Bondi Junction’ are basically the same things,” claims Coulman. “The ‘Junction’ part is nether here nor there.” “Besides, I’m always at…

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People Who Text; ‘I’ll Be There In 5 Mins’ Arrive On Average 1.5 Hours Later: Report

NOT SATIRE: It’s among the most commonly used phrases in the English language, but its real meaning remains shrouded in mystery. The term ‘I’ll be there in 5 mins’ has rapidly gained popularity as time pressed mobile users text friends with an estimated time of arrival. But researchers say the term is inherently misleading. “Our study has found most people who use the phrase end up arriving on average 90 minutes later,” says Carl Linden from the University of NSW. “In many cases they don’t show up at all.” The researchers questioned a random sample of 2000 people about their…

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Bald Man Accused of Cropping Facebook Profile Pic To Exclude Top Of Head

CROP TOP: A Brisbane man is accused of intentionally cropping his Facebook profile photo to exclude the top of his bald head. It’s understood Simon Harvey started losing his hair 5 years ago, at the tender age of 26. “Ever since then, he’s also been wearing hats, even on overcast days,” says one of his friends. “He’s also now begun wearing sunglasses on the top of his head.” With all of Simon Harvey’s Facebook photos set to private, his profile photo remains the only glimpse into how he looks these days. But the IT worker says he has nothing to…

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Double Bay woman dumps boyfriend after he moved to Randwick

HEARTBREAK: A Double Bay woman has ended her 18 month relationship with a man who moved from Paddington to Randwick. “We had a great relationship,” says Ali Roonan. “I’m definitely going to miss him.” The 24 year old says the 6 kilometre distance between Double Bay and Randwick has proven too much. “I wouldn’t date anyone who lives south of Bondi Junction,” she says. “I don’t consider Randwick part of the eastern suburbs.” It’s understood her now ex-boyfriend’s place in Randwick is more than $50 a week cheaper than where he used to live in Paddington. “He tried to convince…

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Old Friendship Now Consists Solely Of Tagging Each Other In Memes

Two local men say their friendship is as strong as ever, even though they haven’t spoken in six years. Old mates Harry Rollo and Phil Shoebridge say their friendship now consists entirely of tagging each other in memes on Facebook and Instagram. “One of us will tag the other and there might be a few follow up comments between us also,” says Harry Rollo. “It works well.” The pair finished school together ten years ago. They refute claims their friendship is not as strong as it was when they would also call, text and even see each other face to…

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