Posts Tagged ‘Sydney summer’
Sydney man instantly regrets getting on friend’s boat after realising he’ll be stuck there for four hours amid dwindling small talk and 30-degree heat
SINKING FEELING: A local man has had a mini meltdown today shortly after stepping onto a friend’s boat and realising there would be no socially acceptable way to leave for at least four hours. Mark Delaney says his regret set in approximately 90 seconds after departure, as the conversation stalled at, “So yeah… busy week?” “It’s 30 degrees, but I won’t swim as the harbour is shark infested and I’m honestly wondering what the hell I’m doing here,” he told DBT via a phone interview. “Someone even just came up to me and said: ‘Day for it.’” After 30 minutes, Delaney…
Read MoreMan sets up his cabana on Campbell Parade to reserve himself a parking spot for planned visit to Bondi Beach tomorrow
LAND GRAB: A Darlinghurst man has sparked outrage after setting up a full beach cabana and two folding chairs in a vacant Campbell Parade car space. “I’ll just leave it set up here until I decide to come to the beach tomorrow,” Marcus Graham-Swift proudly told DBT. “It’ll save me at least 3o minutes driving around looking for a half decent parking spot.” The move has drawn criticism from motorists, local residents, and senior political figures, including the Prime Minister, who described the plan as “deeply un-Australian.” “Campbell Parade parking is there for everyone, not just people with a cabana…
Read More#BREAKING: Woollahra Council announces Camp Cove Beach will now only be available to residents of Watsons Bay and Vaucluse
BEACH BOUNCERS: Woollahra Council has tonight confirmed new access arrangements for the exclusive Camp Cove Beach at Watsons Bay. Council rangers are now monitoring entry points to the beach, only allowing in people who are residents of either Watsons Bay or Vaucluse. “It’s a small beach and there is already way too much demand on it,” says a council spokesperson. “We need to keep out the riff raff.” A DBT reporter was on hand this afternoon to witness a Rose Bay resident being rejected by a council ranger. “Mate you live in Rose Bay. You have no chance,” said the council…
Read More#BREAKING: Sydney family finally realise it was a hot day, after watching the 6pm news
OLD MEDIA: A Sydney family of three watching the evening news were shocked to find that today was in fact very hot. “Wow, I didn’t realise,” said the father, Damian De Silva. He said the news provided crucial clarity on weather conditions he and his family had been experiencing since approximately 7am this morning. “It’s really important to stay up to date with current events, that’s why I watch the evening news,” he says. “I particularly appreciated the live cross from the local swimming pool. Very innovative reporting.” His wife Sarah told DBT she suspected it was a hot day…
Read MoreSutherland Shire man with speaker on full volume has no doubt everyone at Camp Cove wants to hear Tiesto from 2007
AH THE SERENITY: A Cronulla man visiting one of Sydney’s most relaxing and picturesque harbour beaches says his decision to bring a portable speaker and blast dated dance music was “exactly what everyone needed.” Dean Tanner arrived at Camp Cove just after 1pm today. “I could immediately tell everyone at the beach was crying out for some proper tunes,” he told DBT. “They were all just lying in silence, reading books, having quiet conversations with their friends and families, it was completely dead.” So he turned on his speaker and played his favorite album; Tiesto. ‘Elements of Life’ from almost 19…
Read MoreSydney man refusing to leave his Noosa hotel room, because there’s way too many people he knows at the pool
SELF-IMPOSED EXILE: It was meant to be a relaxing family holiday in Queensland, but it’s quickly turned into a nightmare for one 28 year old Rose Bay man. Dan Haber is staying at a popular Noosa resort with his parents and brother, but it’s already day two of the trip and he’s yet to leave the room. “There’s way too many people I know here,” he told DBT in an exclusive phone interview. “I can see them all at the pool from my window. It’s like Woolworths at Rose Bay.” DBT understands Dan Haber’s parents have been trying to coax…
Read MoreWoolworths announce tough new limit on how many mangoes shoppers can squeeze before committing to one
SQUEEZE QUOTA: With mango season in full swing, Woolworths today announced that shoppers will be limited to squeezing no more than three mangoes before making their selection. “So for example if you’re shopping with one other person, you can squeeze 6 mangoes between you,” says a Woolworths spokesperson. The supermarket giant says the new limit aims to ease heavy congestion of shoppers around its mango sections. “Our internal data shows the average customer is squeezing 5.3 mangoes per visit,” says the spokesperson. “People are just taking way too long to choose, and often they squeeze too hard, spoiling the fruit.”…
Read MoreWaverley Council installs mirrors on the Bondi to Bronte path, so walkers can check how they’re looking
TIME FOR REFLECTION: The Bondi to Bronte coastal walk in Sydney’s east is well-known as a great place to be seen, now the local council is ensuring walkers can also see themselves. “After much community consultation, we’re pleased to complete the installation of more than 80 full-length mirrors on the 4 kilometre stretch of picturesque coastline,” says Waverley Mayor Rob Draper. The move has left fitness enthusiasts rejoicing. “It’s great because I bump into so many people I know on the path,” says Bondi to Bronte regular Hannah Tunks-Marello. “Before the mirrors, I used to get really insecure about bad…
Read MoreSydney man announces he’s no longer accepting any new friends, unless they own a boat
FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS: After living in Sydney’s eastern suburbs for his entire life, Steve Christo has cemented a strong friend group. The 32 year old has previously said he’s not open to any new friendships, but today he’s admitted to making one bold exception. “If they own a half decent boat, they’re a good chance,” he told DBT exclusively. “I don’t need any more brunch buddies. I need someone who can take me to Shark Island for an afternoon swim.” “Ultimately I’d like to end up on a boat on NYE for the fireworks. We’ll see..” As summer fast approaches,…
Read More#BREAKING: Waverley Council approves weekly crop-dusting of spray tan over Bondi Beach
GLOW UP: As summer fast approaches, Waverley Council has announced a new initiative to give beach goers a golden glow, without having to spend hours in the sun. “Not everyone can afford regular spray tan sessions at $70 a pop, so we’re levelling out the playing field,” says a council spokesperson. Starting next week, light aircraft will fly over Bondi, dropping a fine layer of spray tan onto the beach and surrounding areas. “The Bondi spray tan crop dusting will take place every Saturday between 2.30pm and 3.00pm,” says the spokesperson. “We kindly ask all people in the area to…
Read More