MAFS introduce new relationship challenge: One hour of furniture shopping together at Moore Park Supa Centre

PUSHED TO THE BRINK: In an unexpected twist, Channel Nine has unveiled the latest high-stakes test for its MAFS couples: surviving an hour of furniture shopping at the Moore Park Supa Centre. “We’ve done the romantic getaways, the intimacy challenges, and the dreaded family dinners,” explained MAFS expert John Aiken. “Now we’re turning up the heat and pushing relationships to breaking point to see if they can survive.” Couples will roam the endless aisles of ottomans, bed frames, and questionable décor choices without losing their sanity, or each other. Armed only with a tape measure and their own relationship insecurities,…

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Men on MAFS somehow yet to understand they need to rank their partner 1st in the photo challenge, regardless of how hot they are

“It’s not an honesty challenge, it’s an IQ challenge,” says expert John Aiken. PHOTO CHALLENGED: Men on MAFS are still struggling to comprehend a fundamental rule of the show’s photo task, in which the cast are asked to rank other cast members of the opposite sex, in order of physical attractiveness. “After eleven seasons of the show, you’d think they’d have worked it out by now,” MAFS expert John Aiken told DBT. “In reality the photo task is not an attractiveness test. It’s an IQ test, and year after year men fail dismally.” Last night saw MAFS cast member Ryan…

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#BREAKING: MAFS producer sacked after trying to match a couple who may actually be well suited

MAFS BOMBSHELL: A behind the scenes producer on Married At First Sight has been unceremoniously dumped from the show. Nine Network executives gave Mark Rundle his marching orders after he tried to do something entirely unheard of on MAFS – matching a couple who might actually be well suited to each other. “This is a direct breach of our tried-and-tested formula of pairing contestants with wildly incompatible partners for maximum on-screen drama,” one Nine executive told DBT. During the casting process for the show, producer Mark Rundle says he stumbled upon two contestants who shared common interests, values, and even…

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Harrison from MAFS announced as new brand ambassador for Gaslight Pharmacy, Rose Bay

NAMESAKE: After a tumultuous time on Married At First Sight, 33 year old Harrison Boon became well-known for his gaslighting tactics. But despite that, the manipulative groom has managed to secure a lucrative sponsorship deal with a popular local chemist. “I’m new new face of Gaslight Pharmacy in Rose Bay,” Boon told DBT. “I’m super proud to be joining the team.” A day after the final episode of the hit reality TV show went to air, Harrison Boon was seen in a suit outside the pharmacy, welcoming customers.  “I’m still hoping to land an endorsement deal with a major sporting brand like…

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Australia’s peak science body demands the Nine Network stop calling MAFS an ‘experiment’

LAB RATS: Australia’s peak science body issued an ultimatum to the Nine Network. The CSIRO is demanding Nine stop referring to its toxic reality TV show, Married at First Sight as an ‘experiment.’ “We believe this is a misleading and deceptive way to describe the show,” says a CSIRO spokesperson.  “There is no science involved, and certainly no experiment. It’s more like straight up torture, for both the cast members and the audience.” MAFS claims to involve matching strangers based on complex compatibility assessments conducted by relationship experts, who say the word ‘experiment’ every few seconds. But in reality its…

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Federal government launches helpline for people who talk about MAFS in social situations

TRASH TALK: The Prime Minister is today expressing ‘grave concern’ for people who discuss Married At First Sight while out socialising. “I don’t have a problem with people watching the show, but talking about it with friends, colleagues and even strangers is unacceptable,” says Anthony Albanese. “These people clearly need help. That’s why the federal government has set up a new 24 hour helpline.” The MAFS hotline is staffed by qualified counsellors, working around the clock from a large call centre in Sydney’s west. “It’s a free call to the helpline, and callers can remain anonymous if they wish,” says…

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#BREAKING: Dion From MAFS Now Dating Show ‘Expert’ Alessandra Rampolla

LAST LAUGH: After being brutally betrayed on national television, Dion Giannarelli is making an impressive comeback. The 34 year old, who was cheated on during the latest season of Married At First Sight, has today revealed exclusively to DBT that he’s now dating MAFS ‘expert’ Alessandra Rampolla. “It’s a pretty good result to be honest,” Dion told our reporter. “My MAFS wife was a lying, cheating pain in the arse. And, Alessandra is way hotter haha.” Dion’s time on MAFS came to an end this week after his wife Carolina finally revealed she’d been secretly seeing another contestant for two…

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Bondi Actor Gets Big Break Playing The Waiter On MAFS Who Says ‘Dinner Is Served’

A struggling Bondi actor has landed a role on one of Australia’s highest rating TV shows. Daniel Rocca is appearing on the 8th season of Married At First Sight.. but not as one of the contestants. “I’m the waiter who briefly comes on just before every dinner party and says: ‘Dinner is served.’ The NIDA trained actor, who has also done 4 levels of theatresports at Improv Australia, says the job is harder than it looks. “You have to know the perfect time to say the line, right at the peak of contestant conflict at the pre-dinner drinks,” he says.…

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Network Which Banned Ellen For Being ‘Toxic,’ Still Totally OK To Run MAFS

The Nine Network has taken the moral high ground today, pulling The Ellen DeGeneres Show from its on-air line up, amid ‘toxic workplace’ allegations. But the move is being labelled as ‘hypocritical,’ given Nine will continue to air the trashiest and most vile show in the history of television, Married At First Sight. “The sexual misconduct allegations at The Ellen DeGeneres seem completely trivial and innocent when compared to what happens on MAFS,” says media analyst Mark Hirst. “MAFS is riddled with abuse, deception and cheating, and the saddest part is, that is the entire point of the show!” Married…

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