Sydney now officially so lifeless and dull, the most exciting thing to do is get up at 4am to celebrate a new train line

TRAINSPOTTING: Sydney’s reputation as a boring and clinical – yet overly expensive city – has been confirmed yet again.

Yesterday, thousands of people turned up at Sydenham Station in the wee hours of the morning to celebrate a new train line.

“I set my alarm at 3.30am to be here,” said one reveller. “How good!”

“This is the most exciting thing to happen to me in Sydney since the lockout laws were first introduced.”

As the first train rolled out, half-asleep attendees cheered, highlighting the city’s desperate cry for more lively attractions.

“This is literally the highlight of my social calendar for 2024,” said one man.

“It’s either this, or sit at home and watch TV. I can’t afford anything else.”