A Fitness First membership card is being put to good use tonight, after months of lying dormant in a Sydney man’s wallet.

“I haven’t been to the gym in months because of Covid,” says Dane Ward. “But I never remember to take my membership card out of my wallet.”

Dane Ward and his friends are using the card repeatedly tonight to rack lines of coke at a local house party.

“I feel sensational, physically and mentally,” says Ward. “Much better than I ever did during, or after, a workout at Fitness First haha.”

After several jokes about the irony of using a gym membership card to rack lines, Dane Ward and his friends have now entered their 5th hour of continuous debauchery.

“Fuck this, I’m never going back to a gym ever again,” says Ward. “Covid, or no covid, I just cant see it happening.”

More to come.