The Catholic Church in Australia is in damage control this afternoon, after news that Cardinal George Pell was found guilty of sexually abusing children 22 years ago.
In response, the Church has announced that all children under 15 years old will qualify for a free lollipop if they attend services.
“It’s the least we can do,” says spokesman James Murray. “Young people are the lifeblood of our church. We love having them around.”
The offer is valid for the next 6 months at all Catholic Church services around the country.
“We are good people,” says James Murray. “Yes, there are a few bad apples, but please give us a second chance. We’re confident free candy is a great way to lure young people to church.”
The offer is limited to one lollipop per child.