In Focus
“How good are public holidays!? I really needed a day off,” says local trust fund recipient who hasn’t had a job since 2009
BURNOUT: A Paddington man says today’s public holiday has come at the perfect time, after what he describes as “a pretty full-on few months” of lunches, short breaks and low-level social fatigue. “It’s just nice to finally switch off,” Mark...
Slightly cooler weather marks local man’s seamless transition from wearing Birkenstocks every single day to R.M. Williams every single day
SOLE SEARCHING: A Double Bay man has put his Birkenstocks away for another six months, as cooler Autumn weather sets in. "I wear my Birkenstocks every single day from October till the end of March, and then my R.M. Williams...
“OMG I never see your stuff on Instagram anymore..!?” says old friend who muted your posts and stories back in 2019
MUTE POINT: Local woman Arabella Wentworth-Pike has been left stunned after bumping into an old friend who claimed she’d “completely disappeared” from Instagram. "I haven't seen you in ages!" said the friend. "And I never see you on Instagram either....
“I can’t believe petrol is now more than $2 a litre,” says local man who paid $700 for two bags on Saturday night
DRUG FUELLED: A Sydney man is venting his frustration about record fuel prices as the war in the Middle East continues to threaten oil supplies. While filling up his tank today at Rushcutters Bay, Jasper Doogle-Worsley accused Australian oil companies...
“I’ll be down for whatever,” says eastern suburbs friend who requires; easy parking, perfect weather, to be within 5km of home and three days notice.
DEFINITELY MAYBE: A Bondi woman has once again declared she is “down for anything,” despite her friends saying she's virtually impossible to make an arrangement with. While speaking to a friend on the phone today, Claudia Hensley-Peters made the bold...
Local man’s fragile ego fully restored after his ChatGPT caricature adds a strong jawline, flawless smile and full head of hair
AI SLOP: A Sydney accountant has finally found the validation he's been seeking: an AI-generated image that gives him everything his genetics did not. Derek Pemberton's ChatGPT caricature has portrayed him with a chiseled jawline, bright white teeth and a...
#BREAKING: Fitness First Kings Cross steps in to host Mardi Gras party in its steam room
SWEAT IT OUT: After the shock cancellation of this year's Mardi Gras party, Fitness First Kings Cross has announced it'll host an party in its steam room. "When one door closes another opens," says a Fitness First spokesperson. "Our steam...
ICE agents now detaining random Minnesota residents to make them watch the new Melania documentary
SCREENING PROCESS: Federal immigration authorities have confirmed a new “temporary holding and cultural awareness initiative” that requires randomly selected Minnesota residents to watch the new Melania Trump documentary. "If they have U.S citizenship, they will be released after they sit...
2016 throwback challenge deemed a failure in Sydney’s east, as everyone looks exactly the same now as they did back then
STUCK IN TIME: A viral social media trend has spectacularly backfired in Sydney's east, with the '2016 throwback challenge' proving impossible for residents who appear to have been cryogenically preserved for the past decade. The challenge asks participants to post...
#BREAKING: Woollahra Council announces Camp Cove Beach will now only be available to residents of Watsons Bay and Vaucluse
BEACH BOUNCERS: Woollahra Council has tonight confirmed new access arrangements for the exclusive Camp Cove Beach at Watsons Bay. Council rangers are now monitoring entry points to the beach, only allowing in people who are residents of either Watsons Bay...
