Posts by DBT
#BREAKING: Bill Shorten Demands Immediate Vote Recount Of 2019 Australian Federal Election
Former Labor Party leader Bill Shorten is attempting to re-write history today, calling for an immediate recount of votes in the 2019 Australian federal election. Shorten lost that election to Scott Morrison, with the coalition claiming a two-seat majority, with 77 seats, while Shorten’s Labor finished with 68 seats. “That election was fraudulent,” says Shorten. “We didn’t have meaningful access to several counting locations to observe the opening of ballots and the counting process.” Shorten admits his calls for a recount of the 2019 election have been inspired by Donald Trump’s calls today for a recount in the US Presidential…
Read MoreBec Judd Tells News.com.au US Election Result Still Too Close To Call
With Democratic supporters around the world bracing for victory in the US election, news.com.au has sought expert analysis from its go-to commentator Bec Judd. In an ‘exclusive’ interview, the AFL WAG says the election is still too close to call. “We’ll have to wait to see how the next few hours play out,” says Judd. “It seems to me that Pennsylvania is the key state to watch.” The former model and TV presenter told news.com.au she’ll be wearing a black flowing Witchery evening dress while watching today’s coverage on Channel Nine. “Just sitting back and watching the election play out…
Read More#BREAKING: Egg Boy Attacks Trump
Australia’s favourite political activist has made a surprise international debut. A short time ago, Will Connolly – also known as Egg Boy – launched an attack on the US President at a rally in Michigan. The photo above, obtained by DBT, shows Egg Boy employing a similar technique as his infamous attack on Fraser Anning early last year. “He came in from behind while filming Trump on his mobile phone,” says one onlooker. “Then he smashed an egg on his head.” Egg Boy was quickly wrestled to the ground by the President’s security team amid loud cheers from the crowd.…
Read MoreLatest Polling Shows US Election Will Definitely Be Won By A Creepy, Old, White Man
With just two days before the US election, swing voters are now finally turning their attention to who they want as the next President. “Their options are extremely limited,” says Pollster Rick Mather. “It’s literally a choice a between two creepy, old, white guys.” And with both sides of politics focused on discrediting each other – rather than offering actual policy initiatives – the party differences appear even smaller. The latest polling shows that more than half of all Americans are backing Democrat Joe Biden to beat the incumbent Donald Trump. “History shows that there might be a late swing…
Read More“I’ll Open QLD To Sydney Now, If Next Year’s NRL Grand Final Is Played In Brisbane”: Palaszczuk
Fresh from her election victory yesterday, the Queensland Premier she’s ready to start negotiating on borders. Annastacia Palaszczuk is now keen to finally open the QLD border to Sydneysiders, “as long as the NRL agrees to hold next year’s grand final in Brisbane.” The Queensland Premier says: “if the NRL can commit to an agreement now, I’ll open the border tomorrow.” Palaszczuk’s ploy is about bringing money into Queensland, and it’s similar to her securing to the AFL grand final in Brisbane last month during Victoria’s Covid lockdown. “I’m keen to start negotiating with the NSW Premier,” says Ms Palaszczuk.…
Read MoreQLD Premier Says Border Will Open To Sydney When The Broncos Win Another Premiership
With voting set to open in the Queensland election today, the state’s Premier has made a last minute election promise. “The Queensland border will remain closed to all Sydney residents until the Brisbane Broncos bring home another NRL Premiership,” says Annastacia Palaszczuk. The election pledge has been welcomed by many Queenslanders, but tourism officials and Rugby League commentators say Ms Palaszcuk is “kidding herself.” “The last time the Broncos won the NRL grand final was in 2006,” says Gus Gould. “At this rate Sydneysiders won’t be able to get into Queensland until 2034.” Yesterday Annastacia Palaszczuk said Queensland will open…
Read MorePip Edwards Requests Artist Add Instagram Filter To Archibald Entry
A young Melbourne artist has been left heartbroken after being asked to add an instagram filter to her Archibald Prize entry. The portrait’s subject Pip Edwards made the request, saying the artwork made her look “too old.” “It’s such a bad depiction of me, I look so much younger and hotter than that,” says the Bondi fashion businesswoman. “I’m thinking maybe the Lo-Fi filter would work well?” But the request was met on deaf ears, with the artist submitting the piece to the competition filter-free. “As if I’d put an Instagram filter on it, what a joke!” says the artist…
Read More#BREAKING: Gladys Berejiklian’s Ex-Boyfriend Announced As New CEO Of Australia Post
The career of former disgraced politician Daryl Maguire has received a major lifeline today, after being announced as the new CEO of Australia Post. “I’m focused on continuing the transformation and modernisation journey that Australia Post has been on over the last decade,” says Maguire. The former NSW Liberal Party MP recently fronted the Independent Commission Against Corruption over allegations he used his public position for personal and financial gain. The ICAC hearing was thrust into the public spotlight amid revelations Maguire had a secret personal relationship with the NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian. Australia Post has also recently been put…
Read MoreTrump’s Approval Rating Soars To 81% After He Reads The Figure Upside Down
The US President’s bid for four more years in the White House received a sharp but short-lived boost today. In the oval office, Donald Trump read the latest presidential polls as showing him with a 81% approval rating. “I knew winning this election would be easy,” he told his staff. “But I didn’t think it would be this easy.” But White House insiders later told DBT the President was holding the approval figures upside down, leading to the mistake. “We didn’t want to ruin the moment for him, so we decided against telling him that his actual approval rating is…
Read More‘North Face’ Ask Daniel Andrews: “Can You Please Stop Wearing Our Jackets?”
A heated stoush is developing between popular outdoor adventure clothing brand ‘The North Face’ and the Victorian Government. Since the start of the Coronavirus pandemic, the state’s Premier Daniel Andrews has regularly been wearing North Face jackets. Today, the popular US brand has formally requested he stop doing so. “Firstly, dealing with the pandemic has absolutely nothing to do with outdoor adventure sports,” says a North Face spokesperson. “And more importantly we don’t want our brand associated with Daniel Andrews.” But the Victorian Premier – who announced a major easing of Covid restrictions today – told DBT he has no…
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