Ray-Ban Announce Joe Biden Sponsorship Deal

Popular sunglasses maker Ray-Ban has announced a new sponsorship deal with USA’s President-elect Joe Biden. “Joe is a fighter and he’s a winner,” says Ray-Ban’s marketing director Lee Steele. “He’s a man of action and he’s the perfect ambassador for our brand.” Ray-Ban says Biden has agreed to wear their aviator sunglasses at every “outdoor public appearance,” but the exact terms of the deal remain confidential. “It’s not too dissimilar to all the political donations the political parties receive,” says Lee Steele. “We give them money and they do what we want. (laughs)” Ray-Ban was founded in 1936, only six…

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Elderly American Man Loses Job & Gets Evicted From House After Contracting Covid-19

An elderly American man has been left unemployed and homeless after breaking social distancing rules while infected with Covid-19. “It’s a complete overreaction,” says the 74 year old. “I plan on fighting my employer for unfair dismissal. I also have no plans to leave my house.” But the man – who initially denied the seriousness of the Coronavirus – acknowledges that going for a drive while he was meant to be in hospital isolation might have been a mistake. “In hindsight, I should have been more respectful of social distancing rules,” he says. “It’s ended up costing me dearly.” With…

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Trump Accuses Golf Partner Of Tampering With The Scorecard

Donald Trump was causing drama on the golf course today, accusing one of his playing partners of cheating. “You’re writing down my numbers wrong on purpose,” Trump was heard saying. “Can we at least find someone who can keep my score properly?” The altercation took place between the defeated yet still sitting president, and a Republican official on a golf course in Virginia today. “I got a five on the last, not a six,” Trump said. “Look at the scorecard? This game is rigged!” But witnesses say Trump’s own shot count didn’t include his air swing in the bunker. It…

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Sky News Announce Launch Of New Channel Dedicated To Trump’s Election Legal Challenge

Australia’s conservative 24-hour news service has launched a brand new channel, dedicated entirely to covering Donald Trump’s election legal challenge. “Channel 659 will be similar format to the dedicated channel we launched recently for Covid-19,” says Sky News commentator Andrew Bolt. “We’ll be closely following the hundreds of law suits filed by the Republican Party, alleging voter fraud in the 2020 US Presidential election.” The launch of the channel comes despite the vast majority of political commentators saying Trump’s legal challenge will be quickly dismissed by the courts. It also comes as millions of Democratic supporters around the world celebrate…

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Trump Mistakes A Covid Map For An Election Results Map

The US President remains defiant in the face of adversity. As the Republican Party braces for a Presidential election loss, the country is also grappling with a record number of Covid-19 cases. It comes as Donald Trump makes the ultimate blunder, mistaking the nation’s latest Covid map, for what he thought was an election results map. “Wow, look at all those red states,” the US President told a room of journalists at the White House. “Voters all around this great nation love me. They want me for another four years.” The truth tells a very different story, with Joe Biden…

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#BREAKING: Bill Shorten Demands Immediate Vote Recount Of 2019 Australian Federal Election

Former Labor Party leader Bill Shorten is attempting to re-write history today, calling for an immediate recount of votes in the 2019 Australian federal election. Shorten lost that election to Scott Morrison, with the coalition claiming a two-seat majority, with 77 seats, while Shorten’s Labor finished with 68 seats. “That election was fraudulent,” says Shorten. “We didn’t have meaningful access to several counting locations to observe the opening of ballots and the counting process.” Shorten admits his calls for a recount of the 2019 election have been inspired by Donald Trump’s calls today for a recount in the US Presidential…

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Bec Judd Tells News.com.au US Election Result Still Too Close To Call

With Democratic supporters around the world bracing for victory in the US election, news.com.au has sought expert analysis from its go-to commentator Bec Judd. In an ‘exclusive’ interview, the AFL WAG says the election is still too close to call. “We’ll have to wait to see how the next few hours play out,” says Judd. “It seems to me that Pennsylvania is the key state to watch.” The former model and TV presenter told news.com.au she’ll be wearing a black flowing Witchery evening dress while watching today’s coverage on Channel Nine. “Just sitting back and watching the election play out…

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#BREAKING: Egg Boy Attacks Trump

Australia’s favourite political activist has made a surprise international debut. A short time ago, Will Connolly – also known as Egg Boy – launched an attack on the US President at a rally in Michigan. The photo above, obtained by DBT, shows Egg Boy employing a similar technique as his infamous attack on Fraser Anning early last year. “He came in from behind while filming Trump on his mobile phone,” says one onlooker. “Then he smashed an egg on his head.” Egg Boy was quickly wrestled to the ground by the President’s security team amid loud cheers from the crowd.…

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Latest Polling Shows US Election Will Definitely Be Won By A Creepy, Old, White Man

With just two days before the US election, swing voters are now finally turning their attention to who they want as the next President. “Their options are extremely limited,” says Pollster Rick Mather. “It’s literally a choice a between two creepy, old, white guys.” And with both sides of politics focused on discrediting each other – rather than offering actual policy initiatives – the party differences appear even smaller. The latest polling shows that more than half of all Americans are backing Democrat Joe Biden to beat the incumbent Donald Trump. “History shows that there might be a late swing…

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“I’ll Open QLD To Sydney Now, If Next Year’s NRL Grand Final Is Played In Brisbane”: Palaszczuk

Fresh from her election victory yesterday, the Queensland Premier she’s ready to start negotiating on borders. Annastacia Palaszczuk is now keen to finally open the QLD border to Sydneysiders, “as long as the NRL agrees to hold next year’s grand final in Brisbane.” The Queensland Premier says: “if the NRL can commit to an agreement now, I’ll open the border tomorrow.” Palaszczuk’s ploy is about bringing money into Queensland, and it’s similar to her securing to the AFL grand final in Brisbane last month during Victoria’s Covid lockdown. “I’m keen to start negotiating with the NSW Premier,” says Ms Palaszczuk.…

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