Posts by DBT
#BREAKING: Australia’s PM Threatens To Suspend Tim Tam Exports To China
An escalation of tensions between Australia and China could result in a fully fledged trade war between the two countries, analysts say. Today Scott Morrison has threatened to suspend exports to China of Australia’s most valuable export. “We need to send a signal to China that we wont be bullied,” says Scott Morrison. “China can probably do without our iron ore, but let’s see how they go without Tim Tams.” It comes in response to China banning imports from six Australian beef suppliers. Beijing has also imposed prohibitive tariffs on Australian barley and wine, and delayed the unloading of Australian…
Read More‘Borat’s Daughter’ Forced To Self-Isolate After Rudy Giuliani Tests Positive For Covid-19
The actress who played the role of Borat’s 15 year old daughter in ‘Borat Subsequent Movie Film’ has been forced to self-isolated after her close encounter with Rudy Giuliani. In the film, Maria Bakalova posed as a journalist interviewing Giuliani, before leading him into a hotel room, where he reclined on a bed and put his hands down his pants. “It was a very close encounter,” says the 24 year old Bulgarian actress. “If he had Covid when we were filming, I’m certain he tried to give it to me.. the Covid, I mean.” Rudy Giuliani denies doing anything inappropriate…
Read MoreAnti-Discrimination Groups Call For The ‘Great White Shark’ To Be Renamed The ‘Great Shark’
One of the ocean’s deadliest predators is now being targeted by anti-discrimination groups. They want the Great White Shark to be renamed the Great Shark. “We believe the time is right to remove the word ‘white’ from the shark’s name,” says campaigner Simon Hodgson. “It’s 2020 and the current name is offensive.” The shark species was originally given its name because of its white underbelly, but Simon Hodgson says the name is in breach of the Anti Discrimination Act. “There’s a risk the current name implies that things which are white are more likely to be great,” he says. “An…
Read MoreChinese Communist Party Posts Job Ad For An ‘Internet Troll’
The Chinese Communist Party (CCP) is on the hunt for an internet troll, as China’s tensions with Australia continue to erupt. In a job ad posted to online job site Seek, the CCP says its looking to employ a ‘content creator with experience in producing spicy political memes.’ “The new staff member would work as part of our fast-growing propaganda unit here in Beijing,” says China’s Foreign Ministry Spokesman Zhao Lijian. “Our internet trolling job is a great opportunity for a content creator with fresh ideas.” The job ad comes after China posted to Twitter a meme using a fake…
Read MoreScott Morrison Posts Fake Photo To Twitter Of Wuhan Lab Worker Making Covid-19
Australia and China’s diplomatic tensions have escalated after Scott Morrison posted a doctored photo of a Wuhan Lab worker making Covid-19. China’s Communist government has labelled the image “repugnant” and “deeply offensive.” “I can’t believe The Australian PM would sink so low as to tweet an inflammatory and fake photo like that.” says China’s President Xi Jinping. “Is he a teenage social media troll or something? We have asked Twitter to remove the image immediately.” The true source of the Covid-19 outbreak remains unknown and the subject of an international inquiry. Scott Morrison’s tweet comes after China’s Foreign Ministry Spokesman…
Read MoreChinese Official Posts Photo Of Scott Morrison Taking Dump At Engadine McDonalds
China has unveiled a never before seen photo of Scott Morrison taking a dump at Engadine McDonalds in 1997. China’s Foreign Ministry spokesman Zhao Lijian posted the photo a short time ago on Twitter. “This photo was taken shortly after Australia’s PM soiled himself at McDonalds,” Zhao Lijian captioned the photo. “He was scrambling to recover from the embarrassing incident.” But Scott Morrison claims the photo is fake, and has demanded Twitter remove it. “I never shat myself at Engadine Maccas,” says Scott Morrison. “I’ve also never even taken a dump there in the toilets. China ought to be ashamed…
Read More‘Emily in Paris’ Is A Cliche Portrayal Of France, Says Hipster Buying Croissants At Redfern Coles
Fashion-focused comedy drama ‘Emily in Paris’ is grabbing the attention of Netflix subscribers around the world. But one man from inner Sydney says he was bitterly disappointed by the series. “Its portrayal of Paris is so stereotypical,” says Redfern’s Drew Murphy. “I hate it how modern media is constantly placing people and places in nasty little categories.” Shortly after buying Home Brand croissants from his local Coles supermarket, the 31 year old told DBT that Paris “is so vast and complex, with a web of cultural and historical depth.” He says he visited the French capital for two days while…
Read More#BREAKING: Woman Who Replied ‘Maybe’ To FB Event Invite, Actually Shows Up
More than 20 people have been left stunned this afternoon when one of their friends arrived at a BBQ. Isabelle Fisher had RSVP’d as a ‘Maybe’ on the event’s Facebook page. “I’m so glad I could make it,” she shouted as she arrived and hugged the host. “I thought potentially I might have a family event on today.” But it remains unclear if Ms Fisher was actually just hedging her bets incase something better came up. “We’ll never know if this ‘family event’ was ever a real thing,” says party host Craig Sutcliffe. “Normally when someone replies ‘Maybe’ it’s just…
Read MoreInnovative Man Posts Screen Shot Of Weather App To Instagram
Instagram followers of Joe Terrone won’t need to check their weather apps today. The 26 year old has taken the ingenious step of sharing a weather app screen shot to Instagram. “I just thought it would be a useful thing to share,” says the Erskenville man. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone else do that before.” As Sydney battles its way through a 39 degree heatwave, Joe Terrone’s Instagram followers friends say they’re grateful for the weather update. “It’s good to know someone is across the weather forecast for today,” says one of his followers. “His post was really…
Read MoreMan gets ‘Namaste’ tattoo after buying six class pack to Surry Hills yoga studio
A Surry Hills man has taken the brave step of getting the word ‘namaste’ emblazoned on his chest, after discovering an interest in yoga last month. “When I started doing yoga during Covid, my life changed forever,” says Dean Marshall. “Yoga is not a lifestyle, it’s a life.” ‘Namaste’ is a Hindu greeting, meaning ‘I bow to you’. It’s commonly used by yoga instructors at the end of class. “When I first heard my instructor say it I felt so uplifted,” says Marshall. “I could feel something change in my soul.” “I wanted to hold onto that moment forever by…
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