Posts by DBT
Heartbreak: ‘My High School Crush Added Me On FB, But Turns Out She’s Just A Pyramid Seller’
A local man is telling of the heartbreaking moment he realised his high school crush was only getting in touch to try sell him essential oils. “I hadn’t seen Judy in nine years,” says Brad Farah. “But last week she added me as a friend on Facebook, and for second I thought I was in.” But his elation was short lived, as he accepted the friend request and began perusing her Facebook profile. “It was inundated with posts and photos about Doterra essential oils,” Farah told DBT. “It was literally a pyramid selling shop front.” The 28 year old says…
Read MoreMan Proposing ‘Amalfi Beach Club’ At Bondi Gets Rejected By Doorman At Ravesis
The man behind a controversial push to set up an Italian-style beach club on Bondi Beach has been dramatically denied entry into Ravesis. Janek Gazecki was turned away from the Campbell Parade hotel just after midday today, as he tried to enter the venue for lunch. “I’m sorry sir, we are full,” said the doorman, to which Gazecki replied: “Don’t you know who I am?” When the doorman said “no,” Gazecki swiftly replied: “I don’t care, this place is shit anyway, I prefer venues with a more traditional Italian coastal vibe.” A group of onlookers also attempting to enter Ravesis…
Read MoreDouble Bay Man Buys R.M. Williams After Spending One Night At Bowral Airbnb
A local man has purchased a pair of R.M Williams after spending one night at a family wedding in the Southern Highlands town of Bowral. “I loved it down there,” says Daniel Mason. “I’ve never lived on a farm before, but staying there made me feel very connected to rural Australia.” The 23 year old stayed the night in an Airbnb in the town centre. “I rarely leave the eastern suburbs, so it was a bit weird at first, but I enjoyed getting out of the city. I want to go back to Bowral soon. I’m thinking about riding a…
Read More“It Must Just Be A Bug,” Says Every IT Help Desk Worker With Zero Clue About What’s Wrong
When IT help desk worker Dean Amos was called about a glitch in his company’s accounting software he had absolutely no idea what was wrong. “It must just be a bug, “he said. “There’s not a lot I can do unfortunately. Let’s wait a day or two and see if it sorts itself out.” And Dean Amos is not alone. A new report shows 84% of IT support workers admit to using the phrase ‘it must just be a bug,” whenever they have zero clue about what’s actually happening. “I used it when my work’s website kept crashing,” IT support worker…
Read MoreRegulators Force ‘The Celebrity Apprentice’ To Be Renamed ‘The Apprentice’
Regulators have ordered the Nine Network to rename its reality TV show ‘Celebrity Apprentice.’ After a six year break from Australian TV, the show returned last night, with the ACCC quickly demanding the word ‘Celebrity’ be removed from the show’s title. “We find the word ‘Celebrity’ to be misleading and deceptive,” says the ACCC’s Megan Tilly. The ACCC says 6 out of the show’s 16 cast members’ main claim to fame is appearing on an earlier reality TV show. “That does not make you a celebrity,” says Megan Tilley. “Especially someone like Martha from Married At First Sight.” Regulators say…
Read More#BREAKING: Failed Politician Embraces Human Headline In Desperate Bid For Attention
A deluded, attention-seeking billionaire businessman has plunged to new lows today, announcing a partnership with Israel Folau. Clive Palmer has announced his mining company Mineralogy will sponsor Folau’s return to rugby league with a team nobody has ever heard of: the Southport Tigers. “He may be among the most hated people in Australia, but at least this means I can get back on television,” says Palmer. The former federal MP fronted a press conference today sitting alongside Folau, as both men competed for air time. “I’ll answer that one for you Israel,” interjected Palmer, when a reporter asked Folau if…
Read MoreElon Musk Predicts Tweeting About Crypto Will Get Him Attention For “At Least Another 18 Months”
The world’s second richest person says he’ll continue tweeting about Cryptocurrencies for “at least another eighteen months.” “There’s still a bit of upside left in the crypto market,” says Elon Musk. “But soon I’ll have to start tweeting about other things to seem relevant and stay in the headlines.” The attention seeking billionaire last week sent Bitcoin prices lower after Tweeting that his company Tesla would no longer accept Bitcoin as payment. “Maybe next week I’ll tweet something positive about Bitcoin,” he says. “I don’t actually care about the price, I just want the attention.” Musk is well known for…
Read More67% Of Facebook Users Now Identify As Middle East Experts: Report
A new report shows 67% of Facebook users are now experts in Middle Eastern politics. “We had a fair bit of overlap this year with people who identified as Covid-19 experts,” says lead researcher Thomas Boyle. Mr Boyle’s independent think tank combed Facebook news feeds and conducted qualitative interviews with Facebook users. “There’s a lot of Middle East experts at the moment,” says Thomas Boyle. One Sydney expert agreed to speak to DBT on the condition of anonymity. She says she posted a very convincing 600 word Facebook status update, detailing her vision for peace in the region. “I got…
Read More‘Influencer’ Updates Instagram Bio To ‘News Reporter’ After Posting Selfie Video Outside Ch 7
A local influencer is jumping head first into the news reporting industry. Amber McKinley is filming her own content and posting it as regular news updates on her Instagram account. “Now let’s have a quick look at the markets,” she told her 143 followers. “The all ordinaries index lost 13 points today to 7,239. And I’ll be back for more news at 6pm.” Ms McKinley’s news updates currently consist of just her talking to camera from outside the Channel 7 studios at Martin Place. “But soon I want to do vox pops and have footage of other things,” the 25…
Read MoreLocal Pet Owner Accused Of Prioritising Her Dog’s Instagram Account, Over The Actual Dog
A Sydney woman is accused of neglecting her 2 year old Boston Terrier in favour of the dog’s Instagram account. It’s alleged Alexandra Weir is dressing up her dog, Bobbie, in elaborate costumes, taking copious amounts of photos and then sharing them with the dog’s 3,800 followers. “We’ve been really busy lately,” says the 22 year old dog owner. “The instagram account is really taking off.” But DBT understands that Bobbie is suffering from early stages of malnutrition and hasn’t been walked in 3 days. Animal welfare groups say Instagram dog neglect is a growing problem in Sydney. “Owners are…
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