“It’s so easy to make time for exercise,” says fitness influencer without job, mortgage, children, social life or any other hobbies

JUST DO IT: A Sydney influencer is being accused of misleading her followers, after claiming she juggles a demanding daily schedule to fit in regular exercise. “You won’t achieve your fitness goals by just thinking about them,” Elise Jamison said on a recent video she posted to Instagram. “You need to take control of your time and make it happen!” But an investigation by DBT shows the 28 year old stay at home trust fund recipient has no time constraints whatsoever. “She just hangs out in activewear all day, trialing green smoothie recipes, and filming herself doing exercise,” says one…

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Chinese President joins calls to boycott Woolworths for not selling Chinese-made Australia Day merchandise

STRATEGIC ALLIANCE: In an unexpected twist in international relations, the Chinese President and Australia’s opposition leader Peter Dutton have formed a rare alliance. Both are calling for a boycott of Woolworths over its decision to no longer stock special Australia Day-themed merchandise. “Woolworths’ decision is a devastating blow for China’s low-cost plastic manufacturing sector,” China’s President Xi Jinping told a press conference today. “It threatens to derail already strained relations between China and Australia.” Peter Dutton has told DBT he has a meeting with the Chinese President in Beijing later today. “We are working closely on this issue,” says Dutton.…

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Merivale confirms new Totti’s restaurant to open within the grounds of Kambala girls school

LADIES LUNCH: A popular Sydney restaurant chain is set to open its doors on the grounds of one of the city’s most expensive schools. Early next month, a new Totti’s restaurant will begin trading at Kambala girls school in Sydney’s east. “We want to make the Totti’s dining experience accessible to as many people as possible,” says a Merivale company spokesperson. “And Kambala girls school is already a strong fit with our target demographic.” Totti’s Kambala follows the strong success of other Totti’s venues such as Totti’s Bondi and Totti’s Rozelle. “I can’t wait to go to Totti’s Kambala,” says…

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Vaucluse couple send son to boarding school at Cranbrook so they can avoid the daily traffic on New South Head Rd

TRAFFIC HACK: A Vaucluse couple has raised eyebrows after enrolling their 14 year old son into Cranbrook’s boarding program, despite living only four kilometres from the school. “The traffic every day on New South Head Rd is a nightmare,” says the father Phil Morgan. “It’s going to save us about an hour per day on transport.” The son, Hugo Morgan, gets dropped at school and picked up everyday. “Public transport is not an option for us,” says the father. “Hugo refuses to catch the bus. So boarding school is a great solution.” Hugo – previously a day student at the…

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Man dies of starvation after waiting for half decent option to emerge on the Sushi Train

FEELING PECKISH: In a bizarre and tragic incident, a Sydney man has died this afternoon after blacking out at a local Sushi Train. CCTV footage showed the man in the eatery for 45 minutes without eating anything. His wife, who was sitting alongside him at the time, watched on as his head suddenly slumped down onto the table. “He’s a fussy eater to be fair,” she told DBT. “But he refused to budge unless a grilled salmon nigiri emerged on the Sushi Train.” Doctors at St Vincent’s hospital pronounced the man dead only 19 minutes after he arrived by ambulance at…

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Man back at work uses sign to prevent generic questions about his holidays

CONVERSATION STOPPER: A local marketing executive is going to extreme lengths to stave off generic questions about how he spent his summer holidays. “I desperately want to avoid repeating the same things over and over,” says Steven Hockney. “In fact I don’t want to talk at all.” On his first day back at work today, the 29 year old is holding a sign which he shows to anyone who asks about his holidays. It reads: “Good thanks. I just stayed in Sydney and relaxed.” Steven Hockney told DBT the truth is that his two weeks off were a blur of Tinder dates…

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HOUSING CRISIS: Waverley council now renting out cabanas on Bondi Beach for $250 per night

TENT CITY: The popularity of beach cabanas in Australia comes amid growing awareness of sun safety. But now the open air tents are being touted as a solution to the escalating housing crisis. Waverley Council in Sydney’s east has today announced a new initiative: renting out cabanas on Bondi Beach for a modest $250 per night. “This is affordable beachfront living,” says Waverley Council Mayor Geoff Franks. “You can have your very own slice of Australia’s most popular beach at a reasonable price, and you can stay in your cabana during the day.” With Sydney housing prices continuing to skyrocket,…

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City of Sydney announce plans for new ‘texting only’ walking lanes on local footpaths

STEP IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION: People looking at their phones while walking in Sydney’s CBD will be required to use a ‘texting only’ walking lane, under a new plan announced today by Sydney’s Lord Mayor Clover Moore. Well-known for the introduction of bike lanes throughout the city, Ms Moore says the new walking lanes are an attempt to keep distracted pedestrians from bumping into the rest of us. “This is a step in the right direction,” says Ms Moore. “New data shows that injuries caused by walkers distracted by their phones are rising quickly, with young people most likely affected.”…

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City of Sydney now allowing double parking, but only for luxury four-wheel drives

PARKING PRIVILEGE: Drivers of expensive 4WD’s are welcoming new laws permitting them to double park their vehicles within the City of Sydney local government area, for a maximum of 30 minutes. “The City of Sydney council recognises the unique needs of those behind the wheel of high-end four-wheel drives,” says the council’s press release. “Often they need to quickly pick up dry cleaning, take-away coffees, or they need to drop off children at school.” The new law – partly aimed at easing Sydney’s lack of parking options – is available for vehicles such as Range Rovers, Audi SQ5s, BMW X5s,…

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Bondi man on holiday in Byron Bay, complaining about how many Bondi people are there now

SUMMER GETAWAY: A Bondi man says his holiday to tourist hot spot Byron Bay is being overrun by ‘absolute blow-ins’ from Bondi. “I’m so sick of all these muppets,” says Craig Hawke. “There are yoga instructors, digital nomads, and fashion influencers from Bondi at every turn.” “They’re all so un-chilled, they just walk around all day taking selfies for Instagram and hoping to see Chris Hemsworth.” Craig Hawk says he travelled to the former alternative getaway for some ‘spiritual enlightenment,’ and for a short break from Sydney’s pretentious scene. “But now I’m completely surrounded by it,” he says. “I may…

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