Posts by DBT
#BREAKING: Taylor Swift spotted lining up at the back of the queue outside the Golden Sheaf Hotel for ‘Sheaf Wednesdays’
VIP: One day after her sighting at Surry Hills Italian restaurant Pellegrino 2000, Taylor Swift has tonight been spotted out alone in Double Bay. The global pop icon has joined hundreds of revellers at the Golden Sheaf Hotel, for the popular mid-week event known as Sheaf Wednesdays. “I’ve heard so much about this place,” Swift told DBT. “Apparently they do $7 drinks between 9pm and 11pm.” At 7.30pm, the American singer-songwriter is currently 24th in the queue, with an estimated wait time of 35 minutes. “I just want to blend in with the locals tonight and let my hair down,”…
Read MoreCOST OF LIVING CRISIS: Man who lost his lucrative job as Woolworths CEO, spotted shopping in Aldi
FALL FROM GRACE: In a stunning twist of fate, the outgoing CEO of Australia’s largest supermarket chain has been seen shopping at discount competitor Aldi. Departing Woolworths CEO Brad Banducci was photographed browsing the fruit and veg section at Aldi’s Edgecliff store. “After resigning from Woolworths today, I’m left with no choice but look for cheaper alternatives,” a downbeat looking Banducci told DBT. “The cost of living crisis is impacting all of us, even me.” It comes amid heightened scrutiny of Woolworths and Coles in recent months amid concerns about high inflation and rising grocery prices. “I never realised, but…
Read MoreInstagram introduces new feature allowing users to mute all content relating to Taylor Swift
ANTI-HERO: Social media platform Instagram has responded to growing demand from users to introduce a mute option for any content relating to pop superstar Taylor Swift. “Our AI software can easily identify any photos, videos or text about her, so you don’t have to see any of it if you don’t want to,” says a statement from Instagram. The new feature can filter posts, stories, and even ads featuring Swift or her music, ensuring a Taylor-free browsing experience for those who so desire. It comes as mainstream media and social media is awash with Taylor Swift content as she lands…
Read More#BREAKING: Man at local run club accused of being there for the wrong reasons
BAD INTENTIONS: A popular Sydney run club has been rocked by allegations that one its members, Vinnie Silvani, is not there to find love. “Vinnie is always just running and then leaving,” said one member, “It’s like he’s not even trying to meet anyone.” There are growing fears Mr Silvani may already be in a committed relationship. “He never participates in the social aspects of the club, like post-run brunches or group selfies,” says another member. Speculation is mounting about his true motives. “I actually think he’s there to improve his fitness,” said one of the club’s founders. “I tried…
Read MoreEastern suburbs man goes for drive in heavy rain to help try justify Range Rover purchase
WET WEATHER BANDIT: A sudden storm and continued rain in Sydney’s east this afternoon is proving no obstacle for Peter Simons. The Double Bay man has embarked on a daring mission, driving his $200,000 Range Rover through waters rising up to 3cm in one area next to an overflowing drain. “I specifically purchased my luxury 4WD for days like this,” he says. “It’s interesting to see how it performs in such treacherous conditions. Scary though!” Mr Simons normally uses the car to shuttle his two children to and from school in Bellevue Hill. “And, sometimes I’m forced to go off-road…
Read MoreMan completes transition into his 40’s by spending hours while away on vacation perusing property listings
LUXE LISTINGS: There are growing concerns for a 42 year old Sydney man who has seemingly lost the ability to relax and have fun while on holidays. Like his parents used to do when he was a child, Greg Arnaud has spent large amounts of his Noosa vacation looking at property listings in real estate office windows, despite having zero intention of buying anything. “I used to wonder why mum and dad would spend hours comparing Noosa and Sydney real estate prices, but now I totally get it,” Greg Arnaud told DBT. As news of his real estate obsession spread,…
Read More“I don’t need a special day to show my love for you,” says man who makes zero effort ever
DATE NIGHT: A local man has once again reaffirmed his lacklustre approach toward romance, and his strong opposition to Valentine’s Day. “It’s all just marketing rubbish,” Max Weiner tells his wife every year. “I would never show love for you just because the calendar says it’s a certain date.” However his wife has told DBT he never shows love at any other times either. “In our early years of dating he used to take me to McDonalds on my birthday, but now even that’s dropped off,” she says. The couple are once again staying home tonight to watch MAFS and…
Read More“OMG that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever written to me,” says woman after reading husband’s Valentine’s Day card, generated by Chat GPT
LOVE LANGUAGE: A local man says his marriage has been strengthened by a Valentine’s Day card, written by artificial intelligence. “I used ChatGPT to write the card because I was really in need of some fresh content,” says Lyle Tanner. “We’ve been married for six years so all this lovey dovey stuff has been said so many times before.” The 35 year old asked the AI chat bot to write a 250 word message, but he told his wife he wrote it himself. And the results were spectacular. “OMG, this is literally the nicest thing you’ve ever written to me,” said…
Read MoreMan ‘so humbled’ to win award at work, he wrote a 200 word LinkedIn post about it
HUMBLE BRAG: A LinkedIn user has posted a photo of himself winning an award at a work event, alongside 200 words about how good he is. Paul Barouche won the ‘Best Client Experience’ award at the Australian Mortgage Brokers Industry Association event tonight. “I’m so humbled to win this award,” he wrote. “I’m privileged to manage a team of brilliant and dedicated colleagues.” It’s understood the post was only liked and commented on by people who thought Barouche might one day help them find a job. “Congratulations, well deserved,” commented one man who has never met Barouche, but is reportedly…
Read MoreDriver at Westfield Bondi Junction uses up two hours of free parking, looking for parking
TIME’S UP: A Sydney motorist says he’s been left traumatised after spending two hours in Westfield Bondi Junction car park looking for parking. “I drove from parking level P4, right down to P1 without luck, so then I went over to the upper car park and combed R1 up to R4, and again, nothing.” The Bellevue Hill man says he lost track of time as he navigated his way around the complicated car park. “I think it was after an hour or so I broke out in a small sweat, which made my Boost Juice cravings even stronger,” he says.…
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