Posts by DBT
Sydney fast food outlets busy again, as Mardi Gras diets come to an end
NICE BUNS: Sydney’s Mardi Gras community is slowly getting its appetite back, with fast food outlets McDonalds, KFC and Aporto’s all recording strong sales growth today. After months of exercise and shredding, Mardi Gras diets are now finally coming to an end after last night’s parade and party. “This is the first time I’ve eaten since 3pm yesterday,” says one man having a double bacon cheeseburger meal at Kings Cross McDonalds. “I tried eating a salad and some fruit earlier, but it wasn’t really hitting the spot.” However, for others still at recovery parties, food remains a low priority. “I’m…
Read MoreMAFS expert John Aiken nominated for Australian of the Year after letting Josh leave the show early
MAFS expert John Aiken has been added to the list of nominees of Australian of the Year for 2024. Last night he stepped in to save the emotionally abused MAFS groom Josh from his sex-crazed wife Melissa. “I’m going to do something I’ve never done before,” said Aiken. “I’ve never seen a relationship like this before in the experiment. We’re not going to subject Josh any longer to this.” The intervention came after Josh chose to leave the show, but Melissa chose to stay, meaning they both have to stay. But Aiken bravely broke the rules of the show, allowing…
Read MoreThanking drivers at pedestrian crossings dramatically reduces chance of getting run over: Report
ROAD SAFETY: A new report shows thanking drivers while walking over pedestrian crossings can make you 94% safer. “It’s just a little friendly acknowledgement from the pedestrian, just to make sure they don’t get run over,” says Max Sebel of Road Safety Australia. The research shows pedestrians who don’t wave at drivers are significantly more likely to be the victim of a hit and run. “Even if the car has already come to a complete stop, we recommend offering at least a small wave to all drivers as you walk over a crossing,” says Max Sebel. “Also – if you…
Read MoreWestfield Bondi now offering car park massages, for shoppers exhausted from looking for their vehicles
LIGHT RELIEF: An influx of shoppers spending hours searching for their cars in the Westfield Bondi Junction car park has led centre management to offer help. “Combing the car park on foot without any real clue where your car is can be a tiresome and frustrating experience,” says Westfield’s David Ferrier. “That’s why we are offering massages to enable shoppers to rest, recover and then resume their search.” “There are some massage places in the mall itself, but we thought we’d add one on each level of the car park.” Shoppers say the car park’s size and uniquely random design…
Read MoreSydney University now offering ‘Bachelor of Parking Signs’
SIGN OF THE TIMES: Sydney University has become the world’s first tertiary institution to offer classes on understanding parking signs. “Here at Sydney University, we’re all about innovation,” says the Dean of Parking Sciences, Prof. Richard Clearway. “That’s why we’re excited to release our groundbreaking new field of study. It’s only for the best and brightest students.” The comprehensive three year full-time degree will begin early next month. Students will need an ATAR of 99.95 to be accepted into the course. “I was thinking of doing medicine, but this seems more challenging,” says student Jack Dyson. “My end goal is…
Read More“I’m way more productive working in the office,” says woman in 16th conversation about it with colleagues today
KILLING TIME: A local worker’s time in the office is being dominated by generic banter about working from home vs the office. “I’m just find I’m getting a lot more done in the office,” Linda Grieves told colleagues today in a conversation lasting at least 30 minutes. “And what about you guys?” However further investigation by DBT has found she’s had the exact same conversation with at least 15 other colleagues today. “I enjoy getting all dressed up in corporate clothes, putting on make up and commuting for an hour each way to and from work,” says Ms Grieves. “I…
Read MoreRELIEF: Fresh barrage of reality TV prevents local woman from thinking about her own meaningless life
IDIOT BOX: A local woman has once again taken the bait set by the major commercial television networks. With TV ratings season back in full swing, Sydney’s Jamie Pulver has gone into hiding under a soothing blanket of countless hours of reality TV. “Thankfully with MAFS, Australian Idol and Survivor all starting again, I can continue using this mindless content to distract myself from my own meaningless life,” she admits. “The timing is perfect, as I’ve just finished watching the Bachelors.” The 24 year old says she’ll be spending the next three months, focusing entirely on the lives of people…
Read MoreLocal mum spends $25k on daughter’s 1st birthday party, to impress other parents
TIME TO SHINE: Double Bay mother of 2 Linda Pavlo has come clean on why she spent $25,000 on her child’s first birthday party. “I’ll be honest, I work in event management. So I wanted to show the other mothers how good I am at it. It’s also a great opportunity to flaunt our recent home renovations.” The pink and purple themed party yesterday featured custom balloons and cake, cookie decorating lessons, make-up artists, as well as pony rides in the backyard. The emerging wedding planner also dressed her family in custom matching Christian Dior outfits. “I realise the kids…
Read More“Aussie Aussie Aussie, oi oi oi!” yells man waving 10 cent Australian flag, made in China
“The Australian made flags were a bit too expensive,” he says. AUSSIE PRIDE: Lunch hasn’t even been served, but a Sydney man is already letting loose at an Australia Day BBQ today. “I tried chatting to a few people here but nobody seems to want to talk to me,” admitted Chris Smithers. So, he’s begun aggressively yelling the hardened battle chant; ‘Aussie Aussie Aussie, oi oi oi.’ “I love screaming that at the top of my lungs, ey,” he told DBT. “It’s an easy way to attract attention to myself while at the same time seeming like an Aussie legend.”…
Read More“Call me anytime, I’m here for you” says man with phone on silent and 89 missed calls at 1pm
CAUGHT NAPPING: A local man is under fire today for being uncontactable as his friend tried calling him 89 times, and sending 15 text messages within the space of one hour. Miles Manning was in deep sleep and blissfully unaware his friend was in desperate need of emotional support after being dumped by her boyfriend. “I’m so sorry I missed your calls, I was busy on the other line,” he told his friend four hours later after eventually waking up at 5pm that afternoon. It remains unclear exactly what Mr Manning meant about being ‘on the other line,’ as he…
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