Posts by DBT
Eastern suburbs man applies to go on Farmer Wants A Wife after buying a pair of R.M. Williams
CONCRETE COWBOY: A Double Bay man looking for love is hoping that buying a pair of R.M. Williams will qualify him for Channel Seven’s reality TV show Farmer Wants A Wife. “Working in corporate finance, I rarely get to leave the city to be honest,” Sam Biggs admitted to DBT. “But ever since I bought my R.M. Williams last week from Westfield Bondi Junction, I’ve begun feeling a genuine connection with rural Australia.” The 32 year old, who’s lived in Double Bay his whole life yesterday submitted his application for the next season of the show, in which farmers embark…
Read More#BREAKING: Pauline Hanson calls for name change of Arnott’s ‘Ginger Nut’ biscuits
BISCUIT BROUHAHA: In an address to the senate today, One Nation Leader Pauline Hanson said she’s shining a light on what she calls ‘blatant discrimination.” “It’s a travesty that Coon Cheese is forced into a rebrand, yet Arnott’s Ginger Nut biscuits are allowed to continue trading under their existing name,” she says. “These biscuits are an attack on people with red hair.” Ms Hanson says she regularly feels a victim of discrimination in Australia for having red hair, something made worse by Ginger Nut biscuits. “The brand name of these biscuits is basically a hate crime,” she says. The American…
Read MoreWentworth Courier newspaper now being delivered directly to recycling bins
One of Australia’s most useless local newspapers has announced that from next week it will be delivered directly to recycling bins around Sydney’s east. “Our own research shows very few people actually pick up the Wentworth Courier,” concedes the paper’s publisher, Lyn Wightwick. “Except maybe a few retirees have a read while they’re on the toilet.” Once a powerhouse of real estate advertising, the plastic-wrapped News Corp owned local paper has been battling a tough media climate. The paper has lost its real estate ad revenue to websites that make searching for a suitable home much easier than flipping through…
Read More“It’s so nice to leave the city and get out into the countryside,” says Bondi Junction man walking a lap of Centennial Park
“It also helps justify my man bun,” he says. RURAL RETREAT: In a daring quest for tranquility and a taste of the great outdoors, a Bondi Junction couple has escaped the hustle and bustle of the city by going for a walk in Centennial Park. “I’m so glad we didn’t get sucked into the weekend brunch scene at Bills Bondi again,” said Marc Drake to his wife. “It’s like a whole other world out here.” Armed with nothing more than designer sunglasses and their mobile phones, the couple traversed the park’s vast expanses of grass and trees, marveling at the…
Read MoreRental crisis hits new low: Bondi man offering his own bed as ‘share accommodation’ on domain.com.au
RENT BOY: In a bold move that has redefined the concept of share accommodation, a resourceful Bondi man has listed his own bed as a rental opportunity on domain.com.au. Alex Stern is offering to share his ‘comfortable queen size’ bed in his studio apartment for $300 per week, utilities not included. The ad describes the arrangement as an ‘intimate co-living experience’, and all applicants are asked to submit a photo of themselves. “I’m flexible on price to be honest,” Alex Stern told DBT. “It really depends on the quality of the applicant.” Reactions to the unconventional listing have so far…
Read MoreMerivale unveil new Totti’s wood-fired puffy bread flavoured vape
SMOKE AND MIRRORS: Merivale says it’s aiming to offer the taste of Totti’s famous puffy bread to everyone, even those who are unable to get a reservation at the popular restaurant chain. “Here at Merivale we’re all about inclusion,” says a spokesperson. “That’s why we’re excited to announce the release of a groundbreaking new product: the Totti’s Wood-Fired Bread flavored vape.” Inspired by the irresistible aroma of freshly baked bread wafting from Totti’s famed wood-fired oven, the vape promises to deliver the authentic taste with every puff. “It’s a great option for those who want the taste of Totti’s bread,…
Read MorePremier surprised people are leaving Sydney in droves, despite the closest thing to a half decent night club being a 6am run club
DAWN DISCO: The NSW Premier says he doesn’t understand the mass exodus away from Sydney, despite the city’s extreme cost of living and crippled night-time economy thanks to the lockout laws. Sydney’s night clubs are slowly being replaced by run clubs, as locals are forced to find new ways to socialise. “I used to be out partying till at least 6am,” says one former night club enthusiast. “But these days 6am is when I’m just arriving at run club.” And he’s not alone. Thousands of young Sydney residents are being forced to trade in their dancing shoes for running shoes…
Read MoreKim Kardashian “outraged” and “disgusted” over Princess of Wales photoshop scandal
DIGITAL DECEPTION: In a bizarre turn of events, the world’s most famous reality star says she’s in a state of shock after Catherine, Princess of Wales admitted to digitally altering a family photograph. “The Royal Family are people we are meant to look up to, and yet they are duping all of us,” said Kim Kardashian in an exclusive interview with DBT. Kardashian also provided DBT a photo of herself on the beach to run with this story, but she continues to deny claims that she photoshops her own images. “The key to happiness is being true to yourself and…
Read More“I’m marrying Rupert for his sexy body and good looks,” reports Murdoch press
LEAD STORY: News Corp media outlets around the world are today reporting that it was Rupert Murdoch’s ‘sexy’ body and good looks which lured his sixth wife-to-be. The Australian newspaper quotes Murdoch’s new fiancee Elena Zhukova, 67, saying: “I never thought I’d marry a 92 year old, but when I saw his rig, I couldn’t resist.” “Rupert is such a good looking and compassionate young man.” Another newspaper within the News Corp stable, The Daily Telegraph, is reporting that Ms Zhukova “has no idea” that Rupert Murdoch is a billionaire. “I’ve no idea about his work history,” she is quoted…
Read MoreKEEPING UP APPEARANCES: Westfield Bondi shopper using Kookai bag to conceal items she just bought at Kmart
FASHION FAUX PAS: The eastern suburbs fashion scene is in shock tonight, after a Westfield Bondi Junction shopper was caught red-handed using a Kookai shopping bag to disguise items she bought at discount retailer Kmart. A DBT reporter was on hand at Kmart to witness Kate Medhurst buy a scented candle, a 5-pack of socks and an inflatable unicorn pool float, totalling $10. “At the self checkout, she quickly put the items in the Kookai carry bag and strolled confidently out of Kmart and into the shopping centre,” says our reporter. “I followed her and asked her to show me…
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