Posts by DBT
HARD YARDS: Jogger pretends he isn’t completely rooted as he runs past Margaret restaurant
SHOWTIME: On the verge of exhaustion and close to vomiting, a Sydney runner has managed to pick up the pace as he ran through Double Bay’s busy shopping areas. DBT captured the above photo of Tom Hirst, flashing a fake smile while accelerating past Margaret restaurant, which was full of patrons enjoying a sunny Saturday afternoon. “I was in a world of pain,” he admitted to DBT. “But I dug deep because I know lots of people who regularly go there.” It remains unclear if anyone noticed him, or even cared about his running form in the slightest, but the…
Read MoreHIGH FLYERS: Valium announced as sponsor of Qantas’ new ultra long-haul flights
CHILL PILL: Passengers on Qantas’ new long haul flights will be given a 5mg tablet of anxiety medication Valium, under a new sponsorship deal announced today by the airline. “Flying almost 20 hours non-stop can be a stressful experience for some people,” says a Qantas spokesperson. “That’s why we’ve teamed up with Valium to help provide a more relaxing in-flight experience.” The partnership will see valium branding on Qantas’ Airbus A350s for its long-haul ‘Project Sunrise’ flights from Sydney to London and New York beginning in 2025. But the sponsorship deal has some doctors worried. “Valium is a powerful drug…
Read MoreSYDNEY RENTAL CRISIS: Woman posts bikini selfie on Bondi Local Loop, asking if anyone has a spare room
BARGAINING POWER: The blurry line between neighbourhood Facebook group and dating website, has been crossed yet again. Amid Sydney’s escalating rental crisis, local woman Lou Grace has posted an alluring photo of herself on Bondi Local Loop, with the caption: “Hey beautiful Bondi peeps, I’m looking for a spare room! DM me ASAP. Must be a modern place and close to the beach xo.” It remains unclear if she’s even offering to pay any rent, or if her mere presence is enough. Either way, her post is raising eyebrows. “Try looking on realestate.com.au like everyone else ffs!” replied one Facebook…
Read MoreInstaFit: Fitness First now offering discount memberships to those only using their phones
PHONE PLAN: As recession fears continue to bite, global gym chain Fitness First is offering relief to Australian household budgets. “Our research shows up to 14% of our members come to the gym and are on their phones pretty much the whole time,” says Fitness First CEO Joel Mathers. “So we’re offering am membership discount to those people, provided they don’t use any of our machines, weights or classes.” From next week Fitness First will begin offering its ‘InstaFit’ phone plan for $18 a week, a $7 discount on its regular fee of $25 per week. The plan offers unlimited…
Read MoreLocal man spends entire first date trying to show things on his phone
SHOW & TELL: An insecure man with little personality desperately tried to let his phone do the talking while out on a first date this afternoon at the Tilbury Hotel in Wooloomooloo. A DBT reporter was on hand to witness Ryan Watson spend at least 80% of the time showing his date an assortment of things on his phone. “Here, take a look at my Crypto portfolio,” he said, when asked about his hobbies. “Oh, and you must check out my Spotify playlist.” His date, 25 year old Millie Thompson was unimpressed. “He didn’t ask me one question the whole…
Read MoreWoman uses #DateNight caption on photo with husband to make marriage seem fun
KEEPING UP APPEARANCES: A married woman has attempted to impress her Instagram followers with a photo of herself and her husband Max out for dinner tonight. “#DateNight!” Jane Stone captioned the photo of the pair at a local restaurant. “Max and I have already been married for four years,” she told DBT. “But we still have so much excitement in our relationship!” However witnesses at the restaurant tell a very different story. One man who was sitting at a table nearby says the couple didn’t smile once all night, except for the photo. “Actually I didn’t see them speak to…
Read More“Let me help you grow your Instagram page,” says ‘social media expert’ with 194 followers
GROWTH HACKER: A self-described ‘social media expert’ is offering to help those looking to boost their Instagram profiles, despite boasting a personal following of only 194. Joel Salanti reportedly slid into a local woman’s DM’s, attempting to sell his services. The woman, Michelle Dooley, already has more than 30,000 followers. “Maybe I should be helping him!?” she told DBT. “I had a look at his profile and he posts about generic rubbish like ‘growth hacking’ and ‘thought leadership’ whatever the fuck that all means.” DBT had a look at Joel Salanti’s profile to see he had little or no traction…
Read MoreStay-at-home mum changes LinkedIn job title to ‘Interior Designer’ after buying a chair for her living room
HIDDEN TALENT: The purchase of a stylish chair from the Harvey Norman website has pushed a Sydney mother of two to make the next bold step in her career. Amy Bridge has changed her LinkedIn job title to ‘Interior Designer’ after purchasing a chair for her living room. “It’s a super stylish one-seater in beige,” she proudly told DBT. “I think I’ve got a natural eye for design.” Ms Bridge, who previously held the title of ‘Full-Time Super Mum’ on the professional networking platform, took delivery of the chair this afternoon. “I really enjoyed the process of buying it,” she…
Read MoreCouple who spent 3 hours choosing TV show, both scrolling Instagram after 11th minute
SPOILT FOR CHOICE: A frustrated and exhaustive three hour search of Netflix, Stan and Binge has ended in misery for one couple this evening. After just 11 minutes into a humourless ‘comedy’ show, both Pete Havas and his girlfriend Gabi started aimlessly scrolling Instagram. “This movie is so bad,” Gabi told her boyfriend. “Did you check the reviews on this before putting it on?” Pete Havas replied, without even looking up from his phone. “No, but maybe there’s something good on Paramount Plus?” The couple continued to ignore the show, and each other, as they scrolled their social media accounts.…
Read MoreMan under investigation after going overseas without posting a selfie at the departures sign
BORDER PATROL: A Sydney man is being questioned by police and immigration officials after failing to post the obligatory departures sign photo before going overseas. “This is uncharted territory for us,” says NSW Police Commissioner Karen Webb. “At this stage the man is under arrest, but no charges have been laid.” Immigration officials have confirmed that Mark Reynolds’ passport shows he did in fact travel to Rome last month. “But we’ve combed all his social media accounts to find no photo of him in front of the departures sign at Sydney airport,” says Karen Webb. “The concern is that he’s avoiding drawing…
Read More