Posts by DBT
Man on friend’s boat posts photo to make it appear like he might be the boat’s owner
A BIT RICH: A Sydney man is being accused of intentionally trying to mislead his social media followers. Todd Parkes posted a photo of himself at the helm of a luxury speedboat, with the caption ‘Living The Dream #Winning’ “He asked me to step out of the photo,” claims the boat owner Antony Stanton. “I thought it was a bit weird because it’s my boat. To be honest, he was lucky to be invited.” Soon after Todd Parkes posted the misleading photo, other boat owners came forward with similar complaints against Todd Parkes. “He did the same thing to me,”…
Read MoreBondi Rescue lifeguards now saving people from getting stuck in conversations about The Voice or the Middle East conflict
HOT BUTTON TOPICS: Bondi Rescue lifeguards – famous for their daring televised beach rescues – have launched a new service. “We’re now also saving people from another big danger,” says chief lifeguard Mark McGarry. “..tricky conversations on the beach about divisive topics like the Indigenous Voice to Parliament and the Middle East conflict.” Locals are welcoming the service. “Typically I just come to the beach for a quick swim,” one beach goer told DBT. “But invariably I end up getting bogged down in politically charged conversations.” “Now there are people here to save me.” As the service was rolled out…
Read MoreCOST OF LIVING CRISIS: Local man now doing all his grocery shopping at his parents’ place
SELF-CHECKOUT: A Melbourne man is avoiding rising supermarket prices by doing his weekly grocery shopping at his parents’ kitchen. “It’s free and easy,” Samual Merritt-Rimmer told DBT. “The pantry is perpetually stocked and the fridge is full of culinary delights, but sometimes they are out of avocados.” The 24 year old says grocery price rises had initially forced him to start stealing from the supermarket. “I’m still stealing, but at least this way I’m being open and upfront about it.” And his mother doesn’t seem to mind at all. “I always buy extra groceries anyway,” she says. “And at least this…
Read MoreMiddle aged man completely unaware club playing all his favourite tracks is having a retro night
OLD SCHOOL: A local 48 year old man has returned to Sydney’s clubbing scene tonight after a 20 year hiatus. David Marshall-Bryant wore his coolest clothes and trucker cap to a popular Sydney nightclub and shouted to nobody in particular: “Hey, they’re playing all my favorite songs!” However the divorced father of two was blissfully unaware the club was actually hosting a retro night, playing only classic dance music from the 1990’s. “How good are the Vengaboys?” he said, while dusting off his best dance moves from when he used to go clubbing at DCM’s and Byblos on Oxford Street.…
Read MoreHIGH ROLLER: $60M Powerball winner celebrates with a shopping trip to Coles
SUPERMARKET SPLURGE: A lucky Victorian woman is in celebration mode after winning $60 million dollars in yesterday’s Powerball. “Finally I can now afford groceries,” the anonymous winner told DBT as she combed the aisles at her local Coles. “Until now I’ve been relying on fast food and leftovers from my parent’s place.” Onlookers watched in awe, as she added avocados and heirloom tomatoes to her shopping trolley, seemingly unfazed by the recent soaring grocery prices & cost of living crisis. Then – as she selected a variety of imported cheeses and olives from the deli section – a crowd began…
Read More“Let’s circle back in the new year,” now perfectly acceptable to say, given its October: Report
DOWN TOOLS: As summer fast approaches and the beach beckons, Australian workers are once again delaying the inevitable: their jobs. ‘Let’s chat about this again in early February,’ or ‘that sounds like next year’s problem,’ were traditionally phrases reserved for late December. But a new report shows these phrases are perfectly acceptable to use now, even though there’s still a full two months of the year remaining. “Australians are clocking off especially early this year,” says corporate communication expert Mark Thomas. He says the pandemic, remote work fatigue, and the prevalence of virtual meetings have all played a role in…
Read MoreBondi man recovers from long weekend drug & alcohol debauchery after having a multivitamin
COMEBACK KID: A local man has staged a dramatic recovery from 3 full days of alcohol and drug abuse. Two football grand finals, a music festival, two house parties and even a few Hinge dates; Marc Fisher-Grant has seen a lot this long weekend. “To be honest I didn’t get any sleep this weekend at all, and I’ve been feeling super dusty all day,” he told DBT. “But I had a multivitamin about 40 minutes ago and i can already feel it kicking in.” Marc Fisher-Grant has had a Swisse Men’s multivitamin, which is packed with vitamin D, magnesium and…
Read MoreDouble Bay trust fund recipients celebrate public holiday, despite not having jobs
LABOUR DAY: A group of Sydney trust fund recipients are having a party to mark Labour Day, an annual holiday to celebrate the achievements of workers. However DBT can reveal none of them have had jobs, apart from a few days work experience at their parents’ large multinational corporations. The party goers have gathered today on the penthouse rooftop of a Double Bay apartment building. “OMG, it’s so good to have the day off,” said Lara Chambers-Winter, who was out partying hard for the entire weekend. “And, we’ll probably do the same thing again tomorrow.” “We’ve been drinking French champagne…
Read MoreDiscount retailer Target releases ‘Sydney Real Estate Agent’ costume set for Halloween
FRIGHT NIGHT: Have you ever dreamed of working as a Sydney real estate agent? Now you can at least dress like one after discount retailer Target released its Sydney real estate agent costume kit, just in time for Halloween. “So far demand for the kit has been high,” says Target’s head of product, Jane Marks. “In a city obsessed with property, it’s no surprise that so many people want to dress up like a real estate agent.” We’ve even had a few actual real estate agents buy it.” For $120, shoppers around NSW can purchase a BMW umbrella, an ill-fitting…
Read More‘CONFUSED & CONCERNED’ Police called to Double Bay as locals spot a ute in the area after 4pm
OVERTIME: There was a rare ute sighting in Double Bay this afternoon at 4.17pm, more than a quarter of an hour after tradie knock-off time. A white Toyota Hilux was spotted on Bay Street, clearly out of place among rows of expensive sports cars and SUV’s. “What the hell is that ute doing here?” yelled one confused onlooker. “I just finished eating a salad at Perons in my activewear and I wasn’t expecting to see anything like that at this time of the day.” “Maybe they are lost, or maybe there’s some emergency situation happening.” Police were called to investigate,…
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