Posts by DBT
Fears raised for eastern suburbs man who went to Brisbane, but didn’t stay at the Calile Hotel
OFF THE GRID: In a move that has sent ripples through Sydney’s east, a Rose Bay man has chosen to not stay at the prestigious Calile Hotel during his trip to Brisbane. A short time ago Chris Maddison posted a photo of himself poolside at a lesser-known boutique hotel, causing a stir among his followers. “Chris is actually known for his impeccable taste and his adherence to social norms,” one of his friends told DBT. “Maybe he’s going off the grid, or adopting a minimalist lifestyle.” Others speculate the 34 year old may be in some sort of financial trouble.…
Read More“I hate NYE, all I want to do this year is stay home & chill,” claims man who hasn’t been invited anywhere yet
OPEN TO OPPORTUNITIES: With only a few days before the start of 2024, Sydney’s Felix Johns still has no plans for New Year’s Eve. “I’m just over the whole NYE thing,” he told DBT. “Too much noise, too crowded. I’m all about a quiet night in. “Everything I need is at home and the best view of the fireworks is on ABC TV!” But friends of the 31 year old tell a very different story. They claim he’s been covertly trying to get information about everyone’s New Year’s Eve plans, and even trying to secure an invite somewhere, anywhere. “He’s…
Read MoreDouble Bay influencer brings ring light to Service NSW for her drivers licence photo shoot
THAT’S SHOWBIZ: It’s the bane of every influencer’s existence; bland and uneven lighting which can leave unflattering shadows and low quality images. Double Bay influencer Renee Steele was left traumatised by her last drivers licence photo from five years ago which made her look like a “witch with dark bags under my eyes.” That’s why she was taking no chances while going for her new drivers license photo today, getting professional makeup done, and bringing in her own ring light for the shoot. “The lighting in Service NSW Bondi Junction is just awful,” she told DBT. “But hopefully my ring…
Read More#BREAKING: Network TEN announce brand new TV program: Pondi Rescue
SINK OR SWIM: In a TV market where many new reality shows quickly fail, Network TEN is banking on a fresh offering called ‘Pondi Rescue.’ An extension of TEN’s highly successful Bondi Rescue, the show is filmed at the new man-made beach at Penrith, dubbed ‘Pondi.’ “We’re taking a deep dive into the world of suburban pond emergencies,” says show producer Harry Lakeside. Despite the new ‘beach’ not having any waves, producers still expect lifeguards to be busy. “There might be less drownings, but there’ll be swimmers choking on toxic runoff from nearby factories.” “And don’t forget about dangerous eels…
Read MoreEastern suburbs man travels to new ‘beach’ at Penrith, to avoid having to find parking at Bondi
BEACH HACK: A Darlinghurst man who lives an eight minute drive from arguably one of the best beaches in the world, has driven an hour and a half to the new ‘beach’ at Penrith because it’s much easier to find parking there. “It makes sense,” says Tim Arnold. “I’m too traumatised from years of trying to find parking at Bondi on hot days like today.” Despite a three hour round trip to the new man-made beach at Penrith dubbed, Pondi, the 34 year old says he’s actually saving time. “If I went to Bondi I’d have to spend hours looking…
Read More“Sydney’s air quality is so poor today,” says man who takes a hit of his vape every 14 seconds
SMOKE & MIRRORS: Sydney’s air quality has plummeted due to smoke from a major bushfire burning more than 400 kilometres away in the state’s north-west. “All this smoke is so bad for my lungs,” says local man Quincy Ryan. “I’m an asthmatic as well, so my GP has told me to stay indoors as much as possible.” The 32 year old says his rampant vape habit is not a factor. “No, the bushfire smoke is way more harsh than my vape,” he says while exhaling a plume of blueberry flavoured vapour. “If anything my vaping trains my lungs for these…
Read MoreFlat chested white woman calling for name change of ‘Flat White’ coffee
CAFE CULTURE: A flat chested local woman has begun a campaign to change the name of ‘flat white’ coffees. Miranda Coombes says she enjoys flat white coffees, but gets embarrassed every time she tries to order one. “I feel the words ‘flat’ & ‘white’ are a direct slur on my physical appearance,” she says. “I shouldn’t have to deal with this level of discrimination just because I’m flat and white.” “Normally I end up just getting a Latte instead,” she says. The 28 year old has launched a petition and is approaching various social justice groups, hoping they will get…
Read More#BREAKING: Network TEN announce Lisa Wilkinson to host a local version of Judge Judy
CAREER PIVOT: Senior TV journalist and presenter Lisa Wilkinson is set to play the role of Judge Judy in a local version of the popular show. The original Judge Judy TV show – hosted by Judge Judy Sheindlin – was on air for more than two decades, before ending two years ago. “I’ve had a fair bit of experience in the courts now,” says Wilkinson. “So this is a perfect opportunity to get back to work.” The seasoned presenter hasn’t appeared on television since November last year, when she quit working on The Project after a controversial Logies speech. “Judge…
Read MoreSenior citizen angry about length of post office queue while lining up to pay his phone bill
OLD SCHOOL: A man who refuses to learn how to pay his bills online is upset about the long queues at his local post office. “Today I lined up for 14 minutes just to pay my bloody Telstra landline bill,” says Max Waterson. “Australia Post needs to take a good long hard look at itself.” It’s understood the other customers inside the post office at Potts Point were all there to either pick up or drop off actual mail items. “I’ve been coming here for 45 years to pay my phone bill, and it’s never been so slow,” says the…
Read MoreCorporate drone attempts to show he has a personality by wearing Santa hat at work
JOY TO THE WORLD: A shy office worker is showing his playful side today in a desperate bid to prove that he’s much more than just a lifeless accountant. “Sometimes you gotta live a little,” says Joel Tyler. “I’m getting into the Christmas spirit. I don’t care if it’s only December 15!” The 32 year old is generally known by colleagues as being “distant and introverted.” But not today. Joel Tyler has begun wearing a Santa hat while at work. “Wow, I’m impressed,” says Jane from the legal department. “Joel is actually a lot more quirky and original than we…
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